Funny Mothers Quotes

Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying.  (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud "snort" noises.)  I don't know why parents don't do this more often.  Usually it makes the kid laugh.  Sometimes it sends him into shock.  Either way it quiets him down.  If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage.  Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't have his friends hanging around your house all the time.  - P.J. O'Rourke

Sweater, n.:  garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. - Ambrose Bierce

Who is getting more pleasure from this rocking – the baby or me? – Nancy Thayer

24 Things My Mother Taught Me –  

1. To Appreciate a Job Well Done - “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
2. Religion - “You’d better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
3. Time Travel - “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
4. Logic - “Because I said so, that’s why.”
5. More Logic – “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
6. Foresight – “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.”
7. Irony – “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
8. Osmosis – “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
9. Contortionism – “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?”
10. Stamina – “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone …”
11. Weather – “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
12. Hypocrisy – “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
13. The Circle of Life – “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
14. Envy – “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world, who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
15. Anticipation – “Just wait until we get home.”
16. Receiving – “You are going to get it when you get home!”
17. Medical Science – “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
18. ESP – “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
19. Humour – “When that lawn mower cuts off your foot, don’t come running to me.”
20. How to Become an Adult – “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
21. Genetics – “You’re just like your father.”
22. Climate Control – “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
23. Wisdom – “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
24. Justice – “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”