Received: from evaki.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.32]) by anubis.ad.uow.edu.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.3959); Tue, 27 May 2008 20:07:01 +1000 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by evaki.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1K0w57-0005tp-4G for blane@uow.edu.au; Tue, 27 May 2008 20:07:01 +1000 Received: from ccm06.constantcontact.com (ccm06.constantcontact.com [63.251.135.98]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.8.5-GA) with ESMTP id KWR80073; Tue, 27 May 2008 20:06:47 +1000 (EST) Received: from p1-ws103.ad.prodcc.net (unknown [10.250.0.101]) by ccm06.constantcontact.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 54E69F2EE6; Tue, 27 May 2008 06:06:45 -0400 (EDT) Message-ID: <1238190541.1211882805354.JavaMail.ccwas@p1-ws103.ad.prodcc.net> Date: Tue, 27 May 2008 06:06:45 -0400 (EDT) From: Fatherhood Foundation Reply-To: info@fathersonline.org To: libertybm@bigpond.com, blane@uow.edu.au Subject: A Tale of Two Fathers Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_Part_36474_604251140.1211882805341" X-Mailer: Roving Constant Contact 0 (http://www.constantcontact.com) X-Junkmail-Status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au X-Junkmail-SD-Raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A090204.483BDD44.01DE:SCFSTAT1137939,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=63.251.135.98, so=2007-07-31 18:51:00, dmn=5.4.3/2008-02-01 Return-Path: ccbounce+info=fathersonline.org@in.constantcontact.com X-OriginalArrivalTime: 27 May 2008 10:07:01.0683 (UTC) FILETIME=[6833C830:01C8BFE1] ------=_Part_36474_604251140.1211882805341 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ 19th May 2008 Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families Issue 300 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ A Tale of Two Fathers ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Dear Ron, Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information servi= ce for the fathers and families as we present the 300th Newsletter In This Issue Frontline...Baring his Soul Laughter..For my wife Grandfathers...Age and wisdom All You Need is Love..The Art of Seduction Single Dads...Don't give up Special Feature...Tale of Two Fathers News & Info..Budget week Dad's Prayer..We get old too soon ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Next Week The Key to Happiness ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ [http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=3D1101938345415&id=3Dprevie= w] Join our Mailing List! [http://visitor.constantcontact.com/email.jsp?m=3D11= 01938345415&id=3Dpreview] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Quick Links Fatherhood Foundation [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horjkicab.0= &ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.fathersonline.org%2F&id=3Dpreview] Family Law Web Guide [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horjkicab.0&t= s=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.familylawwebguide.com.au%2F&id=3Dpreview] National Fatherhood Institute [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horj= kicab.0&ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.fatherhood.org%2F&id=3Dpreview] National Marriage Coalition [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horjki= cab.0&ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.marriage.org.au%2F&id=3Dpreview] Camp Connect [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horjkicab.0&ts=3DS034= 3&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.campconnect.org.au%2F&id=3Dpreview] Men's Katoomba Conventon [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horjkicab= .0&ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.kcc.org.au%2Fconventions.asp&id=3Dprevie= w] Fathersafterdivorce.com [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horjkicab.= 0&ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.fathersafterdivorce.com%2F&id=3Dpreview] Steve Biddulph [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horjkicab.0&ts=3DS0= 343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.stevebiddulph.com%2FWelcome.html&id=3Dpreview] CSA Adverts [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horjkicab.0&ts=3DS0343= &p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.fathersonline.org%2FtvRadio.html%232006f&id=3Dpreview= ] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Thought of the Week My primary role is not to be the boss and just look good but to be a servant leader who enables and enhances my family to be their best. Tim Hansel ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Frontline Brendan Hayward is a brave young man who is again baring his soul to all th= e readers of fathersonline to help them understand how important they are to their ch= ildren. Many children take their dad for granted. In fact we are all guilty of taki= ng those closest to us for granted, but ask a child who grew up without a dad to tel= l you their story and it is a different ball game altogether. You don't know wha= t you've got till it's gone. I'll allow Brendan to share a little of his story, a must read in the Speci= al Feature this week with you. There are two men that I would refer to as my father - one is obviously my = biological father, and the other is my foster father, who adopted me into his family a= t age 11. They are two completely different men, yet both have made an immeasura= ble impact on my life. This is especially true of my birth father, which is a strange = thing to say because I've never met him. . . . . . Despite being adopted, and having a father for my teenage years, ther= e is=20 still a massive gap left by my father that no-one else can replace. I am co= nstantly aware of this gap. No man (or woman) can take this place that belonged, and= still belongs to my father. What is the fundamental difference between Brendan's two fathers? One was a true leader and one wasn't. What do I mean? Let me explain by an experience I had last weekend. One of = the men who coordinate the men's group at church asked me to take part in a bush wa= lk and then share with the men at the halfway point of a 12 kilometre hike through= the=20 bush, by a river. I thought that rather than telling them something I would= ask=20 them something. Men hate getting told what to do or believe. My question wa= s simple. I went around the group with the simple question, "Do you believe men are l= eaders?" Interestingly enough they all agreed that men are leaders. My next question= was, "Why are men leaders?" One said, "Because they are male." Another said, "B= ecause they have strength." I would call it the 'biological imperative' of responsibility. Women are from Planet Oestrogen. Men are from Planet Testosterone. Men prod= uce on average 10 times the amount of testosterone that women produce. Men's metab= olic=20 rate is 10% higher than a woman's. Men's upper body muscle is on average 50= % more than a woman's. Men have more stamina than women and can work longer hours.= This is highlighted by the recent debate on men and women's pay at the National= Press Club as reported in last week's News & Info [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58= qncab.0.0.horjkicab.0&ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.news.com.au%2Fstory%2= F0%2C23599%2C23660279-29277%2C00.html&id=3Dpreview] In this report Professor Woden had the hide to tell the truth about the sim= ple fact that men work longer hours than women. Always have, always will. Rightly or= wrongly it is just a fact. Professor Woden said that the only way of closing the 15= % pay gap would require a change in the traditional family structure, "The only = way to achieve this is if we have lots of role reversals, lots of men behaving lik= e women and lots of women behaving like men." I don't think women in Australia want= that, I don't think that women anywhere in the world want that! I talked with Pro= fessor Woden and he said that the 15% graduate pay gap was fictitious when the ext= ra hours that male graduates work in their chosen careers is accounted for. One of the guys on the walk made an interesting observation: they say that = the monarchy flourished in England more under queens than under kings, Queen Elizabeth I= I being a prime example, recognized around the world for being a wonderful leader. = Saying that men are leaders, does not men that women are not leaders. The greatest= leaders are servant leaders. Maybe women understand this better than men. Many peop= le forget that leadership and responsibility go hand in hand. When men lead well, things go well, but when men lead badly, things can go = really bad. Brendan's real father was a classic case of a father leading in retreat, re= treat into the bottle, retreat from his first two children, retreat from his sec= ond two children and retreat from Brendan as well, so much so that Brendan never me= t his real father - what a tragedy! Brendan's second father, who began caring for Brendan when he was 11 years = old,=20 accepted the leadership responsibility of a wife and three children, plus B= rendan. He was a true servant leader for his family, 'always steady and on track . = . . and complete in many ways.' Brendan doesn't dishonour his birth father, but he is immeasurably thankful= for=20 his adoptive father. Maybe we could all learn a lesson from Brendan! Lovework Always remember that 'you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.' Make sure your children never have to find this out, cos I think they would= feel the same as Brendan. Yours for more 'on track' fathers Warwick Marsh PS We encourage you to consider ways that you might be able to help the Fat= herhood Foundation. Don't forget that tax time in coming up on 30th June and making= a donation [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horjkicab.0&ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A= %2F%2Fwww.ourcommunity.com.au%2Ffatherhoodfoundation&id=3Dpreview] to the Fatherhood Foundation is a great way to help children, and reduce yo= ur tax at the same time. ___________________________________________________________________________= ___ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfath= er of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging = in age from 27 years to 15 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and= public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Laughter Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my = interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little someth= ing extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-size= d taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I = loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was d= isappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a me= tal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and fort= h between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the= face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really = needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) an= d thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thi= ng to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance tha= t it=20 would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses = perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in t= he other. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your = assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of = bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on= the=20 ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would = be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring ab= out 125mm long, less than 18mm in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with = two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side= as to say, 'don't do it, dingbat,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a = tiny=20 little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give to myself a = one second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, push= ed the button, and . . . CRICKEY . . .WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . WHAT THE HEL= L!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up i= n the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over = again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in = my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with= my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a p= icture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting= slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note o= f caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a= violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered cons= ervative? STRUTH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that= point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the lands= cape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 2 metres or so from where it origina= lly was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt= like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 150 kilos. I = had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to kn= ow for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my hea= d which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering= a significant reward for their safe return!! P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Grandfathers Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. Benjamin Franklin ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ All You Need is Love The Art of Seduction When it comes to winning the affections of a woman, most men think of flowe= rs, jewellery, romantic dinners, and copious amounts of admiring comments about her looks.= It works pretty well most of the ti... until they get married and start a family. No= w, these same gestures can sometimes, to his utter dismay, provoke resentment and co= ntempt. Instead of playfully delighting in his attentions, she accuses him of being= insensitive and selfish. What worked like a charm in their early relationship now backfires with reg= ular=20 monotony. So what happened? When a relationship becomes 'committed' - whether it's marriage or cohabita= tion=20 - a woman understands that it is an agreement to share the responsibilities= of their common life. Whether it's children, housework or home maintenance - for a w= oman, commitment translates as him buying in to her values and standards. She ex= pects him to care about these responsibilities with equal enthusiasm. He may not= spend as much time as she does actually carrying them out, but it's important to = her to know that he values them. And if he doesn't, she feels overwhelmed by her r= esponsibilities and starts to resent him, as he himself now becomes another chore for which= she's responsible. She switches into survival mode and none of his old romantic g= estures will work. In contrast, when she is confident that he is as invested in the home and f= amily as she is, a woman relaxes. She feels valued and affirmed; 'her' responsib= ilities are clearly 'our' responsibilities. As a result she has the mental space to= receive his romantic gestur... and enjoy them. Without resorting to stereotypes, for most wives, when they feel their husb= ands=20 don't value what is important to them, no romantic gesture will hit the mar= k, no matter how genuine or well intentioned. So, some advice for our sometimes-confused husbands: if you want to seduce = your=20 wife, try donning an apron and vacuuming the lounge! =A9 2008 Celebrate Love Australia. Authors: Francine & Byron Pirola. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Single Dads Don't Give Up By Clive Purt It was one of those days that I will never forget sadly, a Saturday in Octo= ber 2001 and nine months into fatherhood I found my world in a new and completely co= nfused state. My wife had been suffering from post natal depression and I was work= ing around the clock to as supportive as possible. This was a full time job to say the= least as well as working another, a very demanding full time job to support the n= eeds=20 of my very much treasured family. My then wife refused to seek any help for= her=20 fast failing mental condition, rather she blamed me for not doing more! Thi= s I found equally challenging but being the alleged head of the household I just kept= on a mission of multi-tasking on almost zero sleep. All the house work, shoppin= g and caring for my very young child, this was on the back of a demanding full t= ime job, so you can get some idea of what my day was like. I now consider that I was= dying very fast. We had an disagreement about something and in truth I do not remember what,= she=20 then collected the baby and the car keys and then all my problems started. = There is one thing I have to state for the records my son was a product of IVF -= five years of being on this program was very stressful but when we hit the jack= pot I believed that we were going to have a life of pure joy! For the next few months I was battling to see my son. The reasons were wide= and=20 very creative in nature. I was about to be introduced to the CSA. This was = something which was also from ' left field ' and this did nothing to enrich fatherhoo= d, like wise the introduction of the Family Law Court. So within a very short time = my life had taken a rather roller coaster turn for the worst. All along I was askin= g my=20 self what happened to the life I once knew or had wished for? To date I hav= e never got any real answer to this question. I now know that I will never get any = understanding of the past, and for me my life is in my own hands totally. I had to reclai= m my=20 own sense of 'control' in a fair and balanced manner. For me the one thing = was to get shared care at any cost, thus to have an effective role in my son's lif= e. Beyond this I had not other goal other than looking after my own inner happiness w= hich=20 had taken a severe turn for the worst and things were not looking like chan= ging=20 soon. After the usual outcome of a Family Law Property settlement and the regular= weekly hits from our friends at CSA, I found a lawyer and attempted to get regular= ongoing interim orders on contact, as at that point time their was a lot of very st= rong=20 talk of a change in the Family Law. I found this movement 'for change' ver= y encouraging in my wish to be a real and active father. Final orders were not the way to= way=20 to go, so I was told. My ex wife was self represented so my lawyer was able= , due the age of my son, to 'win' this very slow growth of contact. My contact s= tarted out as a mere four hours each week and then moved to a one 'overnight' a we= ek. I found this very soul destroying to say the least but I just attempted to s= tay focused and never to give up on shared care. My ex-wife was never willing to give m= e any hope of shared care and I had to apply a careful and considered plan to ge= t to=20 this now achieved point. Yes, over time I got more but it was very controll= ed contact. About two years ago I decided to mount a serious challenge for the care tha= t I had asked for one day after separation. I refilled an application to the Wester= n Australian Family Court. Then the false allegation arrived: the nature of these I neve= r ever considered possible but I as strongly believed that this had no legs I foug= ht on then and it became a case of brinkmanship in a final phone call some three= days before a three day trial last Thursday - 08/05/08. My ex asked me if we co= uld jointly decide the care of our child as she did not want a unknown person ( the jud= ge )=20 to decide the future of our son! I said that I was happy to do so but it ha= d to=20 be shared care to my liking or the answer was politely no! In the ensuring = few hours she contacted my Lawyer and agreed to 99.9% of all my wishes. This was the = happiest day of my life, after the birth of my IVF son, and this has taken five year= s. So this may be part of my own personal journey. The actual arrival of shared care will be delivered to me over a few months= . I currently have 4/14 days and the remaining 3 days will occur over the next three scho= ol terms. I found that I could live with this as I now have some certainty when it wo= uld be truly shared care. The biggest surprise I received was a phone called the e= vening after she signed the Final Consent Orders saying: "Thank you for agreeing = to not going to trial." - and it was all over some six and a half years later! I spent the next 48 hours in a state of happy shock wondering what it was a= ll about. Maybe I should just get ready for 7/14 ( 50/50) with a heart of complete jo= y and get on with my life and Fatherhood. A number of pieces of advice I tender are: Stay in contact with your child at all cost Never ever give up - ever... in spite of the pain and heart ache. Now my child now has two very active and loving parents and he is the bigge= st winner in the big picture. Of the future... I in truth do not know but I am very much stronger than on= the=20 day it all happened. Regards Clive Purt Perth - Western Australia. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Special Feature My Tale of Two Fathers By Brendan Hayward There are two men that I would refer to as my father - one is obviously my = biological father, and the other is my foster father, who adopted me into his family a= t age 11. They are two completely different men, yet both have made an immeasura= ble impact on my life. This is especially true of my birth father, which is a strange = thing to say because I've never met him. From what I understand, my father was a heavy alcoholic at the time of my b= irth, and this was why my parents separated just after I was born. His alcoholis= m was sparked when a masked gunman jumped his backyard fence while he was hangin= g out some washing, shot my father four times and ran. This was in 1981, four ye= ars before my birth. He quit the bottle after a few years, but returned to drinking 17= years later when he nearly shot an irate prisoner at work. My father was a prison officer at Parklea. He worked for the Department of = Corrective Services for about two decades. One night, while on duty, the above mention= ed prisoner was attempting an escape and was really aggressive and agitated. My father = fired some warning shots and took aim "upon the bulk of the prisoner's body," at= which point the prisoner turned and ran. This incident bought back nightmares of the attempt on his life 17 years ea= rlier. The remaining eight years of his life he battled alcoholism, spiralling dow= nward mentally, insurance claims and workers comp for a back injury, denied prom= otions and rejection from his job altogether. Before I ever came along, he had two= children from a previous marriage, and it is believed that there were two children b= efore that as well. My father's life was definitely not together. This is in direct contrast to my foster father. Raised in a home of two boy= s, his father was a successful accountant. As soon as he finished year 12, he went= straight into electrical engineering. Nowadays he runs his own business in networks = and web design. Married at 24 years of age, still with the same woman (!), three bo= ys plus myself, he is well educated, well travelled, has lots of toys and owns the = house they live in up in the beautiful Blue Mountains. Both men are good men. Though I have never met my birth father, family memb= ers have, and though things didn't go well for him, he definitely was not a bad guy. = One father was totally removed from my life in every way, and was incomplete in many w= ays,=20 the other father was there all through high school, and was (still is) comp= lete=20 in many ways. Despite being adopted, and having a father for my teenage years, there is s= till=20 a massive gap left by my father that no-one else can replace. I am constant= ly aware of this gap. No man (or woman) can take this place that belonged, and still= belongs to my father. My foster father was at home, always steady and on-track with= his=20 life, was never abusive or anything like that, but as much as I would like,= he just doesn't take my father's place. It's not even that I don't love him, I do. = I'll=20 always be grateful that he gave me a home, but this big gap that I have is = the place only my father can fill. Remember that the next time you think your kids don't need you! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ News & Info NEWS LINKS FOR PARENTS Budget impact on Mums and Bubs [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.hor= jkicab.0&ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.choice.com.au%2FviewArticle.aspx%3= Fid%3D106342%26catId%3D100570%26tid%3D100011%26p%3D1%26title%3DFederal%2Bbu= dget%2Bto%2Baffect%2Bmums%2Band%2Bbubs&id=3Dpreview] Children Safer with Biological Parent [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.= 0.0.horjkicab.0&ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.theaustralian.news.com.au%2= Fstory%2F0%2C25197%2C23657729-5013404%2C00.html&id=3Dpreview] ______________________________________ AUSTRALIAN DOULA COLLEGE OPEN DAY FRIDAY, 23 MAY, 2008 2PM - 8PM 31 BRIGHTON STREET, PETERSHAM, NSW COST IS FREE ! Doulas, professionals who offer support to women and families during the ch= ildbearing year, are fast becoming a mainstay of labour and birth support. Birth doula= s provide continuous physical, emotional and informational support to a mother during= the=20 prenatal period and during and after birth. Postpartum doulas provide suppo= rt to families during their newborn's first weeks of life. Further info: Chantelle Jary 0438 657 948 www.australiandoulacollege.com.au [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.= horjkicab.0&ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.australiandoulacollege.com.au%2= F&id=3Dpreview] Dads are wonderful and can make a huge difference in a young child's life. = Celebrate the things men do with their children. Read more: Thanks Dad Photo Competition [http://rs6.net/tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horjk= icab.0&ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.dadsindistress.asn.au%2Fnews724.html= &id=3Dpreview] Letters Dear Fatherhood Foundation Keep up the good work It is simply great to read of your work and energy in= getting out the facts and the story that one can only pray will change to give us a= better society. Regards Jim ***************************************** Hi Warwick, I'm writing to say that I have enjoyed this email for a few yea= rs now. Every now and then a story or piece of advice inspires me to be a better Da= d; but today I'm not so inspired. I'm referring to the so-called joke you have pub= lished that offends depressed people, Pakistanis, Muslims, Lifeline and me! I doub= t there'd be too many people who read this to become informed about being a better Fa= ther=20 would find this joke funny and I, for one, am outright offended. Surely you= don't encourage such jokes at the expense of the above groups - I'd hate to have = to end my association by labelling this Foundation as bigoted, racist and ignorant= - you can do better! Happy for you publish this. Paul Hendriks **************************************** Dear Fatherhood Foundation I must once again thank you and Alison for all your wonderful help that you= do for Dads like me. In truth your role is all so important during to our rocky jo= urney back to Fatherhood. Kind regards, Clive. Perth, Western Australia ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Dad's Prayer Dear God Benjamin Franklin said 'Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late'. Help me have some wisdom while I am still young to be faithful to my wife and family, not to escape into my escapes but be 'always steady, on track and complete in every way.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of h= arm.=20 The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in father= ing.=20 Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, = loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's moth= er. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public F= und and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax ded= uctibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong DONATE ONLINE [http://rs6.net= /tn.jsp?t=3Dth58qncab.0.0.horjkicab.0&ts=3DS0343&p=3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.ourco= mmunity.com.au%2Ffatherhoodfoundation&id=3Dpreview] BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Regis= ter of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessm= ent Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscri= bed,=20 or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive fut= ure emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~= ~~~~~ Forward email http://ui.constantcontact.com/sa/fwtf.jsp?m=3D1101938345415&ea=3Dlibertybm@= bigpond.com&a=3D1102101304912&id=3Dpreview This email was sent to libertybm@bigpond.com, by info@fathersonline.org Update Profile/Email Address http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?p=3Doo&v=3D001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-= 3WE9Zqa8OESM9MqR7kykWzczy45USVqnoAX5vAUzk55doE9cqrluH1qCTUibeNj4c6IpjpKdsR8= lSsK207Y1BWPQrDQAVPiodCjshtEbVrSO&id=3Dpreview.1101938345415 Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe(TM) http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?p=3Dun&v=3D001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-= 3WE9Zqa8OESM9MqR7kykWzczy45USVqnoAX5vAUzk55doE9cqrluH1qCTUibeNj4c6IpjpKdsR8= lSsK207Y1BWPQrDQAVPiodCjshtEbVrSO&id=3Dpreview.1101938345415 Privacy Policy: http://ui.constantcontact.com/roving/CCPrivacyPolicy.jsp Email Marketing by Constant Contact(R) www.constantcontact.com Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia ------=_Part_36474_604251140.1211882805341 Content-Type: text/html; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
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19th May 2008   &= nbsp;      Inspiring Fathers   Encouraging Families Issue 300
=09=09
A Tale of Two Fathers
 
=09=09
=09
=09=09
Dear Ron,

Welc= ome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information service f= or the fathers and families as we present the 300th Newsletter<= /p>

=09=09 =09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09=09 =09=09 =09=09
In This Issue
Frontline...Baring his Soul
Laughter..For my wife
Grandfathers...Age and wisdom
All You Need is Love..The Art of Seduction =09=09
Single Dads...Don't give up
Special Feature...Tale of Two Fathers
News & Info..Budget week
Dad's Prayer..We get old too soon
Next Week&nb= sp;
 The Key to Happiness<= /font>
 =09=09=09=09 =09=09
 
Join our Mailing List!
 
=09=09
Quick Links
=
=09
=09=09
T= hought of the Week
           &= nbsp;  3D"Family     =20

My primary role is not to be the boss

and just look good

but to be a servant leader<= /b>

who enables and enhances my family=

to be their best.

 = ;

Tim Hansel

 

  =
=
Frontline
 

Brendan Hayward is a brave young man= who is again 3D"Brendan"baring his soul to = all the readers of fathersonline to help them understand how important they= are to their children.

 

Many children take their dad for gra= nted. In fact we are all guilty of taking those closest to us for granted, = but ask a child who grew up without a dad to tell you their story and it is= a different ball game altogether. You don't know what you've got till it's= gone.

 

I'll allow Brendan to share a little= of his story, a must read in the Special Feature this week with you.

 

There are two men that I would refer to a= s my father - one is obviously my biological father, and the other is my fo= ster father, who adopted me into his family at age 11. They are two complet= ely different men, yet both have made an immeasurable impact on my life. Th= is is especially true of my birth father, which is a strange thing to say b= ecause I've never met him. . .

 

<= span>. . . Despite being adopted, and having a father for my teenage years,= there is still a massive gap left by my father that no-one else can replac= e. I am constantly aware of this gap. No man (or woman) can take this place= that belonged, and still belongs to my father.

 

What is the fundamental difference b= etween Brendan's two fathers? 

 

One was a true leader and one wasn't= .

 

What do I mean?  Let me explain by an experience I had last weeke= nd.  One of the men who coord= inate the men's group at church asked me to take part in a bush walk and th= en share with the men at the halfway point of a 12 kilometre hike through t= he bush, by a river. I thought that rather than telling them something I wo= uld ask them something. Men hate getting told what to do or believe. My que= stion was simple. I went around the group with the simple question, "Do you= believe men are leaders?" Interestingly enough they all agreed that men ar= e leaders. My next question was, "Why are men leaders?" One said, "Because = they are male." Another said, "Because they have strength."

 

I would call it the 'biological impe= rative' of responsibility.

 

Women are from Planet Oestrogen. Men= are from Planet Testosterone. Men produce on average 10 times the amount o= f testosterone that women produce. Men's metabolic rate is 10% higher than = a woman's. Men's upper body muscle is on average 50% more than a woman's. M= en have more stamina than women and can work longer hours. This is highligh= ted by the recent debate on men and women's pay at the National Press Club = as reported in last week's News & Info

 

In this report Professor Woden had t= he hide to tell the truth about the simple fact that men work longer hours = than women. Always have, always will. Rightly or wrongly it is just a fact.= Professor Woden said that the only way of closing the 15% pay gap would re= quire a change in the traditional family structure, "The only way to achiev= e this is if we have lots of role reversals, lots of men behaving like wome= n and lots of women behaving like men." I don't think women in Australia wa= nt that, I don't think that women anywhere in the world want that! I talked= with Professor Woden and he said that the 15% graduate pay gap was fictiti= ous when the extra hours that male graduates work in their chosen careers i= s accounted for.

 

One of the guys on the walk made an = interesting observation: they say that the monarchy flourished in England m= ore under queens than under kings, Queen Elizabeth II being a prime example= , recognized around the world for being a wonderful leader. Saying that men= are leaders, does not men that women are not leaders. The greatest leaders= are servant leaders. Maybe women understand this better than men. Many peo= ple forget that leadership and responsibility go hand in hand.

 

= When men lead well, things go well, but when men lead badly, things c= an go really bad.

 

Brendan's real father was a classic = case of a father leading in retreat, retreat into the bottle, retreat from = his first two children, retreat from his second two children and retreat fr= om Brendan as well, so much so that Brendan never met his real father - wha= t a tragedy!

 

Brendan's second father, who began c= aring for Brendan when he was 11 years old, accepted the leadership respons= ibility of a wife and three children, plus Brendan. He was a true servant l= eader for his family, 'always steady and on track . . . and complete in man= y ways.'

 

Brendan doesn't dishonour his birth = father, but he is immeasurably thankful for his adoptive father. Maybe we c= ould all learn a lesson from Brendan!

 

= Lovework

 

Always remember that 'you don't know= what you've got 'til it's gone.'

 

Make sure your children never have t= o find this out, cos I think they would feel the same as Brendan.

 

Yours for more 'on track' fathers

Warwick Marsh

 

PS We encourage you to consider ways= that you might be able to help the Fatherhood Foundation. Don't forget tha= t tax time in coming up on 30th June and making a donation to the Fatherhood Foundat= ion is a great way to help children, and reduce your tax at the same time. =

______________________________________________________________________= ________
Warwick Marsh  has been= married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfather of two chi= ldren and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age f= rom 27 years to 15 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, pro= ducer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.<= /font>
=09=09
Laughter
=   =20
    = ;     3D"Tazer

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol= & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversar= y and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I = came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of th= e taser were

supposed to be short lived, with no long-term = adverse affect on your

assailant, allowing her adequate time to retre= at to safety....??

 

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the d= evice and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and= pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that i= f I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same ti= me; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the = prongs. AWESOME!!!

 

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie = what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

 

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, t= hinking to myself that it

couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-= A batteries, right?

 

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie look= ing on intently (trusting

little soul) while I was reading the direction= s and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & bloo= d moving target.

 

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (f= or a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet ca= t. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself aga= inst a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. = Am I wrong?

 

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank= top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, d= irections in one hand, and taser in the other.

The directions said that a one-second burst wo= uld shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to = cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burs= t would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out = of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batterie= s. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 125= mm long, less than 18mm in circumference; pretty cute really and (load= ed with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possibl= e way!'

 

What happened next is almost beyond descriptio= n, but I'll do my best...?

 

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on wit= h her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it, dingbat,' reasoning = that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all= that bad. I decided to give to myself a one second burst just for the heck= of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . = . CRICKEY . . .WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

 

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through = the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on t= he carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my s= ide in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both ni= pples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under= my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

 

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never = heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obvi= ously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over t= he living room.

 

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' your= self with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one sec= ond burst when you zap yourself!

 

 

You will not let go of that thing until it is = dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three= second burst would be considered conservative?

 

STRUTH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! <= /p>

 

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time= was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I ha= d left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on= the mantel of the fireplace.

The recliner was upside down and about 2 = metres or so from where it originally was.  My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twi= tching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom = lip weighed 150 kilos. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shi= t myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.= I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.= I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for th= eir safe return!!

 

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularl= y threatens me with it!

 

'If you think Education is difficult, try bein= g stupid.' 

 
Grandfathers
 
         = ;       =20

3D"OldLife's tragedy is that we get old too soon

and wise too late.

 = ;

Benjamin Franklin

      =
All You Nee= d is Love
 

The Art of Seduction3D"Seducing

 

When i= t comes to winning the affections of a woman, most men think of flowers, je= wellery, romantic dinners, and copious amounts of admiring comments about h= er looks. It works pretty well most of the ti... until they get married and= start a family. Now, these same gestures can sometimes, to his utter disma= y, provoke resentment and contempt. Instead of playfully delighting in his = attentions, she accuses him of being insensitive and selfish.

 

What w= orked like a charm in their early relationship now backfires with regular m= onotony.

So wha= t happened?

 

When a= relationship becomes 'committed' - whether it's marriage or cohabitation -= a woman understands that it is an agreement to share the responsibilities = of their common life. Whether it's children, housework or home maintenance = - for a woman, commitment translates as him buying in to her values and sta= ndards. She expects him to care about these responsibilities with equal ent= husiasm. He may not spend as much time as she does actually carrying them o= ut, but it's important to her to know that he values them. And if he doesn'= t, she feels overwhelmed by her responsibilities and starts to resent him, = as he himself now becomes another chore for which she's responsible. She sw= itches into survival mode and none of his old romantic gestures will work.<= /span>

 

In con= trast, when she is confident that he is as invested in the home and family = as she is, a woman relaxes. She feels valued and affirmed; 'her' responsibi= lities are clearly 'our' responsibilities. As a result she has the mental s= pace to receive his romantic gestur... and enjoy them.

 

Withou= t resorting to stereotypes, for most wives, when they feel their husbands d= on't value what is important to them, no romantic gesture will hit the mark= , no matter how genuine or well intentioned.

 

So, so= me advice for our sometimes-confused husbands: if you want to seduce your w= ife, try donning an apron and vacuuming the lounge!

 

=A9 2008 Celebrate= Love Australia. Authors: Francine & Byron Pirola.

=09=09 =09=09
Single Dads
=
 

Don't Give Up

By Clive Purt

 

It was one of those days that I will= never forget 3D"Womansadly, a Satu= rday in October 2001 and nine months into fatherhood I found my w= orld in a new and completely confused state. My wife had been suffering fro= m post natal depression and I was working around the clock to as supportive= as possible. This was a full time job to say the least as well as working = another, a very demanding full time job to support the needs of my ver= y much treasured family. My then wife refused to seek any help for her= fast failing mental condition, rather she blamed me for not doing mor= e! This I found equally challenging but being the alleged head of the = household I just kept on a mission of multi-tasking on almost zero sle= ep. All the house work, shopping and caring for my very young child, this w= as on the back of a demanding full time job, so you can get some idea of wh= at my day was like. I now consider that I was dying very fast. &n= bsp; 

 

We had an disagreement about so= mething and in truth I do not remember what, she then collected the baby an= d the car keys and then all my problems started. There is one thing I have = to state for the records my son was a product of IVF - five = years of being on this program was very stressful but when we hit= the jackpot I believed that we were going to have a life of pure joy!=   

 

For the next few months I was battli= ng to see my son. The reasons were wide and very creative in natu= re. I was about to be introduced to the CSA. This was something w= hich was also from ' left field ' and this did nothing to enrich = fatherhood, like wise the introduction of the Family Law Court. So wit= hin a very short time my life had taken a rather roller coaster turn for th= e worst. All along I was asking my self what happened to the life I once kn= ew or had wished for? To date I have never got any real answer to this= question. I now know that I will never get any understanding of the past,&= nbsp;and for me my life is in my own hands totally. I had to reclaim my own= sense of 'control' in a fair and balanced manner. For me the one thing was= to get shared care at any cost, thus to have an effective role in my son's= life. Beyond this I had not other goal other than looking after my own inn= er happiness which had taken a severe turn for the worst and things were no= t looking like changing soon.   

 

After the usual outcome of a Family = Law Property settlement and the regular weekly hits from our friends a= t CSA, I found a lawyer and attempted to get regular ongoing interim o= rders on contact, as at that point time their was a lot of very strong talk= of a change in the Family Law. I found this  movement 'for change'  very encouraging in my wish to= be a real and active father. Final orders were not the way to way to = go, so I was told. My ex wife was self represented so my lawyer w= as able, due the age of my son, to 'win' this very slow growth of= contact. My contact started out as a mere four hours each w= eek and then moved to a one 'overnight' a week. I found this very= soul destroying to say the least but I just attempted to stay fo= cused and never to give up on shared care. My ex-wife was never willin= g to give me any hope of shared care and I had to apply a careful and consi= dered plan to get to this now achieved point. Yes, over time I got mor= e but it was very controlled contact. About two years ago I decided to= mount a serious challenge for the care that I had asked for one day after = separation. I refilled an application to the Western Australian Family Cour= t. Then the false allegation arrived: the nature of these I never ever= considered possible but I as strongly believed that this had no legs = I fought on then and it became a case of brinkmanship in a final phone= call some three days before a three day trial last Thursday - 08/05/0= 8. My ex asked me if we could jointly decide the care of our child as she d= id not want a unknown person ( the judge ) to decide the future of our son!= I said that I was happy to do so but it had to be shared care to my liking= or the answer was politely no! In the ensuring few hours she contacte= d my Lawyer and agreed to 99.9% of all my wishes. This was the happies= t day of my life, after the birth of my IVF son, and this has taken fi= ve years. So this may be part of my own personal journey.   =    

 

The actual arrival of shared ca= re will be delivered to me over a few months. I currently have 4/14 days an= d the remaining 3 days will occur over the next three school terms. I found= that I could live with this as I now have some certainty when it woul= d be truly shared care. The biggest surprise I received was a pho= ne called the evening after she signed the Final Consent Orders s= aying:  "Thank you for agreeing to not going to trial." - an= d it was all over some six and a half years later!

 

I spent the next 48 hours in a state= of happy shock= wondering what it was all about. Maybe I should just get re= ady for 7/14 ( 50/50) with a heart of complete joy and get on wit= h my life and Fatherhood.     

 

A number of pieces of advice I = tender are:

Stay in cont= act with your child at all cost 

Never ever give u= p - ever... in spite of the pain and heart ache.

 

Now my child now has two very active= and loving parents and he is the biggest winner in the big picture.=

 

Of the future... I in truth do not k= now but I am very much stronger than on the day it all happened.  = ; 

 

Regards

Clive Purt

Perth - Western Austral= ia.  

<= /span>
Special Feature
 
  

My Tale of Two Fathers3D"Men_Son"

By Brendan Hayward

 

There are two men that I would refer to as my father - on= e is obviously my biological father, and the other is my foster father, who= adopted me into his family at age 11. They are two completely different me= n, yet both have made an immeasurable impact on my life. This is especially= true of my birth father, which is a strange thing to say because I've neve= r met him.

    =      

From what I understand, my father was a heavy alcoholic a= t the time of my birth, and this was why my parents separated just after I = was born. His alcoholism was sparked when a masked gunman jumped his backya= rd fence while he was hanging out some washing, shot my father four times a= nd ran. This was in 1981, four years before my birth. He quit the bottle af= ter a few years, but returned to drinking 17 years later when he nearly sho= t an irate prisoner at work.

 

My father was a prison officer at Parklea. He worked for = the Department of Corrective Services for about two decades. One night, whi= le on duty, the above mentioned prisoner was attempting an escape and was r= eally aggressive and agitated. My father fired some warning shots and took = aim "upon the bulk of the prisoner's body," at which point the prisoner tur= ned and ran.

 

This incident bought back nightmares of the attempt on hi= s life 17 years earlier. The remaining eight years of his life he battled a= lcoholism, spiralling downward mentally, insurance claims and workers comp = for a back injury, denied promotions and rejection from his job altogether.= Before I ever came along, he had two children from a previous marriage, an= d it is believed that there were two children before that as well. My fathe= r's life was definitely not together.

 

This is in direct contrast to my foster father. Raised in= a home of two boys, his father was a successful accountant. As soon as he = finished year 12, he went straight into electrical engineering. Nowadays he= runs his own business in networks and web design. Married at 24 years of a= ge, still with the same woman (!), three boys plus myself, he is well educa= ted, well travelled, has lots of toys and owns the house they live in up in= the beautiful Blue Mountains.

 

Both men are good men. Though I have never met my birth f= ather, family members have, and though things didn't go well for him, he de= finitely was not a bad guy. One father was totally removed from my life in = every way, and was incomplete in many ways, the other father was there all = through high school, and was (still is) complete in many ways.

 

Despite being adopted, and having a father for my teenage= years, there is still a massive gap left by my father that no-one else can= replace. I am constantly aware of this gap. No man (or woman) can take thi= s place that belonged, and still belongs to my father. My foster father was= at home, always steady and on-track with his life, was never abusive or an= ything like that, but as much as I would like, he just doesn't take my fath= er's place. It's not even that I don't love him, I do. I'll always be grate= ful that he gave me a home, but this big gap that I have is the place only = my father can fill.

 

Remember that the next time you think your kids don't nee= d you!

 

 
   News & Info
<= /td>
 

______________________________________

 

 

AUSTRALIAN DOULA COLLEGE OP= EN DAY
FRIDAY, 23 MAY, 2008
2PM - 8PM
31 BRIGHTON STREET, PE= TERSHAM, NSW
COST IS FREE !
 
Doulas, professionals who o= ffer support to women and families during the childbearing year, are fast b= ecoming a mainstay of labour and birth support. Birth doulas provide contin= uous physical, emotional and informational support to a mother during the p= renatal period and during and after birth. Postpartum doulas provide suppor= t to families during their newborn's first weeks of life.
 
= Further info: Chantelle Jary 0438 657 948
 www.australiandoulacol= lege.com.au 
 =20
 
 
Dads are wonderful and can make a huge difference in a young child's l= ife. Celebrate the things men do with their children. Read more:

Thanks = Dad Photo Competition 

 
Letters
 &nb= sp;
 
Dear Fatherhood Foundation
 
Keep up the good work It is = simply great to read of your work and energy in getting out the facts and t= he story that one can only pray will change to give us a better society. 
Regards
Jim=20
 

*****************************************

Hi Warwick, I'm writing to say that I hav= e enjoyed this email for a few years now. Every now and then a story or pie= ce of advice inspires me to be a better Dad; but today I'm not so inspired.= I'm referring to the so-called joke you have published that offends depres= sed people, Pakistanis, Muslims, Lifeline and me! I doubt there'd be too ma= ny people who read this to become informed about being a better Father woul= d find this joke funny and I, for one, am outright offended. Surely you don= 't encourage such jokes at the expense of the above groups - I'd hate to ha= ve to end my association by labelling this Foundation as bigoted, racist an= d ignorant - you can do better! Happy for you publish this.

 

Paul Hendriks

 


*****************= *********************** 
Dear Fatherhood Foundation
I must once again thank yo= u and Alison for all your wonderful help that you do for Dads like me. In t= ruth your role is all so important during to our rocky journey back to Fath= erhood.
Kind regards,
Clive.
Perth, Western Australia
&= nbsp;

Dad's Prayer

      &= nbsp;           &nbs= p;            &= nbsp;     

         = ;        3D"Benjamin

Dear God

 

Benjamin Franklin said

'Life's tragedy is that

 we get old too soon

and wise too late'.<= /p>

 

Help me have some wisdom while I am still= young

to be faithful to my wife and family,

not to escape into my escapes

but be 'always steady, on track

and complete in every way.'=

=09 =09
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Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Pre= vention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been pro= ven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children b= y promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word an= d deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well= -being of their children and their children's mother.

 

If you would like to give financially t= o the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

 

Fatherhood Found= ation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be = emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)

 


Westpac Branch Wollon= gong            = ;         DONATE ONLINE


BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558
 

Or mail cheque and address details to:<= br />PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW&nb= sp; 2520
AUSTRALIA

 

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund&n= bsp; is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities u= nder Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.=

 

You have received the fatherson= line.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been = subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive future emails, = please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below.

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This email was sent to libertybm@bigpond.com, by info@fathersonline.org
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Fatherhood Foundati= on | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia
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