Received: from evaki.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.32]) by anubis.ad.uow.edu.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.3959); Sun, 11 Nov 2007 09:19:34 +1100 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by evaki.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.63) (envelope-from ) id 1Iqyfu-0006oL-DY for blane@uow.edu.au; Sun, 11 Nov 2007 09:19:34 +1100 Received: from servervs1.bosweb.local (eth3951.nsw.adsl.internode.on.net [150.101.126.110]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.8.5-GA) with ESMTP id GKP36344; Sun, 11 Nov 2007 09:19:30 +1100 (EST) Received: from servervs1 ([127.0.0.1]) by servervs1.bosweb.local with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.3959); Sun, 11 Nov 2007 09:18:44 +1100 Thread-Topic: Gender Happiness Reply-To: Message-ID: <3C52567D40DC4BD0883E4681323967B3@bosweb.local> thread-index: Acgj56gB+kw6DjekTv2ueJA4f3b5Lw== From: To: Subject: Gender Happiness Date: Sun, 11 Nov 2007 09:18:44 +1100 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_240E_01C82443.DB718D80" X-Mailer: Microsoft CDO for Windows 2000 Content-Class: urn:content-classes:message Importance: normal Priority: normal X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.3790.4133 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 10 Nov 2007 22:18:44.0312 (UTC) FILETIME=[A8011580:01C823E7] X-Junkmail-Status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au X-Junkmail-SD-Raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A090202.47362D16.009F,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=150.101.126.110, so=2007-07-31 18:51:00, dmn=5.4.3/2007-10-18 Return-Path: info@fathersonline.org This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_240E_01C82443.DB718D80 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Unable to read this email? Please click here Issue 273 - 12th November, 2007 Go to our website Here * Hello & Welcome Brian * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads * Special Feature * Thought of the Week * All You Need is Love * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello & Welcome Brian David Leonhardt, in a recent New York Times article called, 'He's Happier, She's Less So', highlighted a very interesting problem between the sexes: There appears to be a growing happiness gap between men and women. Two new research papers, using very different methods, have both come to this conclusion. Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, economists at the University of Pennsylvania (and a couple), have looked at the traditional happiness data, in which people are simply asked how satisfied they are with their overall lives. In the early 1970s, women reported being slightly happier than men. Today, the two have switched places. Perhaps the recent story about Eva Herman in Mercatornet's excellent weekly worldwide news roundup exposes the root of the problem in the article by Hartwig Bouillon, Mercatornet's German editor. Eva Herman, until fairly recently, was one of Germany's most famous news anchorwomen. She had been in a news conference to publicise her latest book, 'The Noah's Ark Principle: Why We Must Save the Family', when she made a political faux pas. What was a typical blonde-TV-star-puts-her-foot-in-it incident developed a completely new e-dynamic in the internet community. The day after the Kerner Show Herman received on her homepage 5000 supportive emails; after five days the number had grown to more than 20,000. Blogs of the leading German papers got several thousand messages mostly critical of the television establishment and pro-Herman. It all began in 2006 with her best-selling book, Das Eva Prinzip (The Eva Principle). In the simplest terms, the book says that modern dogma wants women to find fulfilment first and foremost in a career, but this leaves them bitter and burned out, with too little time for husband, motherhood and family. In a key sequence Herman remembers a call she got during a holiday abroad from a best friend, a good-looking 41-year-old successful businesswoman and single mother from Hamburg. She had suffered a serious heart attack and wept on the phone saying: "Everyone thinks I am so tough. Yes, but I would have much preferred a normal family life to the life I lead. I often thought about committing suicide. I feel so overstretched and empty. Only the responsibility for my 10-year-old daughter prevented me from doing it." Herman hung up, went to her three women friends in the holiday resort, told the story, and one by one the three of them, all around forty -- a businesswoman, an artist and another anchorwoman -- started to cry. "This is our life," they agreed. "We all feel like this." Perhaps Eva Herman is part of a growing chorus of women and particularly mothers who are saying such things as, "We don't want to compete with men for more heart attacks and more stressful jobs. We just want to be mothers, raise our children, enjoy our families and be happy." Our recent publication, '21 Reasons Why Gender Matters' reveals some of the realities of the biological imperative that comes with gender. The introduction to 21 Reasons Why Gender Matters says: This document lays out the case for the importance of male and female gender, and argues against the new androgyny, and the social engineering taking place in the arena of gender. It examines some of the evidence that shows men and women are different, including the fact that our brains are different, our biochemistry is different, our hormones are different, our physical designs and sizes are different, and therefore our needs for protection and security are different. Such hardwired differences explain why men and women are so different in areas of behaviour, perceptions, the way they process information, and so on. The above hit home to me about two years ago when my wife was working in the Fatherhood Foundation office far too hard and for far too long. Me, being a computer illiterate, did not help. The more she worked, the crankier she got. She told me in no uncertain terms that she preferred to work hard for her family and her children rather than the Fatherhood Foundation. I was slow to listen, assuming she enjoyed the experience of becoming heart attack material like most men - after all aren't men and women the same? Thankfully, I prioritised my marriage over my work and chased her out of the office a little bit more often (we are both certified workaholics) and, hey presto, my marriage improved. My wife was happier and I learned to send emails as a one-fingered typist. Necessity is the mother of invention. I think Eva Herman is on to something. Maybe we should invite Eva to Australia to help Australian women become even happier. It worked with my wife. Lovework Realise your wife is different to you. Find out what she wants to do with her life and then work with her at making her life as happy as possible. If she is happy, you will be happy. If both of you are happy, your family will probably be happy. I know it sounds simple, so why don't you try it? You have nothing to lose. Yours for happy families Warwick Marsh PS The Wild at Heart men's boot camp, with world-renowned author John Eldridge and his team from Colorado, is coming up, 6-9 December, Stanwell Tops Conference Centre (near Sydney) This is John Eldridge's first visit to Australia and I would strongly encourage you to attend if you can. On the subject of the restoration of masculinity and male spirituality I would consider John Eldridge to be among the word's best. Read 'Wild at Heart' if you doubt me. For more information: www.wildatheartaustralia.com.au ___________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 26 years to 14 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top Grandads People with a secure gender identity tend to lead us more balanced, more healthy and more happy lives. Bill Muehlenberg back to top Laughter Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." back to top Single Dads Tony's Diary 11 October 2007 After a recent health scare I have re evaluated what I do in my life. Amazing isn't it that it's not until something dire is imminent before you decide to take stock. At least I am thankful I had warning. Now it is up to me to a point. A lot of men tell me that they had no idea, no warning, that their marriage was falling apart. If we did, they say, we would of tried to fix it. Well I guess that is possibly true in a lot of cases but I tend to think some of us know what's coming but just choose to ignore it in the hope it will go away. I know I did. I also know I have lived most of my life in that way. Ignoring what I didn't want to deal with, hoping it would just go away. Life just doesn't happen that way does it? It has a habit of catching up to you when you least expect it and grabs you by the throat and says DEAL WITH IT. And then you have to one way or the other. And more often then not, it's not the issue that is the major problem but the FEAR of dealing with it, that is. So how do you get over that fear? Just by facing up to it full on. It's not easy but it soon will be. Get it over with rather then dwelling on it or procrastinating, as this only prolongs the agony. Personally I use my mate the 'Bigfella' to bolster my courage. It is said that when you are in the darkest of places it is actually when you are closest to the light. I have found that to be true. If you are not that way inclined well I guess you are on your Pat Malone (alone). I feel for ya. But that's your choice. There is always an answer and well, often the answer isn't as bad as you first thought. And hey it may not be the answer you wished for but it's an answer just the same. And to be honest whichever way it goes things eventually turn out the way they were meant to be. Don't they? You may not think it at the time but it always does. For me right now, well I am back on the road visiting groups, witnessing first hand the devastation and destruction that is our divorce industry. And I am as busy as Shane Warne's inbox. I don't like it and to be honest often I don't want to get out of bed. But you know what, in listening to the men I get to talk to around the country I have come to the conclusion that we can either make ourselves happy or miserable, the amount of work is just the same and I guess I would rather make myself happy because no one likes you when you are miserable, including yourself. What really keeps me going though and gives me strength is that I am very, very privileged and humbled to visit and meet our heroes of this country, our dads. They never cease to amaze me. They love their children, they never give up, they are just there, some just waiting in the background for their chance to be just that, 'dad'. I had to counsel a dad this week to walk away. Yes to walk away from seeing his little girl. It was a tough call, but the right call for the moment. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her, just the opposite. It took a lot of guts, a lot of courage. Many tears were shed, from both of us. But you know what, this dad is a hero and one day his little girl will know. Dad didn't give up, his story is recorded on this site for her. One day she will know. One day this little girl and her dad will be together again. They were simply victims of a system that let them down. We will change that system, so it doesn't happen again. Tony Miller Founder Dads in Distress www.dadsindistress.asn.au back to top Special Feature The Happiness Test Please read each of the following group of statements and select the one statement in each group that best describes the way you have been feeling for the past week, including today. 1. (a) I feel miserable almost all the time. (b) I often feel miserable. (c) I usually feel neutral. (d) I usually feel pretty good. (e) I feel great almost all the time. 2. (a) I find life to be boring all the time. (b) I'm pretty bored with most aspects of life. (c) I find life boring at times but at other times, it interests me. (d) I'm interested in most aspects of life. (e) I find life and living to be absolutely fascinating. 3. (a) I have no direction or life purpose. (b) I'm unsure about my life direction and purpose. (c) Sometimes I feel like I know my life purpose. (d) I'm pretty clear about my life purpose and direction. (e) My life purpose and direction is crystal clear. 4. (a) I have no energy and feel tired almost all the time. (b) I often feel tired and lethargic. (c) I usually have enough energy to do what I need to do. (d) Most of the time I feel energetic and enthusiastic. (e) I'm bursting with energy and enthusiasm almost all the time. 5. (a) I'm extremely pessimistic about the future. (b) There are times when I feel pessimistic about the future. (c) I'm not sure about the future, one way or the other. (d) I'm pretty optimistic about the future. (e) I'm extremely optimistic and excited about the future. 6. (a) I don't have any close friends. (b) I have a few friends but none I really consider close. (c) I a few good friends and family members with whom I'm close. (d) I have quite a few good friends. (e) I have lots of good friends & feel I easily connect with everyone. 7. (a) I don't think I have any strengths at all. (b) I'm not sure whether or not I have any strengths. (c) I'm getting to know my strengths. (d) I know my strengths and try to use them when I can. (e) I know exactly what my strengths are and I use them all the time. 8. (a) I never enjoy myself no matter what I'm doing. (b) I find it difficult to enjoy life in the moment. (c) I try to enjoy life as much as I can. (d) I enjoy myself most of the time. (e) I thoroughly enjoy every moment. 9. (a) I have absolutely nothing for which to be grateful. (b) There's not much in my life for which I'm grateful. (c) I'm grateful for a few things in my life. (d) I have quite a few things in my life for which I'm grateful. (e) I'm extremely grateful for so many things in my life. 10. (a) I've accomplished nothing. (b) I've not accomplished much in life. (c) I've accomplished about as much as the average person. (d) I've accomplished more in life than most people. (e) I've accomplished a great deal more in life than most people. Score each question from 1 to 5 where (a) equals 1 and (e) equals 5 (your maximum score, therefore, should be 50). If you scored 40 or above - you're doing extremely well. Keep up the great work. If you scored 30-39 - you're doing pretty well but might like to review the questions on which you scored 3 or below and consider how you might improve in these areas. If you scored below 29 - you could be much happier! If you're interested in learning how you could be happier then check out the coaching and course options, as well as the products & resources, at www.thehappinessinstitute.com . Also, please sign up for our free, monthly eNewsletter. back to top Thought of the Week The feminine gender, in all its uniqueness, is an essential ingredient of motherhood, and children do better in life with an involved and committed mother. Fulfilled mothers and happy families are in many cases the result of accepting the biological imperative of who we are as male and female. Warwick Marsh back to top All You Need is Love Can You Endure the Real Marriage Litmus Test? Central Florida Lifestyle Magazine October 2007 By Sheryl Kurland www.EverlastingMatrimony.com The secret test to find out if you're really Mr. and Mrs. Right just may be found at a local garage sale. When my husband and I decided to have a garage sale, we had no idea we'd be testing our marriage in the process. Who knew that garage sales were a true test of marriage resilience? Preparing for a garage sale can be a wondrous experience, but it also brings up a spectrum of raw emotions between a couple. Prepare for the Challenge "What do you think, Dear? Should we get rid of our old television that works only after banging on it three times?" We cuddled in bed together watching hours and hours of amorous old movies, so when my husband asks about the TV, it's a difficult decision. The struggle has little to do with selling the TV, but everything to do with kissing memories goodbye. The challenge continued. As he rummaged through tools, appliances, gizmos and gadgets (my definition of 'junk'), I refrained from teasing. As I shuffled through mugs, dishes, plant pots, baskets, and souvenirs (his definition of 'junk'), he resisted making insulting remarks. Together, we struggled to deal with separation anxiety, impending loss and grief. It was a seriously tough task, but it proved to be a bonding experience for our relationship. We toiled. We talked. We laughed. The Day Arrives Then, the day of our neighbourhood garage sale arrived. In addition to all his so-called treasures, he created a pile of 'free' stuff: a menagerie of old tyres, miscellaneous hubcaps, electrical cords and wiring, odd pieces of wood, pierced window screens, and the like. Husband-after husband-shopper is drawn to the 'free' collection like a bee to honey. Wife after wife could also be heard shrieking, "What do we need that for?" like a bee stinging her 'Honey.' At day's end, our garage sales profit was $238.10. The following Saturday, we went on a date with our found money. We went garage sale shopping! Then We Shop I say, "Such adorable dishes! I haven't seen drinking glasses like these in years! This little table will be perfect for serving drinks on the patio! ("More clutter," he's thinking.) He says, "I've never replaced my broken 7-foot ladder, and this one is in great condition! These screwdrivers fill in my missing-size gaps! Here's the X-Box games I've been looking for! ("Enough already," I'm thinking.) Neither of us understands the other's desperation, but we've learned to pick our battles. Happily, we loaded up our haul, and with the $25 that was left, we took ourselves out to lunch. The deli sandwiches were scrumptious, and we shared an order of french fries and a vanilla milkshake with two straws. Garage sales have deepened our love for each other; we feel renewed and joyful. Another season has proven that our differences are tolerable and our likenesses breed excitement and intrigue. Amongst the trash and treasures (for us and other couples), the best find may be that your relationship or marriage is, indeed, a treasure you can both agree on. back to top News & Info Movember - Changing the face of Men's Health Movember the month formally known as November is a charity event held during November each year. http://www.movember.com/au/home Which ever way we look at it, men are far less healthy than women. The average life expectancy for men is five years less than for women. The obvious question is why? The answer is because men lack awareness about the very real health issues they face, have a "she'll be right" attitude and are reluctant to see a doctor about an illness or to go for regular medical checks. The aim of Movember is to change these attitudes, make male health fun by putting the Mo back on the face of fashion and in the process raise some serious funds for key male health issues, including: Prostate Cancer: because every year in Australia 2,900 men die of prostate cancer - equivalent to the number of women who die from breast cancer annually. www.movember.com/au/outcomes/malehealth/07/Prostate-Cancer Male Depression: because one in six men experience depression at any given time but most don't seek help. ____________________________ Wild at Heart Bootcamp December 6-9, 2007 http://www.wildatheartaustralia.com.au Tops Conference Centre Sydney, Australia Space is limited! We have already sold out of Dorm style rooms Registration is open now! In order for a man to get his heart back, he?s got to take a journey. One that involves risk, danger, and a point of no return. Wild at Heart Boot Camp, led by John Eldredge, author of Wild at Heart, and the Wild at Heart Team, is a four-day quest into the recovery of the masculine soul. Through teaching sessions that go deep into the message of Wild at Heart, guided times of personal reflection, and optional adventures, Boot Camp is more than a retreat?-it is an expedition of the heart. You will never be the same. Join us as we venture into deeper waters, offering the first ever Wild at Heart Boot Camp in Australia. The adventure is set in the breathtaking context of the Australian bush at the Tops Conference Centre. It begins on a Thursday afternoon at 4:00 pm and ends Sunday afternoon at 1:00 pm. ______________________________________ Media Release The Fatherhood Foundation would like to congratulate the Labor Party on their plans to create a Men's Health Policy. Warwick Marsh, founder of the Fatherhood Foundation, said, "We join with dads in distress and other fatherhood and men's groups to applaud Nicola Roxon's announcement on this wonderful Labor Party initiative. Men are the largest minority group in the nation at 49.2%. The Fatherhood Foundation has been advocating for a comprehensive 'men as fathers' national health policy for the last 5 years. The 12Point Plan, released by Mark Latham and Larry Anthony MP in 2003, articulated the desperate need for a coordinated effort to develop answers for men to better their health. The 12 Point Plan was a creation of fatherhood and men's groups from all over the nation. It is interesting to see that those policy initiatives are now bearing fruit. The Labor Party's announcement is an historic decision and we call all Australian parties to make this a bipartisan move to rectify the shocking situation that is now reflected in men's health statistics all around the country." Contact Warwick Marsh 0418 225 212 Office: 02 4272 6677 www.fatherhood.org.au PRESS RELEASE SENATOR STEVE FIELDING STAY-AT-HOME MUMS AND DADS FORGOTTEN IN CHILDCARE DEBATE Stay-at-home Mums and Dads have been forgotten in the childcare debate. 'The childcare debate focuses on parents who pay for childcare centres, but what about those who stay at home to look after their kids?' Family First leader Steve Fielding said today. 'Childcare is about ALL children, not just those in childcare centres. 'And ALL Australian families should get the same childcare help, regardless of the childcare they choose. 'Parents know who is best to look after their kids, so let parents decide. Let parents decide whether they want in-home care by a grandparent, friend or neighbour or a childcare centre.' Family First's policy is to give ALL families with children under five a $4000 Childcare Payment every year so they can choose the childcare they want. This would replace the childcare rebate, which only some parents can claim. 'Both the major parties have childcare policies that force parents to use childcare centres by tying childcare payments to childcare centres,' Senator Fielding said. Family First believes Mums and Dads who stay at home are greatly undervalued. 'The focus is on parents in the paid workforce, but what about unpaid parents raising kids at home?' Senator Fielding said. 'Stay-at-home parents are overlooked because they do not have a group to advocate for them. We should value and celebrate the amazing job they do. And we also need to focus on helping parents who would prefer to stay at home with their kids, particularly when they are young, but feel they have no choice but to return to the paid workforce to make ends meet.' For media enquiries phone Chief of Staff Felicity de Fombelle on 0409 550 446 MEDIA RELEASE 07/11/07 Dads in Distress Inc. commends the ALP (Australian Labour Party) on it?s announcement to develop a National Men's Health Policy: http://www.labor.com.au/media/1107/mshea050.php DIDS has advocated for a National Men's Health Policy for over eight years, and will continue to support and lobby whichever government is in power to bring such a policy to fruition. DIDS sees this as an essential step toward improving the health of Australian males. In particular, DIDS advocates on behalf of men who have or are going through the trauma of family and relationship breakdown, divorce or separation, for improvement in services which address the psychological and emotional needs of men. External factors such as: 1. the practice and legislation of Family Law, 2. the Child Support system (despite recent improvements), 3. poor legal, mental health, and social service provision for men going through relationship breakup, as well as 4. the pressure of societal expectations on men's behaviour are important issues which need to be considered when addressing the health risks of men experiencing relationship breakdown. Research supports the view that level emotional and psychological health is often reflected in an individual level of physical well being. A holistic approach, inclusive of physical, social, psychological and spiritual factors, needs to be adopted in response to improving Men's Health in Australia. Middle aged males are over-represented in suicide statistics, and research clearly indicates that men experiencing relationship breakdown are at a higher risk of considering and acting on suicidal thoughts, than the general population. We can provide better services and more adequately support men going through relationship breakdown. DIDS will proactively seek to address this issue in any policy on Men's Health. Contact: Tony Miller Founder Director DIDS 6652 8113 0422 105 855 back to top Dad's Prayer Dear God If only I could realize that I am who I am because you made me to be who I am right now. Your Word says that there is neither Jew nor Greek, Male or Female, but the reality of the moment, this side of heaven, is that we all have an X or Y chromosone. We all have a cultural heritage and we all have biological reality. We deny these at our peril, and yet we take from who we are to become what we shall be, and the future is always glorious - We are liberated by knowing the truth, because the truth will always set us free. back to top Help Us Click here for more information about us Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top Click Here to Unsubscribe ------=_NextPart_000_240E_01C82443.DB718D80 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Fatherhood Foundation
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Issue 273 - 12th November, 2007 Go to our website Here


Hello & Welcome Brian

David Leonhardt, in a recent New York Times article called, 'He's Happier, She's Less So', highlighted a very interesting problem between the sexes: There appears to be a growing happiness gap between men and women.

 

Two new research papers, using very different methods, have both come to this conclusion. Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, economists at the University of Pennsylvania (and a couple), have looked at the traditional happiness data, in which people are simply asked how satisfied they are with their overall lives. In the early 1970s, women reported being slightly happier than men. Today, the two have switched places.

 

Perhaps the recent story about Eva Herman in Mercatornet's excellent weekly worldwide news roundup exposes the root of the problem in the article by Hartwig Bouillon, Mercatornet's German editor.

 

Eva Herman, until fairly recently, was one of Germany's most famous news anchorwomen. She had been in a news conference to publicise her latest book, 'The Noah's Ark Principle: Why We Must Save the Family', when she made a political faux pas.

 

What was a typical blonde-TV-star-puts-her-foot-in-it incident developed a completely new e-dynamic in the internet community. The day after the Kerner Show Herman received on her homepage 5000 supportive emails; after five days the number had grown to more than 20,000. Blogs of the leading German papers got several thousand messages mostly critical of the television establishment and pro-Herman.

 

It all began in 2006 with her best-selling book, Das Eva Prinzip (The Eva Principle). In the simplest terms, the book says that modern dogma wants women to find fulfilment first and foremost in a career, but this leaves them bitter and burned out, with too little time for husband, motherhood and family.

 

In a key sequence Herman remembers a call she got during a holiday abroad from a best friend, a good-looking 41-year-old successful businesswoman and single mother from Hamburg. She had suffered a serious heart attack and wept on the phone saying: "Everyone thinks I am so tough. Yes, but I would have much preferred a normal family life to the life I lead. I often thought about committing suicide. I feel so overstretched and empty. Only the responsibility for my 10-year-old daughter prevented me from doing it." Herman hung up, went to her three women friends in the holiday resort, told the story, and one by one the three of them, all around forty -- a businesswoman, an artist and another anchorwoman -- started to cry. "This is our life," they agreed. "We all feel like this."

 

Perhaps Eva Herman is part of a growing chorus of women and particularly mothers who are saying such things as, "We don't want to compete with men for more heart attacks and more stressful jobs. We just want to be mothers, raise our children, enjoy our families and be happy."

 

Our recent publication, '21 Reasons Why Gender Matters' reveals some of the realities of the biological imperative that comes with gender.

 

The introduction to 21 Reasons Why Gender Matters says:

This document lays out the case for the importance of male and female gender, and argues against the new androgyny, and the social engineering taking place in the arena of gender.

 

It examines some of the evidence that shows men and women are different, including the fact that our brains are different, our biochemistry is different, our hormones are different, our physical designs and sizes are different, and therefore our needs for protection and security are different. Such hardwired differences explain why men and women are so different in areas of behaviour, perceptions, the way they process information, and so on.

 

The above hit home to me about two years ago when my wife was working in the Fatherhood Foundation office far too hard and for far too long. Me, being a computer illiterate, did not help. The more she worked, the crankier she got. She told me in no uncertain terms that she preferred to work hard for her family and her children rather than the Fatherhood Foundation. I was slow to listen, assuming she enjoyed the experience of becoming heart attack material like most men - after all aren't men and women the same?

 

Thankfully, I prioritised my marriage over my work and chased her out of the office a little bit more often (we are both certified workaholics) and, hey presto, my marriage improved. My wife was happier and I learned to send emails as a one-fingered typist. Necessity is the mother of invention.

 

I think Eva Herman is on to something. Maybe we should invite Eva to Australia to help Australian women become even happier. It worked with my wife.

 

Lovework

 

Realise your wife is different to you. Find out what she wants to do with her life and then work with her at making her life as happy as possible. If she is happy, you will be happy. If both of you are happy, your family will probably be happy. I know it sounds simple, so why don't you try it? You have nothing to lose.

 

Yours for happy families

Warwick Marsh

 

PS The Wild at Heart men's boot camp, with world-renowned author John Eldridge and his team from Colorado, is coming up, 6-9 December, Stanwell Tops Conference Centre (near Sydney)

 

This is John Eldridge's first visit to Australia and I would strongly encourage you to attend if you can. On the subject of the restoration of masculinity and male spirituality I would consider John Eldridge to be among the word's best. Read 'Wild at Heart' if you doubt me. For more information:

www.wildatheartaustralia.com.au  

 

___________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 26 years to 14 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

back to top

Grandads

 


People with a secure gender identity

tend to lead us
more balanced,

more healthy

and more happy lives.

 

Bill Muehlenberg

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Laughter

 

 

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.

One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses.

She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,

"I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

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Single Dads

 

Tony's Diary

11 October 2007

 

After a recent health scare I have re evaluated what I do in my life. Amazing isn't it that it's not until something dire is imminent before you decide to take stock. At least I am thankful I had warning. Now it is up to me to a point. A lot of men tell me that they had no idea, no warning, that their marriage was falling apart. If we did, they say, we would of tried to fix it. Well I guess that is possibly true in a lot of cases but I tend to think some of us know what's coming but just choose to ignore it in the hope it will go away. I know I did. I also know I have lived most of my life in that way. Ignoring what I didn't want to deal with, hoping it would just go away. Life just doesn't happen that way does it? It has a habit of catching up to you when you least expect it and grabs you by the throat and says DEAL WITH IT. And then you have to one way or the other. And more of! ten then not, it's not the issue that is the major problem but the FEAR of dealing with it, that is.

 

So how do you get over that fear? Just by facing up to it full on. It's not easy but it soon will be. Get it over with rather then dwelling on it or procrastinating, as this only prolongs the agony. Personally I use my mate the 'Bigfella' to bolster my courage. It is said that when you are in the darkest of places it is actually when you are closest to the light. I have found that to be true. If you are not that way inclined well I guess you are on your Pat Malone (alone). I feel for ya. But that's your choice. There is always an answer and well, often the answer isn't as bad as you first thought. And hey it may not be the answer you wished for but it's an answer just the same. And to be honest whichever way it goes things eventually turn out the way they were meant to be. Don't they? You may not think it at the time but it always does.

 

For me right now, well I am back on the road visiting groups, witnessing first hand the devastation and destruction that is our divorce industry. And I am as busy as Shane Warne's inbox. I don't like it and to be honest often I don't want to get out of bed. But you know what, in listening to the men I get to talk to around the country I have come to the conclusion that we can either make ourselves happy or miserable, the amount of work is just the same and I guess I would rather make myself happy because no one likes you when you are miserable, including yourself.

 

What really keeps me going though and gives me strength is that I am very, very privileged and humbled to visit and meet our heroes of this country, our dads. They never cease to amaze me. They love their children, they never give up, they are just there, some just waiting in the background for their chance to be just that, 'dad'. I had to counsel a dad this week to walk away. Yes to walk away from seeing his little girl. It was a tough call, but the right call for the moment. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her, just the opposite. It took a lot of guts, a lot of courage. Many tears were shed, from both of us. But you know what, this dad is a hero and one day his little girl will know. Dad didn't give up, his story is recorded on this site for her. One day she will know. One day this little girl and her dad will be together again. They were simply victims of a system that let the! m down. We will change that system, so it doesn't happen again.

 

Tony Miller

Founder

Dads in Distress

www.dadsindistress.asn.au

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Special Feature

 

The Happiness Test

Please read each of the following group of statements and select the one statement in each group that best describes the way you have been feeling for the past week, including today.  

 

1.        (a) I feel miserable almost all the time. 

 (b) I often feel miserable. 

 (c) I usually feel neutral. 

 (d) I usually feel pretty good. 

           (e) I feel great almost all the time. 

 

 2.       (a) I find life to be boring all the time. 

           (b) I'm pretty bored with most aspects of life. 

           (c) I find life boring at times but at other times, it interests me. 

 (d) I'm interested in most aspects of life. 

 (e) I find life and living to be absolutely fascinating.  

 

3.        (a) I have no direction or life purpose. 

 (b) I'm unsure about my life direction and purpose.  

 (c) Sometimes I feel like I know my life purpose. 

 (d) I'm pretty clear about my life purpose and direction. 

           (e) My life purpose and direction is crystal clear. 

 

 4.      (a) I have no energy and feel tired almost all the time. 

(b) I often feel tired and lethargic.  

(c) I usually have enough energy to do what I need to do.  

(d) Most of the time I feel energetic and enthusiastic.  

(e) I'm bursting with energy and enthusiasm almost all the time. 

 

 5.      (a) I'm extremely pessimistic about the future. 

          (b) There are times when I feel pessimistic about the future.  

(c) I'm not sure about the future, one way or the other.  

(d) I'm pretty optimistic about the future.  

(e) I'm extremely optimistic and excited about the future. 

 

 6.      (a) I don't have any close friends.  

(b) I have a few friends but none I really consider close.  

(c) I a few good friends and family members with whom I'm close.  

(d) I have quite a few good friends.  

(e) I have lots of good friends & feel I easily connect with everyone.

 

7.       (a) I don't think I have any strengths at all.  

(b) I'm not sure whether or not I have any strengths. 

(c) I'm getting to know my strengths.  

(d) I know my strengths and try to use them when I can.  

(e) I know exactly what my strengths are and I use them all the time.  

 

 

8.       (a) I never enjoy myself no matter what I'm doing. 

(b) I find it difficult to enjoy life in the moment.  

(c) I try to enjoy life as much as I can. 

          (d) I enjoy myself most of the time.  

(e) I thoroughly enjoy every moment.  

 

9.       (a) I have absolutely nothing for which to be grateful.  

(b) There's not much in my life for which I'm grateful.  

(c) I'm grateful for a few things in my life.  

(d) I have quite a few things in my life for which I'm grateful.  

(e) I'm extremely grateful for so many things in my life.  

 

10.     (a) I've accomplished nothing.  

(b) I've not accomplished much in life. 

         (c) I've accomplished about as much as the average person. 

         (d) I've accomplished more in life than most people. 

         (e) I've accomplished a great deal more in life than most people.

 

Score each question from 1 to 5 where (a) equals 1 and (e) equals 5 (your maximum score, therefore, should be 50).    If you scored 40 or above - you're doing extremely well.  Keep up the great work.   If you scored 30-39 - you're doing pretty well but might like to review the questions on which you scored 3 or below and consider how you might improve in these areas.   If you scored below 29 - you could be much happier! 

 

If you're interested in learning how you could be happier then check out the coaching and course options, as well as the products & resources, at www.thehappinessinstitute.com .  Also, please sign up for our free, monthly eNewsletter.

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Thought of the Week

 

 
 
 
 
The feminine gender, 
in all its uniqueness,
 is an essential ingredient of motherhood,
 and children do better in life 
with an involved and committed mother.
 Fulfilled mothers and happy families 
are in many cases the result of accepting
 the biological imperative of who we are 
as male and female.
 
Warwick Marsh

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All You Need is Love

Can You Endure the Real Marriage Litmus Test?

 

Central Florida Lifestyle Magazine

October 2007 By Sheryl Kurland

www.EverlastingMatrimony.com

 

The secret test to find out if you're really Mr. and Mrs. Right just may be found at a local garage sale.

 

When my husband and I decided to have a garage sale, we had no idea we'd be testing our marriage in the process.  Who knew that garage sales were a true test of marriage resilience?  Preparing for a garage sale can be a wondrous experience, but it also brings up a spectrum of raw emotions between a couple.

 

Prepare for the Challenge

"What do you think, Dear?  Should we get rid of our old television that works only after banging on it three times?"

 

We cuddled in bed together watching hours and hours of amorous old movies, so when my husband asks about the TV, it's a difficult decision.  The struggle has little to do with selling the TV, but everything to do with kissing memories goodbye.

 

The challenge continued.  As he rummaged through tools, appliances, gizmos and gadgets (my definition of 'junk'), I refrained from teasing.  As I shuffled through mugs, dishes, plant pots, baskets, and souvenirs (his definition of 'junk'), he resisted making insulting remarks.

 

Together, we struggled to deal with separation anxiety, impending loss and grief.  It was a seriously tough task, but it proved to be a bonding experience for our relationship.  We toiled.  We talked.  We laughed.

 

The Day Arrives

Then, the day of our neighbourhood garage sale arrived.  In addition to all his so-called treasures, he created a pile of 'free' stuff: a menagerie of old tyres, miscellaneous hubcaps, electrical cords and wiring, odd pieces of wood, pierced window screens, and the like.  Husband-after husband-shopper is drawn to the 'free' collection like a bee to honey. Wife after wife could also be heard shrieking,  "What do we need that for?" like a bee stinging her 'Honey.'

 

At day's end, our garage sales profit was $238.10.  The following Saturday, we went on a date with our found money.  We went garage sale shopping!

 

Then We Shop

I say, "Such adorable dishes!  I haven't seen drinking glasses like these in years!  This little table will be perfect for serving drinks on the patio!  ("More clutter," he's thinking.)

 

He says, "I've never replaced my broken 7-foot ladder, and this one is in great condition!  These screwdrivers fill in my missing-size gaps!  Here's the X-Box games I've been looking for!  ("Enough already," I'm thinking.)

 

Neither of us understands the other's desperation, but we've learned to pick our battles.  Happily, we loaded up our haul, and with the $25 that was left, we took ourselves out to lunch.  The deli sandwiches were scrumptious, and we shared an order of french fries and a vanilla milkshake with two straws.

 

Garage sales have deepened our love for each other; we feel renewed and joyful.  Another season has proven that our differences are tolerable and our likenesses breed excitement and intrigue.

 

Amongst the trash and treasures (for us and other couples), the best find may be that your relationship or marriage is, indeed, a treasure you can both agree on.

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News & Info

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Movember - Changing the face of Men's Health

Movember the month formally known as November is a charity event held during November each year.

http://www.movember.com/au/home  

Which ever way we look at it, men are far less healthy than women. The average life expectancy for men is five years less than for women.

The obvious question is why?

The answer is because men lack awareness about the very real health issues they face, have a "she'll be right" attitude and are reluctant to see a doctor about an illness or to go for regular medical checks.

 

The aim of Movember is to change these attitudes, make male health fun by putting the Mo back on the face of fashion and in the process raise some serious funds for key male health issues, including:

 

Prostate Cancer: because every year in Australia 2,900 men die of prostate cancer - equivalent to the number of women who die from breast cancer annually. www.movember.com/au/outcomes/malehealth/07/Prostate-Cancer

 

Male Depression: because one in six men experience depression at any given time but most don't seek help.

____________________________

 

Wild at Heart Bootcamp

December 6-9, 2007

http://www.wildatheartaustralia.com.au

Tops Conference Centre

Sydney, Australia

 

Space is limited!

We have already sold out of Dorm style rooms

Registration is open now! 

In order for a man to get his heart back, he?s got to take a journey.  One that involves risk, danger, and a point of no return.

Wild at Heart Boot Camp, led by John Eldredge, author of Wild at Heart, and the Wild at Heart Team, is a four-day quest into the recovery of the masculine soul.

Through teaching sessions that go deep into the message of Wild at Heart, guided times of personal reflection, and optional adventures, Boot Camp is more than a retreat?-it is an expedition of the heart. 

You will never be the same.

Join us as we venture into deeper waters, offering the first ever Wild at Heart Boot Camp in Australia.

The adventure is set in the breathtaking context of the Australian bush at the Tops Conference Centre.  It begins on a Thursday afternoon at 4:00 pm and ends  Sunday afternoon at 1:00 pm.

______________________________________

 

 

Media Release

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fatherhood Foundation would like to congratulate the Labor Party on their plans to create a Men's Health Policy. Warwick Marsh, founder of the Fatherhood Foundation, said, "We join with dads in distress and other fatherhood and men's groups to applaud Nicola Roxon's announcement on this wonderful Labor Party initiative. Men are the largest minority group in the nation at 49.2%. The Fatherhood Foundation has been advocating for a comprehensive 'men as fathers' national health policy for the last 5 years. The 12Point Plan, released by Mark Latham and Larry Anthony MP in 2003, articulated the desperate need for a coordinated effort to develop answers for men to better their health. The 12 Point Plan was a creation of fatherhood and men's groups from all over the nation. It is interesting to see that those policy initiatives are now bearing fruit. The Labor Pa! rty's announcement is an historic decision and we call all Australian parties to make this a bipartisan move to rectify the shocking situation that is now reflected in men's health statistics all around the country."

 

Contact

Warwick Marsh

0418 225 212

Office: 02 4272 6677

www.fatherhood.org.au   

 

 

 

PRESS RELEASE SENATOR STEVE FIELDING

STAY-AT-HOME MUMS AND DADS FORGOTTEN IN CHILDCARE DEBATE 

 

Stay-at-home Mums and Dads have been forgotten in the childcare debate.  'The childcare debate focuses on parents who pay for childcare centres, but what about those who stay at home to look after their kids?' Family First leader Steve Fielding said today.  'Childcare is about ALL children, not just those in childcare centres.  'And ALL Australian families should get the same childcare help, regardless of the childcare they choose.  'Parents know who is best to look after their kids, so let parents decide. Let parents decide whether they want in-home care by a grandparent, friend or neighbour or a childcare centre.'&n! bsp; Family First's policy is to give ALL families with children under five a $4000 Childcare Payment every year so they can choose the childcare they want. This would replace the childcare rebate, which only some parents can claim.  'Both the major parties have childcare policies that force parents to use childcare centres by tying childcare payments to childcare centres,' Senator Fielding said.  Family First believes Mums and Dads who stay at home are greatly undervalued.  'The focus is on parents in the paid workforce, but what about unpaid parents raising kids at home?' Senator Fielding said. 'Stay-at-home parents are overlooked because they do not have a group to advocate for them. We should value and celebrate the amazing job they do. And we also need to focus on helping parents who would prefer to stay at home with their kids, partic! ularly when they are young, but feel they have no choice but to return to the paid workforce to make ends meet.'  For media enquiries phone Chief of Staff Felicity de Fombelle on 0409 550 446

 

MEDIA RELEASE 07/11/07  

Dads in Distress Inc. commends the ALP (Australian Labour Party) on it?s announcement to develop a National Men's Health Policy:

http://www.labor.com.au/media/1107/mshea050.php    DIDS has advocated for a National Men's Health Policy for over eight years, and will continue to support and lobby whichever government is in power to bring such a policy to fruition. DIDS sees this as an essential step toward improving the health of Australian males.  In particular, DIDS advocates on behalf of men who have or are going through the trauma of family and relationship breakdown, divorce or separation, for improvement in services which address the psychological and emotional needs of men. &nb! sp; External factors such as: 
1. the practice and legislation of Family Law, 
2. the Child Support system (despite recent improvements), 
3. poor legal, mental health, and social service provision for men going through relationship breakup, as well as 
4. the pressure of societal expectations on men's behaviour  are important issues which need to be considered when addressing the health risks of men experiencing relationship breakdown.   Research supports the view that level emotional and psychological health is often reflected in an individual level of physical well being. A holistic approach, inclusive of physical, social, psychological and spiritual factors, needs to be adopted in respo! nse to improving Men's Health in Australia.   
Middle aged males are over-represented in suicide statistics, and research clearly indicates that men experiencing relationship breakdown are at a higher risk of considering and acting on suicidal thoughts, than the general population. We can provide better services and more adequately support men going through relationship breakdown. DIDS will proactively seek to address this issue in any policy on Men's Health. 

Contact: Tony Miller Founder Director DIDS 6652 8113 0422 105 855

 

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Dad's Prayer

Dear God

 

If only I could realize

that I am who I am

because you made me to be

who I am right now.

Your Word says that there is

neither Jew nor Greek,

Male or Female, but

the reality of the moment,

this side of heaven,

is that we all have an X or Y chromosone.

We all have a cultural heritage

and we all have biological reality.

We deny these at our peril,

and yet we take from who we are

to become what we shall be,

and the future is always glorious -

We are liberated by knowing the truth,

because the truth will always set us free.

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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