Received: from evaki.its.uow.edu.au (130.130.68.32) by staffmail.uow.edu.au (10.5.102.13) with Microsoft SMTP Server id 8.1.291.1; Sun, 20 Jul 2008 09:53:02 +1000 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by evaki.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1KKMEY-0005N5-AE for blane@uow.edu.au; Sun, 20 Jul 2008 09:53:02 +1000 Received: from c3.confirmedcc.com (c3.confirmedcc.com [64.95.77.164]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.8.7a) with ESMTP id MJO24893; Sun, 20 Jul 2008 09:52:57 +1000 (EST) Received: from p1-ws008 (unknown [10.250.0.101]) by c3.confirmedcc.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 3DF4B98CE7 for ; Sat, 19 Jul 2008 23:36:26 +0000 (UTC) From: Fatherhood Foundation To: Brian Lane Date: Sun, 20 Jul 2008 09:36:26 +1000 Subject: Living for Others Thread-Topic: Living for Others Thread-Index: Acjp+pTo/zuCMVHLTU2tnhZayhY3DQ== Message-ID: <1102176963031.1101938345415.1211.8.106193502@scheduler> List-Unsubscribe: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?p=un&v=001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-3d90mBLDU8ykFZQk-cduE0xyMPlOAvuBcg== Reply-To: "info@fathersonline.org" Accept-Language: en-AU, en-US Content-Language: en-US X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthAs: Anonymous X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthSource: excasht01.ad.uow.edu.au X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: x-junkmail-status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au x-junkmail-sd-raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A090206.48827E5D.009B,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=64.95.77.164, so=2008-05-01 23:44:25, dmn=5.4.3/2008-02-01 x-return-path-hint: ESC1102176963031_1101938345415_1211@in.confirmedcc.com x-roving-id: 1101938345415.1211 x-roving-campaignid: 1102176963031 x-roving-streamid: 0 x-lumos-senderid: 1101938345415 x-junkmail-iwf: false Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="_000_1102176963031110193834541512118106193502scheduler_" MIME-Version: 1.0 --_000_1102176963031110193834541512118106193502scheduler_ Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/11.jpg?a=3D11= 02176963031] 21st July 2008 Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families Issue 309 [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/1101093164665/people3_header= 1.jpg] Living for Others Dear Brian, Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information servi= ce for the fathers and families as we present Living for Others. In This Issue Frontline...Real Love Laughter..Kids are funny Grandfathers...Grandfathers enhance wellbeing Single Dads...Gudnight,sweetdreams All You Need is Love..Seven siblings celebrate Special Feature...Human relations News & Info..News Links for Parents Dad's Prayer..Help me Live for others Next Week The Greatest Power in the Universe Join our Mailing List! [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/ftf_btn_1.gif] Quick Links Fatherhood Foundation Dads in Distress Men to Men Malachi Global Choicez.com Beyond Blue Australian Family Association Fathers & Daughters Raising Children Network CSA Adverts Thought of the Week [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/327.jpg?a=3D1= 102176963031] Only a life lived for others is worth living. Albert Einstein Frontline It has been a busy two weeks for my family and I.[http://origin.ih.constant= contact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/318.jpg?a=3D1102176963031] In the first week our family attended the Hillsong Conference at the Acer A= rena, Homebush Bay which was hosted by Brian and Bobbie Houston of the Hill= song Church, Castle Hill, Sydney. In the second week I attended some of the World Youth Day activities. World Youth Day is the largest youth event= in the world and the largest event Australia has ever hosted. Last Wednesday, as part of World Youth Day, I listened to Christopher West = speaking on 'God and Sex' along with three thousand other young p= eople. I possess an intense interest for these two subjects. Most males would shar= e my interest in the subject of sex. (From now on, in this article, I will = use the word 's*x' in the hope that it will get through email filters. The= only reason I do not cover this subject more often is the rising use of sp= am filters to knock out p*rn on email networks.) This is a core issue for m= en in more ways than one. It both makes marriages and produces families, bu= t, when misapplied, destroys marriages and families with devastating conseq= uences. I enjoy the activity of s*x with my wife greatly and hope that she can say = the same. Most men are two minute wonders when it comes to the making of lo= ve, whereas women are more like radiators - slow to warm up but once hot, s= tay hot for longer, much longer than most men have either the ability or th= e patience for. Here-in lies a quandary: true s*x is all about giving but o= ur western culture says it is all about getting. We live in a culture that is s*x mad. P*rn has become the wallpaper for our= society, so much so that our children are beginning to grow up wanting to = be p*rn stars, such deviancy having become normalized by our capitalistic c= onsumerism. Our liberal arts community and media have all added fuel to the= fire. Many of the big stores are selling lingerie for young girls. The recent deb= acle about Bill Henson's so-called artistic p*rn exhibition just shows how far our society h= as sunk. Any person with such images on his computer would probably be char= ged and end up doing gaol time - but not if you are an artist. Our society = is getting sicker by the moment and our children pay the price for our perv= ersions. The Fatherhood Foundation congratulates Mr Rudd and Mr Nelson on t= heir stand against this sickness. So what does all this have to do with me as a father? Lots. You have childr= en, I have children. What sort of a world are we bringing them up in but, m= ore importantly, what sort of world are we leaving as an inheritance for th= em when we are gone. Our society has been dumbing deviancy down for decades= . How much lower can we go before we do something as dads who care for our = kids? Where do we start? What can we do? The answer starts when we as concerned fathers take stock of our own attitu= de in regards to our own sexual integrity. We must win this battle firstly = for ourselves before we can win it for others. As Pogo said, "I have met th= e enemy and the enemy is us." Bob Dylan put it differently, "The enemy I se= e wears a cloak of decency." The female form without clothes is of great interest to us all. That's the = way God made us as men. The problem is that when the female form becomes th= e wallpaper of our world, men begin to live more and more for themselves an= d less and less for the ones they love. For this reason the Fatherhood Foun= dation conducted Australia's first Sexual Integrity Forum in 2005, Par= liament House, Canberra. The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love his wife. To= love her is to satisfy her. To satisfy her is to put her needs first. Femi= nists rightly complained in the sixties that marriage for many women was no= thing more than legalised prostitution. This was part of the contribution t= o our high divorce rate. We must become the change we seek and then be prep= ared to speak up loudly on behalf of our children. Living for ourselves is = not the answer, but living for others is. Lovework If you want to get some answers to help you deal with some of the issues I = have described, get a hold of 'Valiant Man' by Dr A= llan Meyers or check out Sexaholics Anonymous. Living for others is the key to enjoy= ing life and staying free. When we get free our families become free. When our families become free ou= r communities get free. When our communities get free, the nation is next a= nd then, look out world. Yours for more freedom Warwick Marsh P.S. [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/319.jpg?= a=3D1102176963031] I have not written much about the Hillsong Conference but = it was totally awesome in every way. Brian Houston's son, Joel, spoke about= touching our communities with the 'I Heart Revolution' which was a highlight for me personally. Brian also = spoke well, as did Joyce Meyer. The theme that kept coming through aga= in and again was the title of this week's fathersonline 'Living for Others'= . So easy to say, so hard to do! More power to you on the journey of love. ____________________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfath= er of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ran= ging in age from 27 years to 15 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, = producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himsel= f. Laughter [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/320.jpg?a= =3D1102176963031] Little five year old Johnny was in the bath tub, and his mom was washing h= is hair. She said to him, "Wow, your hair is growing so fast! You need a ha= ircut again." Little Johnny replied, "Maybe you should stop watering it so much." __________________________________________________ [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/321.jpg?a=3D1= 102176963031]Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worr= ied. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. = My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like yo= u've got it made!" The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?" __________________________________________________ A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey.= The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and di= ed. "All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?" "Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms." Grandfathers Grandparents Enhance Wellbeing A British survey about the relationships that [http://origin.ih.constantcon= tact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/322.jpg?a=3D1102176963031] adolescents hav= e with their grandparents shows that grandparents who are involved in the u= pbringing of their grandchildren can contribute to a child's wellbeing. Thi= s research led by Oxford University challenges previous research showing th= at grandparents who are heavily committed to looking after their grandchild= ren could become depressed and have a negative effect on the children. Grandparents were found to be involved in helping to solve the young people= 's problems, as well as talking with them about plans for their future. Pro= fessor Ann Buchanan said: "We were surprised by the huge amount of informal= caring that the grandparents were doing and how in some cases they were fi= lling the parenting gap for hard working parents. Most adolescents really w= elcomed this relationship. What was especially interesting was the links we= found between 'involved grandparents' and adolescent wellbeing. Closeness = was not enough: only grandparents who got stuck in and did things with thei= r grandchildren had this positive impact on their grandchildren." The study showed that close relationships between grandparents and grandchi= ldren buffered the effects of adverse life events, such as parental separat= ion, because it calmed the children down. A range of factors predicted the = involvement of the grandparents in the upbringing of their grandchildren in= cluding: living in a less deprived area; frequent contact; and the good hea= lth of the grandparent. The young people surveyed did not view physical pro= ximity as being necessarily important as they used modern technology to com= municate. They said they felt grandparents became closer when they undertoo= k some traditional parenting tasks. From National Seniors Australia 'Connect' newsletter: www.nationalseniors.c= om.au Single Dads Editor's Note: We honour all our single dad readers who are willing to read our fathersonl= ine newsletter week by week with its 'All You Need is Love' section and var= ious articles in support of marriage and helping men with their marital rel= ationships. The fact of the matter is that a majority of men widowed or divorced usuall= y get married again.Our goal is to help those men be successful in love. We congratulate Tony Miller on his recent marriage but were unsure of where= to place this article. We think that Tony Miller might become our new marr= iage writer. We trust that you enjoy the wisdom that Tony shares in the article below. Y= our congratulations can be sent to him at tmiller@nor.com.au Gudnight, Sweetdreams, Love you[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/= 1101938345415/img/323.jpg?a=3D1102176963031] As some may or may not be aware. I recently remarried. My wife is of Fijian= Indian decent and I wanted to share with you a simple type of ritual that = is spoken each night just before going to sleep. I am not sure if it is som= ething directly relating to Indian culture but its new to me and I find it = so beautiful I wanted to share it with you. It is just a simple saying, "gu= dnight, sweetdreams, love you." Now you may think, what is he on about? Well the simple truth is, what I like about these four words is, it doesn't= matter if you have had a disagreement earlier in the day, these four words= call an end to it, before you close your eyes. No-matter what's been said,= no-matter what's been done. Its over. Time to call an end to it. Tomorrow = is a new day. Now this is new to me. If you are like me and in the past if = I have had a disagreement with my former partner, or anyone for that matter= , I would take that disagreement to bed with me. I would wrestle with it al= l night. I would relive the disagreement in my mind, tossing and turning, k= eeping myself awake. I would slide over to my side of the bed and let the d= isagreement boil in my mind all night and in the morning I would wake up wi= th grumpy and cranky attached firmly to my back. Sound familiar? "Gudnight, sweetdreams, love you" stops the process, allowing you to sleep = peacefully, knowing that the person laying next to you is not waiting for y= our eyes to close to hit you over the head with a four b two (only joking).= Isn't it a shame we couldn't all end our day with those four words? Well w= e can. It doesn't matter if it's a disagreement with your wife, your employ= er, your kids, your family or whoever. Tomorrow is a new day. Today is over= , forget the blunders of the past, be done with it and start afresh. I wond= er how many marriages could of been saved if only we could all learn and pr= actice those four words each night as the last spoken? Now don't think I am a marriage expert because I'm not, believe me, maybe a= divorce expert sadly. But that is my point. A simple few words that put an= end to any baggage you are carrying to bed with you and the realisation th= at hey, there is a chance you may not wake in the morning, you may not be a= ble to say goodbye, you may not be able to say you are sorry. Doesn't matte= r who was right or who was wrong. Put an end to it. It is over, tomorrow is= a new day. "There is left for myself but one day in the week-today. Any man can fight = the battles of today. It isn't the experiences of today that drives men mad= . It is the remorse for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of= what tomorrow may disclose"..... Robert J. Burdette "Its only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on = earth - and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up - that we wi= ll begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had"= .......Elizabeth Kubler-Ross So "Gudnight, sweetdreams, love you", Tony Miller dids Tony Miller Director/Founder Dads In Distress Inc. PO Box J395 Coffs Harbour Jetty NSW 2450 Ph: 1300 853 437 www.dadsindistress.asn.au All You Need is Love Seven siblings celebrating 50-year marriages By Tom Rademacher [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415= /img/324.jpg?a=3D1102176963031] Newhouse News Service GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - Don't try convincing Ed Jansen, 74, of Cutlerville, t= hat the institution of marriage needs propping up. Or his wife Arlyn, 72. Or Ed's brother Charlie, 83. Or Charlie's wife, Cornelia, 78. Or Cornelia's sister-in-law Wilma VanKooten, 71. Or Wilma's husband Delmer,= 75. Nor Guy and Janet Jansen. Berdena and Junior Vos? Nope. Same goes for Melvin Jansen and wife, Marilyn. And the Geelses - Doris and = Nelson. You'll lose the argument. Because every living son and daughter born in the= past century to the late Evert and Gertie Jansen - seven kids in all - has= celebrated or is about to celebrate 50 years of marriage. Collectively, they stand for 383 years of commitment. Having problems with your partner? Need a compass? Pull up a chair for a le= sson in Nuptial Longevity 101. "I looked and looked for a wife," said Charlie Jansen. "I went with a lot o= f girls. But I wanted one that was perfect, and I found her. And I hung rig= ht on since." The group exploded in laughter but, when you think about it, "hung on" says= a lot about a successful marriage, as in "hanging in there" rather than "h= anging it up." "I attribute it all to faith," said Wilma VanKooten, who tied the knot with= Delmer nearly 60 years ago. The VanKootens also agree with their siblings = and in-laws that pacts had more meaning then than now. "When you got married, it was forever - now, 10 or 15 or 25 years," Arlyn s= aid. "You stayed forever." Their advice for couples? "Pray together," Arlyn said. "Read your Bible. Go to church." Cornelia added, "Eat together." "A lot of give and take," Ed offered. "And family time is important," Wilma said. "We tried to have breakfast together before the kids went to school," Arlyn= said. "That's how the kids started off the day." The couples also recommend staying in touch with close relatives, regardles= s of your issues. "A lot of people say, 'I haven't seen my brother in seven years,' " Ed said= . "I have such a hard time understanding that." Reflecting the changing times, Wilma said she used to write a lot of letter= s. That has been replaced by emails. The Jansen clan has had to battle through its share of hardships. The family lost twins shortly after birth and a brother to World War II at = the Battle of the Bulge. Dick Jansen was 22 when he died in 1944, leaving b= ehind a wife and an infant he never saw. The Jansens grew up in Iowa, where their parents worked as farmers. Five of= the couples still live there, while Ed and Arlyn Jansen and Charlie and Co= rnelia Jansen live in the Cutlerville, Mich., area. The five Iowa couples are Delmer and Wilma, and Guy and Janet Jansen (marri= ed 58 years), Junior and Berdena Vos (58 years), Nelson and Doris Geels (54= years) and Melvin and Marilyn Jansen, who will celebrate their 50th in Aug= ust. Time has taken its toll. Last year alone, the group of 14 endured five onse= ts of cancer in varying forms, a ruptured appendix, one hip replacement and= two accidents - one involving a wayward ladder and the other an uncooperat= ive tree. Humor helps them along. Charlie lauded his wife Cornelia's cooking: "It's really good, or I wouldn'= t have stayed around." "We travel well together," Arlyn said of herself and Ed. "But wallpapering = together? I think I did that when he was at work." They all came to accept each other's idiosyncrasies. "Delmer's got perfect drawers," Wilma said of the way her husband folds and= puts away clothes in his dresser. "He got it from his mother." As for Ed and Arlyn, "She's cold and I'm hot," he said. She agreed: "A good thing we just got air conditioning." Charlie collects tractors, and to celebrate his upcoming 60th with Cornelia= , he's looking for another 1946 Model 70 Oliver to go with the one he resto= red, so he and his bride can ride into the sunset on their anniversary. "I'm thinking I'll have a sign on the back that reads: 'Pulling together fo= r 60 years.' " Copyright =A9 2008 The Seattle Times Company Special Feature [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/325.jpg?a=3D1= 102176963031] Short Course on Human Relations THE SIX MOST IMPORTANT WORDS 'I ADMIT I MADE A MISTAKE' THE FIVE MOST IMPORTANT WORDS 'YOU DID A GOOD JOB' THE FOUR MOST IMPORTANT WORDS 'WHAT IS YOUR OPINION' THE THREE MOST IMPORTANT WORDS 'WOULD YOU MIND' THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT WORDS 'THANK YOU' THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD 'WE' THE LEAST IMPORTANT WORD 'I' News & Info News Links for Parents[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/110193834= 5415/img/60.jpg?a=3D1102176963031] Parents go back to School to help Kids Lose your marriage,lose your home Does Sex Have a Future Justice UK Family Court System Let Kids be Kids GE Money reckons Boys are dearer to raise than Girls ___________________________________________ [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/315.jpg?a=3D1= 102176963031] The 2nd National Conference of the Men's Advisory Network (MAN) will be hel= d from 3-6 August 2008 at the Fremantle Esplanade Hotel. It follows on from= the successful conference held in 2006. The registration booklet containing the program, plus the registration for= m are attached. Early bird registrations have been extended to Wednesday, 9= July 2008. A special discount of 20% applies to four (4) or more registrations from th= e same organisation, provided they are lodged at the same time. MAN has received funding from Lotterywest, which will provide a number of s= cholarships to assist people from Western Australian not-for-profit organis= ations to attend the conference. Information sheet and application form. _______________________________________ Dear Melbourne Dads, A sympathetic researcher at Victoria University wants half a dozen dads to = talk about their experiences afther their divorces.. "It is hoped that this will give voice to non-custodial fathers and their p= light." I've been interviewed and she is supportative of dads and I ask you all to = email/phone her to help her with the research! James ADAMS PartTimeParent@POBox.com Email to julie.= burns1@optusnet.com.au ________________________________ MEDIA RELEASE[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/= 290.jpg?a=3D1102176963031] DATE: 18TH July 2008 SUBJECT: When will we see our Children? Federal Government researcher Ibolya Losoncz has found in her survey of 700= parents in the latest Family matters journal that most dads and nearly half of all mums think dads don't s= ee their kids enough and that if the mother saw little value in the father'= s involvement, she tended to limit the father's role. Also "Three=ADquarters of separated dads want to see more of their children= " And "For most children, separation of their parents will be marked by a con= siderable loss of contact with their non=ADresident parent, often the fathe= r," she said. Dads in Distress Inc Founder Tony Miller said "Of course dads want to see m= ore of their children and there is huge majorities who have court orders th= at say their children have a right to see dad, but are they being adhered t= o? No! "Resident parents are breaking the law while the Family Court looks = the other way," he said. "Recently the Government came out with huge fanfar= e to punish dads who were not paying child support, many of whom haven't se= en their kids for years. CSA now has the power to sell up houses, cars etc,= garnishee wages, use optical surveillance etc, but what happens when a res= ident parent refuses to abide by court orders that allow kids to see their = dads? Absolutely NOTHING." The Family Law Council has called for the establishment of a Child Orders E= nforcement Agency which would respond to complaints from aggrieved parents = denied court ordered access to their children. DIDS INC believe that the CS= A who have just been given wide ranging powers to wield against non payers = would be well placed to be that agency and maybe it would even put an end t= o the perception of dads that the agency is biased and finally dads may eve= n get a fair go. Just imagine the court time it would free up, said Mr. Mil= ler "Kids need both mum AND dad in their day to day lives. A reversal of orders= or a stop on child support on a three strikes your out basis would fix the= problem immediately. But who's going to enforce it?" Mr. Miller said. DIDS Media Contact: Tony Miller (Founder/Director DIDS) Ph: (02) 6652 8113 Mb: 0422 105 855 Ema= il: tmiller@nor.com.au Web: www.dadsindistress.= asn.au ____________________________________________________ [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/328.jpg?a=3D1= 102176963031] Tony Miller of Dads in Distress is hoping to have a run on Enough Rope with Andrew Denton. Help Tony by adding your support at suggest a guest = on the program site or email Colin Spratt from DIDS who can help on how to = comment. ccspratt@bigpond.com Dad's Prayer [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/326.jpg?a=3D= 1102176963031] Dear God Living for others is so easy to say but so hard to do! I think about myself 90% of the time. It's always me, myself and I . . . Help me put 'we' in front of me and my children in front of 'I'. 'We' is the most important word and 'I' is the least important word. Living for others will be a miracle but I believe in miracles. Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of h= arm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in f= athering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, pr= otective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and thei= r children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public F= und and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax ded= uctibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong DONATE ONLINE BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 542 UNANDERRA NSW 2526 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Regis= ter of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax = Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscri= bed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receiv= e future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below. Forward email [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/safe_unsubscribe_logo.gif] This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by info@fathersonline.org. Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe(tm) | Pri= vacy Policy. Email Marketing= by [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/cc-logo-color-sm.gif] Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia --_000_1102176963031110193834541512118106193502scheduler_ Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
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21st July 2008  &= nbsp;      Inspiring Fathers  Encouraging Families Issue 309
Living for Others
Dear Brian,

Welc= ome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information service f= or the fathers and families as we present Living for Others.

=09
In This Issue
Frontline...Real Love
Laughter..Kids are funny
Grandfathers...Grandfathers enhance wellbeing
Single Dads...Gudnight,sweetdreams
All You Need is Love..Seven siblings celebrate
Special Feature...Human relations
News & Info..News Links for Parents
Dad's Prayer..Help me Live for others
Next Week&nb= sp;
 The = Greatest Power in the Universe
 =09 =09
 
Join our Mailing List!
 
Quick Links

Thought of the Week

3D"Helping
<= /font> Only a life lived=20
 for others is worth living.
 
Al= bert Einstein
Frontline
 
<= /font>It has been a busy two weeks for my family and I.3D"WYD
 
In the first week our family at= tended the Hillsong Conference at the Acer Arena, Homebush Bay which was ho= sted by Brian and Bobbie Houston of the Hillsong Church, Castle Hill, Sydney.
 
In the second week I attended some of the World Youth Day activities. World Youth Day is the largest youth eve= nt in the world and the largest event Australia has ever hosted.
 = ;
Last Wednesday, as part of World Youth Day, I listened to Christopher We= st speaking on 'God and Sex' along with three thousand other young peop= le.
 
I possess an intense interest for these two subjects. = Most males would share my interest in the subject of sex. (From now on, in = this article, I will use the word  's*x' in the hope that it will get = through email filters. The only reason I do not cover this subject more oft= en is the rising use of spam filters to knock out p*rn on email networks.) = This is a core issue for men in more ways than one. It both makes marriages= and produces families, but, when misapplied, destroys marriages and famili= es with devastating consequences.
 
I enjoy the activity of = s*x with my wife greatly and hope that she can say the same. Most men are t= wo minute wonders when it comes to the making of love, whereas women are mo= re like radiators - slow to warm up but once hot, stay hot for longer, much= longer than most men have either the ability or the patience for. Here-in = lies a quandary: true s*x is all about giving but our western culture says = it is all about getting.
 
We live in a culture that is s*x = mad. P*rn has become the wallpaper for our society, so much so that our chi= ldren are beginning to grow up wanting to be p*rn stars, such deviancy havi= ng become normalized by our capitalistic consumerism. Our liberal arts comm= unity and media have all added fuel to the fire.
 
Many of = the big stores are selling lingerie for young girls. The recent debacle abo= ut Bill Henson's so-called a= rtistic p*rn exhibition just shows how far our society has sunk. Any person= with such images on his computer would probably be charged and end up doin= g gaol time - but not if you are an artist. Our society is getting sicker b= y the moment and our children pay the price for our perversions. The Father= hood Foundation congratulates Mr Rudd and Mr Nelson on their stand against = this sickness.
 
So what does all this have to do with me as= a father? Lots. You have children, I have children. What sort of a world a= re we bringing them up in but, more importantly, what sort of world are we = leaving as an inheritance for them when we are gone. Our society has been d= umbing deviancy down for decades. How much lower can we go before we do som= ething as dads who care for our kids? Where do we start? What can we do? 
The answer starts when we as concerned fathers take stock of= our own attitude in regards to our own sexual integrity. We must win this = battle firstly for ourselves before we can win it for others. As Pogo said,= "I have met the enemy and the enemy is us." Bob Dylan put it differently, = "The enemy I see wears a cloak of decency."
 
The female for= m without clothes is of great interest to us all. That's the way God made u= s as men. The problem is that when the female form becomes the wallpaper of= our world, men begin to live more and more for themselves and less and les= s for the ones they love. For this reason the Fatherhood Foundation conduct= ed Australia's first Sexual Integrity Forum in 2005, Parliament House, Canberra.=
 
The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to= love his wife. To love her is to satisfy her. To satisfy her is to put her= needs first. Feminists rightly complained in the sixties that marriage for= many women was nothing more than legalised prostitution. This was part of = the contribution to our high divorce rate. We must become the change we see= k and then be prepared to speak up loudly on behalf of our children. Living= for ourselves is not the answer, but living for others is.
 
Lovework
 
If you want to get some answer= s to help you deal with some of the issues I have described, get a hold of = 'Valiant Man' by Dr Allan Meyers or check out Sexaholics Anonymous. Living for othe= rs is the key to enjoying life and staying free.
 
When we = get free our families become free. When our families become free our commun= ities get free. When our communities get free, the nation is next and then,= look out world.
 
Yours for more freedom
Warwick Marsh=
 
P.S. 3D"Hillsong"I have not written much about the Hillsong Conference but i= t was totally awesome in every way. Brian Houston's son, Joel, spoke about = touching our communities with the 'I Heart Revolu= tion' which was a highlight for me personally. Brian also spoke well, a= s did Joyc= e Meyer. The theme that kept coming through again and again was the tit= le of this week's fathersonline 'Living for Others'. So easy to say, so har= d to do! More power to you on the journey of love.=20
 

_________________________________= ___________________________________

=

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for&nbs= p;32 years. He is the grandfather of two children and father of five childr= en, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 27 years to 15 years.&= nbsp; Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who li= kes to think he can still laugh at himself.
=
Laughter
=
   3D"Bathtub"
 Little five year old Johnny w= as in the bath tub, and his mom was washing his hair. She said to him, "Wow= , your hair is growing so fast! You need a haircut again."
Little John= ny replied, "Maybe you should stop watering it so much."
__________________________________________________
 
3D"Escape"Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm rea= lly worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and goo= d food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worrie= d sick!"
The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds= to me like you've got it made!"
The first kid says, "What if they try= to escape?"
_________________________________________________= _
 

A father was trying to teach = his young son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of wate= r and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, whil= e the one in the whiskey curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked t= he father, "what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you= drink alcohol, you will not have worms."
Grandfathers
 Grandparents Enhance = Wellbeing
 
A British survey about the relat= ionships that 3D"Seniors"adolescents = have with their grandparents shows that grandparents who are involved in th= e upbringing of their grandchildren can contribute to a child's wellbeing. = This research led by Oxford University challenges previous research showing= that grandparents who are heavily committed to looking after their grandch= ildren could become depressed and have a negative effect on the children. <= br /> 
Grandparents were found to be involved in helping to solve= the young people's problems, as well as talking with them about plans for = their future. Professor Ann Buchanan said: "We were surprised by the huge a= mount of informal caring that the grandparents were doing and how in some c= ases they were filling the parenting gap for hard working parents. Most ado= lescents really welcomed this relationship. What was especially interesting= was the links we found between 'involved grandparents' and adolescent well= being. Closeness was not enough: only grandparents who got stuck in and did= things with their grandchildren had this positive impact on their grandchi= ldren."
 
The study showed that close relationships between = grandparents and grandchildren buffered the effects of adverse life events,= such as parental separation, because it calmed the children down. A range = of factors predicted the involvement of the grandparents in the upbringing = of their grandchildren including: living in a less deprived area; frequent = contact; and the good health of the grandparent. The young people surveyed = did not view physical proximity as being necessarily important as they used= modern technology to communicate. They said they felt grandparents became = closer when they undertook some traditional parenting tasks.
 From National Seniors Australia 'Connect' newsletter: www.nationalseniors.com.au 
=
Single Dads
Editor's Note:<= br /> 
We honour all our single dad readers who are willing to re= ad our fathersonline newsletter week by week with its 'All You Need is Love= ' section and various articles in support of marriage and helping men with = their marital relationships.
 
The fact of the matter is tha= t a majority of men widowed or divorced usually get married again.Our goal = is to help those men be successful in love.
 
We congratulat= e Tony Miller on his recent marriage but were unsure of where to place this= article. We think that Tony Miller might become our new marriage writer. 
We trust that you enjoy the wisdom that Tony shares in the = article below. Your congratulations can be sent to him at tmiller@nor.com.au  
&= nbsp;
Gudnight, Sweetdreams, Love you3D"Couple
 
As some may or may not be aware. I re= cently remarried. My wife is of Fijian Indian decent and I wanted to share = with you a simple type of ritual that is spoken each night just before goin= g to sleep. I am not sure if it is something directly relating to Indian cu= lture but its new to me and I find it so beautiful I wanted to share i= t with you. It is just a simple saying, "gudnight, sweetdreams, love y= ou." Now you may think, what is he on about?
 
Well the simp= le truth is, what I like about these four words is, it doesn't matter if yo= u have had a disagreement earlier in the day, these four words call an end = to it, before you close your eyes. No-matter what's been said, no-matt= er what's been done. Its over. Time to call an end to it. Tomorrow is a new= day. Now this is new to me. If you are like me and in the past if I h= ave had a disagreement with my former partner, or anyone for that matt= er, I would take that disagreement to bed with me. I would wrestle with it = all night. I would relive the disagreement in my mind, tossing and turning,= keeping myself awake. I would slide over to my side of the bed and le= t the disagreement boil in my mind all night and in the morning I would wak= e up with grumpy and cranky attached firmly to my back. Sound familiar?
 
"Gudnight, sweetdreams, love you" stops the process, allowing= you to sleep peacefully, knowing that the person laying next to you is not= waiting for your eyes to close to hit you over the head with a four b two = (only joking). Isn't it a shame we couldn't all end our day with those four= words? Well we can. It doesn't matter if it's a disagreement with your wif= e, your employer, your kids, your family or whoever. Tomorrow is a new day.= Today is over, forget the blunders of the past, be done with it and start = afresh. I wonder how many marriages could of been saved if only w= e could all learn and practice those four words each night as the last spok= en?
 
Now don't think I am a marriage expert because I'm not= , believe me, maybe a divorce expert sadly. But that is my point. A simple = few words that put an end to any baggage you are carrying to bed with you a= nd the realisation that hey, there is a chance you may not wake in the morn= ing, you may not be able to say goodbye, you may not be able to say you are= sorry. Doesn't matter who was right or who was wrong. Put an end to it. It= is over, tomorrow is a new day.
 
"There is left for myself= but one day in the week-today. Any man can fight the battles of today. It = isn't the experiences of today that drives men mad. It is the remorse for s= omething that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may disclo= se"..... Robert J. Burdette
 
"Its only when we truly know a= nd understand that we have a limited time on earth - and that we have no wa= y of knowing when our time is up - that we will begin to live each day to t= he fullest, as if it was the only one we had" .......Elizabeth Kubler-Ross<= br />  
So "Gudnight, sweetdreams, love you", Tony Miller d= ids
 
Tony Miller
Director/Founder
 
Dad= s In Distress Inc.
PO Box J395
Coffs Harbour Jetty
NSW 2450<= br /> 
Ph: 1300 853 437
www.dadsindistress.asn.au 
 
All You Nee= d is Love
  
Seven sib= lings celebrating 50-year marriages
By Tom Rademacher = 3D"Old
 

Newhouse News Service
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - Don= 't try convincing Ed Jansen, 74, of Cutlerville, that the institution of ma= rriage needs propping up.
Or his wife Arlyn, 72.
Or Ed's brother Charlie, 83. Or Charlie's wife, Cornelia, 78.
Or C= ornelia's sister-in-law Wilma VanKooten, 71. Or Wilma's husband Delmer, 75.= Nor Guy and Janet Jansen.
Berdena and Junior Vos?
Nope.
Sam= e goes for Melvin Jansen and wife, Marilyn. And the Geelses - Doris and Nel= son.
You'll lose the argument. Because every living son and daughter b= orn in the past century to the late Evert and Gertie Jansen - seven kids in= all - has celebrated or is about to celebrate 50 years of marriage.
C= ollectively, they stand for 383 years of commitment.
Having problems w= ith your partner? Need a compass? Pull up a chair for a lesson in Nuptial L= ongevity 101.
"I looked and looked for a wife," said Charlie Jansen. "= I went with a lot of girls. But I wanted one that was perfect, and I found = her. And I hung right on since."
The group exploded in laughter but, w= hen you think about it, "hung on" says a lot about a successful marriage, a= s in "hanging in there" rather than "hanging it up."
"I attribute it a= ll to faith," said Wilma VanKooten, who tied the knot with Delmer nearly 60= years ago. The VanKootens also agree with their siblings and in-laws that = pacts had more meaning then than now.
"When you got married, it was fo= rever - now, 10 or 15 or 25 years," Arlyn said. "You stayed forever."
= Their advice for couples?
"Pray together," Arlyn said. "Read your Bibl= e. Go to church."
Cornelia added, "Eat together."
"A lot of give = and take," Ed offered.
"And family time is important," Wilma said.
"We tried to have breakfast together before the kids went to school," Arl= yn said. "That's how the kids started off the day."
The couples also r= ecommend staying in touch with close relatives, regardless of your issues.<= br />"A lot of people say, 'I haven't seen my brother in seven years,' " Ed= said. "I have such a hard time understanding that."
Reflecting the ch= anging times, Wilma said she used to write a lot of letters. That has been = replaced by emails.
The Jansen clan has had to battle through its shar= e of hardships.
The family lost twins shortly after birth and a brothe= r to World War II at the Battle of the Bulge. Dick Jansen was 22 when he di= ed in 1944, leaving behind a wife and an infant he never saw.
The Jans= ens grew up in Iowa, where their parents worked as farmers. Five of the cou= ples still live there, while Ed and Arlyn Jansen and Charlie and Cornelia J= ansen live in the Cutlerville, Mich., area.
The five Iowa couples are = Delmer and Wilma, and Guy and Janet Jansen (married 58 years), Junior and B= erdena Vos (58 years), Nelson and Doris Geels (54 years) and Melvin and Mar= ilyn Jansen, who will celebrate their 50th in August.
Time has taken i= ts toll. Last year alone, the group of 14 endured five onsets of cancer in = varying forms, a ruptured appendix, one hip replacement and two accidents -= one involving a wayward ladder and the other an uncooperative tree.
H= umor helps them along.
Charlie lauded his wife Cornelia's cooking: "It= 's really good, or I wouldn't have stayed around."
"We travel well tog= ether," Arlyn said of herself and Ed. "But wallpapering together? I think I= did that when he was at work."
They all came to accept each other's i= diosyncrasies.
"Delmer's got perfect drawers," Wilma said of the way h= er husband folds and puts away clothes in his dresser. "He got it from his = mother."
As for Ed and Arlyn, "She's cold and I'm hot," he said.
= She agreed: "A good thing we just got air conditioning."
Charlie colle= cts tractors, and to celebrate his upcoming 60th with Cornelia, he's lookin= g for another 1946 Model 70 Oliver to go with the one he restored, so he an= d his bride can ride into the sunset on their anniversary.
"I'm thinki= ng I'll have a sign on the back that reads: 'Pulling together for 60 years.= ' "
Copyright =A9 2008 The Seattle Times Company
=09

Special Feature

<= /font>
 
3D"Family
 Short Course on Human Relations
 THE SIX MOST IMPORTANT WORDS'I ADMIT I MADE A MISTAKE'
 THE FIVE MOST IMPORTANT WORDS
'YOU DID A G= OOD JOB'
 
 
THE FOUR MOST IMPORTANT WORDS<= br />'WHAT IS YOUR OPINION'
 
 
THE THREE MOST IMPORTANT WORDS
'W= OULD YOU MIND'
 
 
THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT W= ORDS
'THANK YOU'
 
 = ;
THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD
'WE'=
 
 
THE LEAST IMPORTANT WORD
'I'

Ne= ws & Info
=
 
News Links= for Parents3D"Man
 
 
 =20
 

___________________________________________
 
3D"Man
 
_______________________________________ 

Dear Melbourne Dads,
A sympathetic researcher= at Victoria University wants half a dozen dads to talk about their experie= nces afther their divorces..
"It is hoped that this will give voice t= o non-custodial fathers and their plight."

I've been interviewed= and she is supportative of dads and I ask you all to email/phone her to he= lp her with the research!

James ADAMS
PartTimeParent@POBox.com   Email to julie.burns1@optusnet.com.au
________________________________ 
ME= DIA RELEASE3D"DIDS"<= /div>
 
DATE: 18TH Ju= ly 2008
SUBJECT: When will we see our Children?

Federal= Government researcher Ibolya Losoncz has found in her survey of 700 parent= s in the latest  Family matters journal  that most dads a= nd nearly half of all mums think dads don't see their kids enough and that = if the mother saw little value in the father's involvement, she tended to l= imit the father's role.
Also "Three­quarters of separated dads wa= nt to see more of their children"
And "For most children, separation = of their parents will be marked by a considerable loss of contact with thei= r non­resident parent, often the father," she said.
Dads in Distr= ess Inc Founder Tony Miller said "Of course dads want to see more of their = children and there is huge majorities who have court orders that say their = children have a right to see dad, but are they being adhered to? No! "Resid= ent parents are breaking the law while the Family Court looks the other way= ," he said. "Recently the Government came out with huge fanfare to punish d= ads who were not paying child support, many of whom haven't seen their kids= for years. CSA now has the power to sell up houses, cars etc, garnishee wa= ges, use optical surveillance etc, but what happens when a resident parent = refuses to abide by court orders that allow kids to see their dads? Absolut= ely NOTHING."
The Family Law Council has called for the establishment= of a Child Orders Enforcement Agency which would respond to complaints fro= m aggrieved parents denied court ordered access to their children. DIDS INC= believe that the CSA who have just been given wide ranging powers to wield= against non payers would be well placed to be that agency and maybe it wou= ld even put an end to the perception of dads that the agency is biased and = finally dads may even get a fair go. Just imagine the court time it would f= ree up, said Mr. Miller
"Kids need both mum AND dad in their day to d= ay lives. A reversal of orders or a stop on child support on a three strike= s your out basis would fix the problem immediately. But who's going to enfo= rce it?" Mr. Miller said.

DIDS Media Contact:
Tony M= iller (Founder/Director DIDS) Ph: (02) 6652 8113 Mb: 0422 105 855 Email: tmiller@nor.com.au  Web: www.dadsindistress.asn.au  
____________________________________________________

3D"And= 
Tony Miller o= f Dads in Distress is hoping to have a run on Enough Rope with Andrew Denton.
Help Tony by = adding your support at suggest a guest on the program site or email Colin Spratt from= DIDS who can help on how to comment. ccspratt@bigpond.com
=09 =09

Dad's Prayer

           &nbs= p;       
 3D"Fat
Dear God
 
Living for others is so easy to say=
but so hard to do!
I think about myself 90% of the time.
It= 's always me, myself and I . . .
Help me put 'we' in front of me
and my children in front of 'I'.
'We' is the most important word
and 'I' is the least important word.
Living for others will be a mira= cle
but I believe in miracles.
=09
=09
Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Pre= vention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been pro= ven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children b= y promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word an= d deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well= -being of their children and their children's mother.

 

If you would like to give financially t= o the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

 

Fatherhood Found= ation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be = emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)

 


Westpac Branch Wollon= gong            = ;         DONATE ONLINE


BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558
 

Or mail cheque and address details to:<= br />PO Box 542
UNANDERRA  NSW&nbs= p; 2526
AUSTRALIA

 

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund&n= bsp; is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities u= nder Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.=

 

You have received the fatherson= line.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been = subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive future emails, = please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below.

=09
=09
=09
3D"Safe
This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by in= fo@fathersonline.org.
Fatherhood Foundati= on | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia
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