Received: from evaki.its.uow.edu.au (130.130.68.32) by staffmail.uow.edu.au (10.5.102.13) with Microsoft SMTP Server id 8.1.291.1; Sun, 24 Aug 2008 09:20:47 +1000 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by evaki.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1KX2PX-0004dO-J6 for blane@uow.edu.au; Sun, 24 Aug 2008 09:20:47 +1000 Received: from c3.confirmedcc.com (c3.confirmedcc.com [64.95.77.164]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.8.7a) with ESMTP id NJI72788; Sun, 24 Aug 2008 09:20:42 +1000 (EST) Received: from p1-ws008.ad.prodcc.net (unknown [10.250.0.101]) by c3.confirmedcc.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 3548F3FE0CE for ; Sat, 23 Aug 2008 17:26:57 -0400 (EDT) From: Fatherhood Foundation To: Brian Lane Date: Sun, 24 Aug 2008 09:20:39 +1000 Subject: Daughters & Their Dads Thread-Topic: Daughters & Their Dads Thread-Index: AckFduBHw+l/q8acSo+2WZGQbEGk+A== Message-ID: <1102208222151.1101938345415.1211.8.100192002@scheduler> List-Unsubscribe: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?p=un&v=001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-3d90mBLDU8ykBXVJKc4pAwSXfZrCVmcCnA== Reply-To: "info@fathersonline.org" Accept-Language: en-AU, en-US Content-Language: en-US X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthAs: Anonymous X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthSource: excasht01.ad.uow.edu.au X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: x-junkmail-status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au x-junkmail-sd-raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A010206.48B09B4F.00B3,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=64.95.77.164, so=2008-05-01 23:44:25, dmn=5.4.3/2008-02-01 x-junkmail-iwf: false x-return-path-hint: ESC1102208222151_1101938345415_1211@in.confirmedcc.com x-roving-id: 1101938345415.1211 x-lumos-senderid: 1101938345415 x-roving-campaignid: 1102208222151 x-roving-streamid: 0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="_000_1102208222151110193834541512118100192002scheduler_" MIME-Version: 1.0 --_000_1102208222151110193834541512118100192002scheduler_ Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/11.jpg?a=3D11= 02208222151] 25th August 2008 Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families Issue 314 [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/1101093164665/people3_header= 1.jpg] Daughters and Their Dads New release for Father's Day Dear Brian, Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information servi= ce for fathers and families as we present Daughters and Their Dads In This Issue Frontline...Fathers Day Celebrations Laughter.. Installing a Husband Grandfathers...One Man Fan Club Single Dads...It's a Small Club,right All You Need is Love..Why Husbands should read this book Special Feature...Daughters News & Info..News Links for Parents Dad's Prayer..The Female Creator Next Week Matthew Hayden, Cricket & Dads4Kids Join our Mailing List! [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/ftf_btn_1.gif] Quick Links Fatherhood Foundation Lone Fathers Fatherhood Project Fatherhood Institute UK Marriage Education 100 Good Men Salt Shakers Civitas UK Bruce Robinson CSA Adverts Thought of the Week [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/374.jpg?a=3D1= 102208222151]It is never too late to work on the father-daughter relationship Dr Bruce Robinson Link of the Week Dads & Daughters in the movies Frontline [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/373.jpg?a= =3D1102208222151] Father's Day will be celebrated on Sunday 7th September 2008 in Australia. To celebrate Father's Day Dr Bruce Robinson, author of best seller 'Fatheri= ng from the Fast Lane' (first released in 2001), is releasing a new book, '= Daughters and their Dads'. Dr Robinson has been a great encouragement to our work at the Fatherhood Fo= undation over the years. He is one of the featured speakers in our Good to = Great Fatherhood Mentoring course. You will find my glowing review of Dr Robinson's new book on the back cover= . 'This book is brilliant. It is the best book I have ever read on daughter= s and their dads without a shadow of a doubt. It is a must read book for ev= ery daughter and every dad'. If you don't believe me then listen to what Geraldine Doogue says about 'Da= ughters and their Dads': 'You'll love the stories from this book and they w= ill keep you reading, fathers and daughters alike'. Dr Bruce Robinson sums up his book so well: There is something particular in the relationship between daughters and the= ir fathers that represents a powerful bond, a powerful potential influence,= for good or bad. Sometimes dads tell me that all kids need one thing - lov= e. I used to think that too. Just love them all and have good times with th= em and teach them stuff and everything would be OK. This is not so. Dads need to be aware that there are several ways a daughter's future is pe= culiarly influenced by the relationship with her father. It is incorrect to= say that girls only need the same inputs as boys - this is true to a point= , but there are some things that are particularly important for girls. . . . . . when I found this out I first became really concerned about my own pe= rformance as a father. Once I realised that as Amy's father my role was imp= ortant and not optional, that I have a profound effect on her life for good= or bad, I asked myself how well I was doing. Was I behaving in a way that = will help her in her important relationships, not hinder them? And was I gi= ving her confidence in herself rather than eroding that confidence? I had, = up until then, thought I had been doing a pretty good job as a dad. But the= n I realised there were many things I just wasn't doing because I wasn't aw= are that my daughter needed anything different from what my sons needed. The strategies listed in this book can strengthen the bond between a father= and his daughter and help equip a daughter for life. What that means in re= ality won't be the same for every child, because every child is unique. And= it won't be the same for every dad, because every dad is different. Also, = not all dads reading this will be living in the same house as their childre= n. Not every idea, tip and strategy will suit every reader so just take and= use those that you find helpful. This is not an instruction manual but a c= ollection of ideas that will suit different people at different times. Knowing what to do as a father of sons is hard enough, but doing a good job= of being a father to daughters is not intuitive for men - we have never be= en girls. A book like this helps fill those gaps in our knowledge before it= is too late to realise we don't know what we are doing. . . . . .Given that few men can identify what it is that their daughters need f= rom them as distinct from their sons, we need to focus on that issue. Dads = lack basic knowledge about being a girl - they have never been girls themse= lves and their father never taught them how to be a good dad to a daughter.= Often they have never read or heard anything on the subject. Indeed there = is not much written on the subject of fathers and daughters, nor much spoke= n about in the media. Another problem is that of male discomfort with girly things - men often fe= el more comfortable doing things with sons rather than with daughters. Cert= ainly boys need a father figure in their life but dads need to not let thei= r desire to help their sons keep them from engaging with their daughters. Lovework As John Mayer sings, 'Fathers be good to your daughters, daughters will lov= e like you do.' It's very hard to beat those words. The tough thing is putting them into pr= actice. But you are a man aren't you? When the going gets tough, the tough get goin= g. What more can I say? Yours for tough men who love their daughters Warwick Marsh PS You can purchase Dr Bruce Robinson's book, 'Daughters and their Dads', or = order it from your nearest book store. If you would like to join us at our exciting Dads4Kids Forum which will be = held at Parliament House on 4th September 2008, please let me know ASAP. O= pportunities for an experience like this don't come easily. Grab them while= you can. More info in News & Info or contact Warwick at info@fatherhood.or= g.au ____________________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfath= er of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ran= ging in age from 27 years to 15 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, = producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himsel= f. Laughter INSTALLING A HUSBAND [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345= 415/img/371.jpg?a=3D1102208222151] Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distin= ct slowdown in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and= jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as = Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable progr= ams such as AFL 5.0, The Ashes 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the s= ystem. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avai= l. What can I do? Signed, Desperate ........................................................................ Dear Desperate: First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husban= d 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to do= wnload Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that = application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run th= e applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to def= ault to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the b= ackground that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsu= pported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory= and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying addit= ional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7. Good Luck, Tech Support Grandfathers My One Man Fan Club 24 May 2008 By Eddie Cross MP Zimbabwe [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101= 938345415/img/372.jpg?a=3D1102208222151] I have been in public life long enough to know that nobody is as fickle as = the public. One day you might be a hero, the next an outcast, I have been b= oth - often! It helps to have a fan club and I have mine. He is four years = old and has my daughter as his mother. Of course he is not old enough to really make a value judgment but that is = just part of the magic. When I was campaigning for my seat in the March ele= ction, the party printed a poster with my face on it and this was plastered= all over the place. Somehow Keith got hold of a copy and when he went to a= function with my daughter, he proudly marched about among all the adults, = showing off his poster to anyone who would listen to him. This is my Grandp= a he said. At home he insisted on having the poster stuck to the wall above his bed wh= ere it remains today. We have a great relationship and I must say, without = any bias, he is just the most intelligent and handsome young man that I kno= w. My son has four girls and my relationship with them is a bit different - I = have competition in the form of my son who is a rather special person. Ther= e is no doubt in the girls' mind whom they support, I am still Granddad Cro= ss, but he is Dad. His eldest is almost a teenager, most people dread that = age - I have always thought of it as a time of mutual discovery and change.= She is going to be a stunning young lady, tall and slim with long auburn h= air and big eyes that will one day slay the boys left and right. Girls have their first love affair with their dads, or that is how it shoul= d be. In this case I have no doubt that each of the four will go through su= ch a phase. During this they can hug him and he can hold them close without= threat of any ulterior motive - just to be close. He is about the only man= they can trust like that until they themselves fall in love and get into a= relationship outside the family. It is a crucial time for both the young l= ady and her dad. He, because when this special short term relationship takes place, probably= over 40, a bit jaded, knows he is not going to be the next President, and = this special time builds his confidence as a person and gives life a specia= l meaning. For her it's a time of discovery - what makes a man tick? Her ow= n life is changing as she goes through puberty and soon she will be through= that time and suddenly discovering boys. What is vital for both in such special relationships is time. The man must = find time at the peak of his career to spend time with his girls - individu= ally. A good friend of mine who is a doctor in Botswana took his daughter t= o London when she turned 12, just the two of them. They went to shows and f= unctions and she had his undivided attention, she will never forget that ti= me and neither will he. Many men miss this experience and in doing so they miss something of the re= al nature of life itself. Girls and boys who grow up without a loving relat= ionship with their parents miss out on something that is very special. I be= lieve in the extended family - in my own case both of our parents died at h= ome in their retirement. My father lived with us for 17 years before he die= d. We were glad to give them security and companionship as they grew older = and our children benefited from their presence and experience. . . . . . I want to see men picking up their children from school and attending= school board meetings. I want every man to know how special it is to have = a little 4-year-old call you grandpa and want you to tuck him into bed at n= ight. I want every girl to look back on her youth and realize how important= her father was to her. Is there anything else in the world so important? L= et me tell you its worth giving your life for - any day. Source and full article. Single Dads Single Dads-It's a small club, right? by Paul Batchelder [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/375.jpg?a=3D= 1102208222151] You're not alone. Not by a long shot, guys. Did you know that since 1980 th= e number of single dads in the US has doubled to nearly 1.6 million? That's= a lot of us. I'd bet the census count missed a few too. Single dads are gr= owing 6 percent a year-that's double the rate for single moms. That means a= lmost 15 percent of us men are running a dad-only household. DOWN AT THE MOUTH? THINK AGAIN It's so easy to fall into the "Poor me, I'm just a single dad" attitude. Fo= r one thing, everything around us promotes the stereotype. Stop and think. = What words and phrases come to mind when you think of yourself as a single = dad? "Mr. Mom." "Absentee Father." Or maybe "Deadbeat Dad." You never saw y= ourself this way before you were a single dad, right? So what makes you any= less valuable as a father now? Nothing does. If anything, you're more valu= able now-more of a stabilizing factor, more of a necessary dad than you eve= r were. I remember my first days as a single dad. I don't enjoy remembering. My kid= s were only 1 and 3 at the time. I was into bottles, diapers, day care and = Winnie the Pooh. It was a time of holding them, nurturing them, wiping tear= s away. And watching them go. That Christmas may have been the hardest. Whe= n it was Mom's week, starting the afternoon of the 25th, I watched them dri= ve off and felt the punch to my stomach. You know what punch I mean. It fee= ls like the first one you got back in third grade. THE CHOICE IS YOURS; MAKE IT A GOOD ONE Right then and there I decided I could spend the rest of my life feeling do= wn and out or I could do what was best for me and the kids. I guess you cou= ld say I took the road less traveled in this case and became a proactive si= ngle dad. My time with the kids became the most valuable asset I had. I nee= ded to provide for them, but my career and its satisfaction didn't come clo= se to what we did together. And boy, did we do things together. These were = times that only a dad could invent. Still, there's a strong message that pa= renting is really all about mothering. CAN A DAD REALLY BE A MOM? Somehow, single dads are supposed to raise kids like moms do. But what happ= ens? We fail miserably. Or we walk away. That makes the kids very miserable= . As a single father, raising children should feel natural. Simply remember= to raise them as a man would. Sure, moms have a way of raising kids, but d= ads do too. Our way of showing love and laughter are not a mom's way. It wa= s never intended to be like a mom. What do I mean by "a dad's way?" Spending time with the kids. That can mean= letting them sit on either side of you while reading a story from the spor= ts page-out loud. Or laughing about the pile of laundry, and taking off for= a little fishing, knowing that it will be waiting for you when you get bac= k. I recall a walk we took when my daughter was about 4 years old. We went = up and down the alleys in town, looking at old cars and barking back at the= fenced-in dogs. We found a really glorious mud puddle and started tossing = rocks into it. You guessed it, pretty soon we were into it ourselves and co= vered with mud. Along came a mom. She was horrified. When I pointed out tha= t kids were "wash and wear," she got a blank look on her face. I don't thin= k it had occurred to her in quite that way. Dads are different, and kids lo= ve it. ENJOY MANHOOD, ENJOY FATHERHOOD Whatever you do, know that you're not alone. Know that being a proactive si= ngle dad is a blast. Be a man, be a father, get muddy and let the wash pile= up. Most of all, ignore the stereotypes that tell you what to be. Don't tr= y to be a mom. Don't see yourself as "nothing but a single father." That ou= tlook will take you nowhere-fast. Let me leave you with a couple more statistics. This one comes right off th= e pages of Newsweek, from an article entitled, "It's Not Like Mr. Mom." Des= cribing single dads, the authors say: "... and they're not the stereotypica= l wealthy widowers or fathers raising only boys or older kids. According to= a recent study, about two-thirds of single fathers are divorced, but 25 pe= rcent have never tied the marital knot; only 7.5 percent are widowers. 44 p= ercent of their children are daughters and one-third of the men care for pr= eschoolers." Keep your chin up and enjoy being a dad. Don't let anyone tell= you you're not the best. Patrick Batchelder is a writer and single-father advocate. He lives in Colo= rado with his son and daughter. More information and rsources at the Nation= al Center for Fathering All You Need is Love Why Husbands Should Read 'Daughters & their Dads' by Dr Bruce Robinson [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/376.jpg?a=3D= 1102208222151] Most husbands, and some wives, aren't aware of how much their marital relat= ionship is influenced by the relationship the wife had with her father. If = that relationship was strong and rich, this may not matter too much, but wh= en it has negative components it becomes important to understand them so th= at it doesn't interfere with the marriage. It has taken me a while to begin= to understand that in my own life. Men, have you ever sat there listening to your wife reacting to something a= nd thought 'I wonder why she is so sensitive to this?' I have often done th= at and been perplexed. Or have you wondered why despite being competent, sh= e lacks confidence or why despite being attractive she often feels unattrac= tive? I have done that too. Have you wondered why she is so sensitive to cr= iticism given in a certain way or why she reacts to particular issues? I ha= ve noticed that many men get surprised by their wife's strong reactions to = seemingly innocuous events. I do too. It is a caring and worthwhile thing t= o consider where those feelings might be coming from . . . Not all of a woman's surprising reactions will be able to be traced back to= her relationship with her father. But you will realise, when you read this= book, that it is a good place to start looking. I didn't really understand= how important that was in the first few years of our marriage (maybe the f= irst 20 years of our marriage!) but I think I am seeing it more clearly now= . . . By understanding what it is that a daughter needs from her father you= will be better placed to talk to your partner about her relationship with = her father. You might even go through this book with her, asking her to tal= k about each issue and her experience of that issue. And when you do that y= ou will have a much clearer understanding of her. You might become less con= fused. Because the way a daughter is fathered has a profound effect on her = subsequent relationships, particularly her marriage, husbands need to under= stand how their wife's relationship with her father is affecting her in adu= lt life. We have discussed already how disabling those effects can be to communicati= on, intimacy, confidence and sex in the relationship. If we do not understa= nd how our wife related to her father we risk getting confused and annoyed,= for example when she reacts to what appears to be an innocent comment. So husbands, try to understand so that you are not bewildered. When I talk = to other husbands they have had the same experience in the early years of m= arriage they hardly ever thought of how their wife's relationship with her = father might be impacting on their marriage. It was only after many years o= f marriage, lots of discussion, some arguments and sometime illness or the = death of the father-in-law that they became aware of the effect of her rela= tionship with her father, or lack of relationship, on their marriage. Given that most divorces happen in those early years it seems wise to think= about these things early. It wasn't for lack of input from my wife that I = failed in those early years. It was because I didn't really listen. I disco= unted a lot of what she said because I didn't have the insight and willingn= ess to really consider what she was saying. Others have noted a similar slo= wness to understand these issues. By understanding where a wife's reactions come from, husbands are in a posi= tion to deliberately not react the same way her father did, i.e. he can bre= ak the cycle. Also, understanding can change annoyance into empathy. We cou= ld help by filling in some of those empty emotional spaces with words and d= eeds where possible. So, for example, if she was forgotten on her birthday,= make a fuss of her every birthday; if she was never made to feel special, = think of all the things that make her special and tell her; if she was neve= r made to feel beautiful, tell her how beautiful she is, even if she doesn'= t seem to believe you at first; if she was not listened to start asking her= opinion on things and doing some 'harpoon' listening (see chapter 9). Special Feature Daughters [http://or= igin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/377.jpg?a=3D11022082221= 51] By John Mayer I know a girl She puts the color inside of my world but she's just like a maze Where all of the walls all continually changed And I've done all I can To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand Now I'm starting to see Maybe it's got nothing to do with me Fathers, be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers, be good to your daughters too Ooh, you see that skin? It's the same she's been standing in Since the day she saw him walking away Now she's left cleaning up the mess he made So fathers, be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers, be good to your daughters too Boys, you can break You find out how much they can take Boys will be strong And boys soldier on But boys would be gone without warmth from A woman's good, good heart On behalf of every man looking out for every girl You are the god and the weight of her world So fathers, be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do Girls become lovers who turn into mothers So mothers be good to your daughters, too So mothers be good to your daughters, too So mothers be good to your daughters, too. News & Info Fit Dads means Healthy Kids [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/159.j= pg?a=3D1102208222151] Adopting Parents got Stolen Kids ______________________ Dads4Kids Forum Parliament House, Canberra. 9.30 am to 5 pm - Thursday 4th September 2008 As a celebration of Father's Day the Fatherhood Foundation is not only invi= ting dads to come and talk to politicians but children too. You might think you can't take your children out of school but we believe t= hey will learn more in 24 hours with Dad travelling to Canberra and going t= o Parliament House than they would in two weeks of School. Your children can experience the adventure of a lifetime. Come with Dad to Parliament House See inside Parliament House Check out Question Time Meet and talk with parliamentarians Find out how decisions are made The Dads4Kids Forum will be child-friendly with some fun activities for dif= ferent age groups. Your children can put forward their ideas about how to m= ake Australia a better place for children to grow up. You and your children= can come. This will be a great way to celebrate Father's Day. If your children can't come, come anyway. To register your interest in attending the Dads4Kids Forum at Parliament Ho= use, Canberra, please email info@fatherhood.org.au ____________________ Dear Fatherhood Foundation That Fatherhood Adventures is brilliant. I am going to feature them on my = web site, as a free access link, under my "Wealth Success" section, with a = second link to your site. Will send you the link when done Regards Steve Blizard www.roxburghsecurities.com.au __________________________ Melbourne Get Together for Single Parents An evening for parents to come together Have a relaxing night off and meeting interesting new people. Saturday 20th September - Charsfield Hotel St Kilda Road Melbourne www.char= sfield.com RSVP & Payment 6th September ($35 two course meal plus dr= inks at bar prices or simply choose from the la carte menu) For more information or to register your interest please contact asap Mario= n Mays 0412 324 304 or email on marion.mays@three.com.au Dad's Prayer [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/378.jpg?a=3D1= 102208222151] Dear God It's wonderful that you created The female of the species. Such mystery, such exquisite charm, so much to discover and to unlearn. John Mayer was right when he sang: 'I know a girl She puts the colour inside of my world. She's just like a maze where all of the walls continually change.' Perhaps part of the maze is coming from the hurt cased by the male of the species. So, help me be good to my daughter And love the women in my life, properly and truly because they will love like I do and that's a scary thought. Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of h= arm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in f= athering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, pr= otective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and thei= r children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public F= und and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax ded= uctibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong DONATE ONLINE BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 542 UNANDERRA NSW 2526 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Regis= ter of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax = Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscri= bed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receiv= e future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below. Forward email [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/safe_unsubscribe_logo.gif] This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by info@fathersonline.org. Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe(tm) | Pri= vacy Policy. Email Marketing= by [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/cc-logo-color-sm.gif] Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia --_000_1102208222151110193834541512118100192002scheduler_ Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
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25th August 2008  &nbs= p;  Inspiring Fathers  Encour= aging Families Issue 314
Daughters and Their Dads
New release for Father's Day
Dear Brian,

Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email inform= ation service for fathers and families as we present Daughte= rs and Their Dads

=09
In This Issue
Frontline...Fathers Day Celebrations
Laughter.. Installing a Husband
Grandfathers...One Man Fan Club
Single Dads...It's a Small Club,right
All You Need is Love..Why Husbands should read this book
Special Feature...Daughters
News & Info..News Links for Parents
Dad's Prayer..The Female Creator
Next Week&nb= sp;
 Matt= hew Hayden, Cricket & Dads4Kids
 =09 =09
 
Join our Mailing List!
 
=09 =09 =09
Quick Links

Thought of the Week

3D"Dad_daughter_ball"It is never too late to work=20
on the
father-daughter
relationship<= /div>
 
Dr Bruce Robinson
<= /font>
<= b>Link of the Week


Dads & Daughte= rs in the movies

Frontline
   3D"Dads_Daughters"
Father's Day will be celebrated on Sunday 7th S= eptember 2008 in Australia.
       = ;           
T= o celebrate Father's Day Dr Bruce Robinson, author of best seller 'Fatherin= g from the Fast Lane' (first released in 2001), is releasing a new book, 'D= aughters and their Dads'.
 
Dr Robinson has been a great enc= ouragement to our work at the Fatherhood Foundation over the years. He is o= ne of the featured speakers in our Good to Great Fatherhood Mentoring cours= e.
 
You will find my glowing review of Dr Robinson's new bo= ok on the back cover. 'This book is brilliant. It is the best book I have e= ver read on daughters and their dads without a shadow of a doubt. It is a m= ust read book for every daughter and every dad'.
 
If you do= n't believe me then listen to what Geraldine Doogue says about 'Daughters a= nd their Dads': 'You'll love the stories from this book and they will keep = you reading, fathers and daughters alike'.
 
Dr Bruce Robins= on sums up his book so well:
 
There is something particular= in the relationship between daughters and their fathers that represents a = powerful bond, a powerful potential influence, for good or bad. Sometimes d= ads tell me that all kids need one thing - love. I used to think that too. = Just love them all and have good times with them and teach them stuff and e= verything would be OK. This is not so.
 
Dads need to be awa= re that there are several ways a daughter's future is peculiarly influenced= by the relationship with her father. It is incorrect to say that girls onl= y need the same inputs as boys - this is true to a point, but there are som= e things that are particularly important for girls. . .
 
.= . . when I found this out I first became really concerned about my own per= formance as a father. Once I realised that as Amy's father my role was impo= rtant and not optional, that I have a profound effect on her life for good = or bad, I asked myself how well I was doing. Was I behaving in a way that w= ill help her in her important relationships, not hinder them? And was I giv= ing her confidence in herself rather than eroding that confidence? I had, u= p until then, thought I had been doing a pretty good job as a dad. But then= I realised there were many things I just wasn't doing because I wasn't awa= re that my daughter needed anything different from what my sons needed.
 
The strategies listed in this book can strengthen the bond be= tween a father and his daughter and help equip a daughter for life. What th= at means in reality won't be the same for every child, because every child = is unique. And it won't be the same for every dad, because every dad is dif= ferent. Also, not all dads reading this will be living in the same house as= their children. Not every idea, tip and strategy will suit every reader so= just take and use those that you find helpful. This is not an instruction = manual but a collection of ideas that will suit different people at differe= nt times.
 
Knowing what to do as a father of sons is hard e= nough, but doing a good job of being a father to daughters is not intuitive= for men - we have never been girls. A book like this helps fill those gaps= in our knowledge before it is too late to realise we don't know what we ar= e doing. . .
. . .Given that few men can identify what it is that thei= r daughters need from them as distinct from their sons, we need to focus on= that issue. Dads lack basic knowledge about being a girl - they have never= been girls themselves and their father never taught them how to be a good = dad to a daughter. Often they have never read or heard anything on the subj= ect. Indeed there is not much written on the subject of fathers and daughte= rs, nor much spoken about in the media.
 
Another problem is= that of male discomfort with girly things - men often feel more comfortabl= e doing things with sons rather than with daughters. Certainly boys need a = father figure in their life but dads need to not let their desire to help t= heir sons keep them from engaging with their daughters.
 
Lovework
 
As John Mayer sings, 'Fathers be g= ood to your daughters, daughters will love like you do.'
It's very har= d to beat those words. The tough thing is putting them into practice.
=  
But you are a man aren't you? When the going gets tough, the to= ugh get going. What more can I say?
 
Yours for tough men wh= o love their daughters
Warwick Marsh
 
PS You can purch= ase Dr Bruce Robi= nson's book, 'Daughters and their Dads', or order it from your nearest = book store.
 
If you would like to join us at our exciting D= ads4Kids Forum which will be held at Parliament House on 4th September 2008= , please let me know ASAP.  Opportunities for an experience like this = don't come easily. Grab them while you can. More info in News & Info or con= tact Warwick at info@fatherhood.org.au   
  <= /font>
____________________________________________________________________
Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for = ;32 years. He is the grandfather of two children and father of five childre= n, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 27 years to 15 years.&n= bsp; Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who lik= es to think he can still laugh at himself.
Laughter
=
 
INSTALLING A HUSBAND 3D"Computer
 
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from B= oyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall syst= em performance -- particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, wh= ich operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0

In addition, Husband= 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Pers= onal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0,= The Ashes 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer r= uns, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Na= gging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do= ?

Signed, Desperate

.................................= .......................................

Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Hu= sband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: 'htt= p: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't for= get to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed,= Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 a= nd Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application c= an cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Be= er 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Sn= oring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law= 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control = of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall= the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will cra= sh Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but = it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You = might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance= .

We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good L= uck, Tech Support
Grandfathers
My One Man Fan Club<= br />
24 May 2008        &nb= sp;            =             &nb= sp;            =             &nb= sp;            =             &nb= sp;             = ;         
By Eddie Cros= s MP Zimbabwe 3D"Kids
 

I have been in public life long enough to know that = nobody is as fickle as the public. One day you might be a hero, the next an= outcast, I have been both - often! It helps to have a fan club and I have = mine. He is four years old and has my daughter as his mother.=20
 

Of course he is not old enough to really make a valu= e judgment but that is just part of the magic. When I was campaigning for m= y seat in the March election, the party printed a poster with my face on it= and this was plastered all over the place. Somehow Keith got hold of a cop= y and when he went to a function with my daughter, he proudly marched about= among all the adults, showing off his poster to anyone who would listen to= him. This is my Grandpa he said.
At home he insisted on having the p= oster stuck to the wall above his bed where it remains today. We have a gre= at relationship and I must say, without any bias, he is just the most intel= ligent and handsome young man that I know.
My son has four girls and = my relationship with them is a bit different - I have competition in the fo= rm of my son who is a rather special person. There is no doubt in the girls= ' mind whom they support, I am still Granddad Cross, but he is Dad. His eld= est is almost a teenager, most people dread that age - I have always though= t of it as a time of mutual discovery and change. She is going to be a stun= ning young lady, tall and slim with long auburn hair and big eyes that will= one day slay the boys left and right.=20
 

Girls have their first love affair with their dads, = or that is how it should be. In this case I have no doubt that each of the = four will go through such a phase. During this they can hug him and he can = hold them close without threat of any ulterior motive - just to be close. H= e is about the only man they can trust like that until they themselves fall= in love and get into a relationship outside the family. It is a crucial ti= me for both the young lady and her dad.
He, because when this special= short term relationship takes place, probably over 40, a bit jaded, knows = he is not going to be the next President, and this special time builds his = confidence as a person and gives life a special meaning. For her it's a tim= e of discovery - what makes a man tick? Her own life is changing as she goe= s through puberty and soon she will be through that time and suddenly disco= vering boys.=20
 

What is vital for both in such special relationships= is time. The man must find time at the peak of his career to spend time wi= th his girls - individually. A good friend of mine who is a doctor in Botsw= ana took his daughter to London when she turned 12, just the two of them. T= hey went to shows and functions and she had his undivided attention, she wi= ll never forget that time and neither will he.
Many men miss this exp= erience and in doing so they miss something of the real nature of life itse= lf. Girls and boys who grow up without a loving relationship with their par= ents miss out on something that is very special. I believe in the extended = family - in my own case both of our parents died at home in their retiremen= t. My father lived with us for 17 years before he died. We were glad to giv= e them security and companionship as they grew older and our children benef= ited from their presence and experience. . .=20
 

. . . I want to see men picking up their children fr= om school and attending school board meetings. I want every man to know how= special it is to have a little 4-year-old call you grandpa and want you to= tuck him into bed at night. I want every girl to look back on her youth an= d realize how important her father was to her. Is there anything else in th= e world so important? Let me tell you its worth giving your life for - any = day.
Source and full article.
Single Dads
 
Single Dads-It's a small club, right?<= /strong> 
by Paul Batchelder
 3D"Dads_Kids_Swimming"
You're not alone. Not by a= long shot, guys. Did you know that since 1980 the number of single dads in= the US has doubled to nearly 1.6 million? That's a lot of us. I'd bet the = census count missed a few too. Single dads are growing 6 percent a year-tha= t's double the rate for single moms. That means almost 15 percent of us men= are running a dad-only household.=20
 
DOWN AT THE MOUTH? THINK AGAIN
It's so easy to fall into the "Poor me, I'm just a single dad" attitud= e. For one thing, everything around us promotes the stereotype. Stop and th= ink. What words and phrases come to mind when you think of yourself as a si= ngle dad? "Mr. Mom." "Absentee Father." Or maybe "Deadbeat Dad." You never = saw yourself this way before you were a single dad, right? So what makes yo= u any less valuable as a father now? Nothing does. If anything, you're more= valuable now-more of a stabilizing factor, more of a necessary dad than yo= u ever were.
I remember my first days as a single dad. I don't enjoy = remembering. My kids were only 1 and 3 at the time. I was into bottles, dia= pers, day care and Winnie the Pooh. It was a time of holding them, nurturin= g them, wiping tears away. And watching them go. That Christmas may have be= en the hardest. When it was Mom's week, starting the afternoon of the 25th,= I watched them drive off and felt the punch to my stomach. You know what p= unch I mean. It feels like the first one you got back in third grade.
 

THE CHOICE IS YOURS; MAKE IT A GOOD ONE
Right then and there I decided I could spend the rest of my life= feeling down and out or I could do what was best for me and the kids. I gu= ess you could say I took the road less traveled in this case and became a p= roactive single dad. My time with the kids became the most valuable asset I= had. I needed to provide for them, but my career and its satisfaction didn= 't come close to what we did together. And boy, did we do things together. = These were times that only a dad could invent. Still, there's a strong mess= age that parenting is really all about mothering.=20
 

CAN A DAD REALLY BE A MOM?
So= mehow, single dads are supposed to raise kids like moms do. But what happen= s? We fail miserably. Or we walk away. That makes the kids very miserable. = As a single father, raising children should feel natural. Simply remember t= o raise them as a man would. Sure, moms have a way of raising kids, but dad= s do too. Our way of showing love and laughter are not a mom's way. It was = never intended to be like a mom.
What do I mean by "a dad's way?" Spe= nding time with the kids. That can mean letting them sit on either side of = you while reading a story from the sports page-out loud. Or laughing about = the pile of laundry, and taking off for a little fishing, knowing that it w= ill be waiting for you when you get back. I recall a walk we took when my d= aughter was about 4 years old. We went up and down the alleys in town, look= ing at old cars and barking back at the fenced-in dogs. We found a really g= lorious mud puddle and started tossing rocks into it. You guessed it, prett= y soon we were into it ourselves and covered with mud. Along came a mom. Sh= e was horrified. When I pointed out that kids were "wash and wear," she got= a blank look on her face. I don't think it had occurred to her in quite th= at way. Dads are different, and kids love it.=20
 

ENJOY MANHOOD, ENJOY FATHERHOOD Whatever you do, know that you're not alone. Know that being a proactive= single dad is a blast. Be a man, be a father, get muddy and let the wash p= ile up. Most of all, ignore the stereotypes that tell you what to be. Don't= try to be a mom. Don't see yourself as "nothing but a single father." That= outlook will take you nowhere-fast.
Let me leave you with a couple m= ore statistics. This one comes right off the pages of Newsweek, from an art= icle entitled, "It's Not Like Mr. Mom." Describing single dads, the authors= say: "... and they're not the stereotypical wealthy widowers or fathers ra= ising only boys or older kids. According to a recent study, about two-third= s of single fathers are divorced, but 25 percent have never tied the marita= l knot; only 7.5 percent are widowers. 44 percent of their children are dau= ghters and one-third of the men care for preschoolers." Keep your chin up a= nd enjoy being a dad. Don't let anyone tell you you're not the best.
=  
Patrick Batchelder is a writer and single-father advocate. He l= ives in Colorado with his son and daughter. More information and rsources a= t the Nati= onal Center for Fathering
=
All You Nee= d is Love
Why Husbands Should= Read
'Daughters & their Dads'= by Dr Bruce Robinson
 = 3D"Woman
Most husbands, and some wives, aren't aware of how much th= eir marital relationship is influenced by the relationship the wife had wit= h her father. If that relationship was strong and rich, this may not matter= too much, but when it has negative components it becomes important to unde= rstand them so that it doesn't interfere with the marriage. It has taken me= a while to begin to understand that in my own life.
 
Men, = have you ever sat there listening to your wife reacting to something and th= ought 'I wonder why she is so sensitive to this?' I have often done that an= d been perplexed. Or have you wondered why despite being competent, she lac= ks confidence or why despite being attractive she often feels unattractive?= I have done that too. Have you wondered why she is so sensitive to critici= sm given in a certain way or why she reacts to particular issues? I have no= ticed that many men get surprised by their wife's strong reactions to seemi= ngly innocuous events. I do too. It is a caring and worthwhile thing to con= sider where those feelings might be coming from . . .
 
Not= all of a woman's surprising reactions will be able to be traced back to he= r relationship with her father. But you will realise, when you read this bo= ok, that it is a good place to start looking. I didn't really understand ho= w important that was in the first few years of our marriage (maybe the firs= t 20 years of our marriage!) but I think I am seeing it more clearly now. .= . By understanding what it is that a daughter needs from her father you wi= ll be better placed to talk to your partner about her relationship with her= father. You might even go through this book with her, asking her to talk a= bout each issue and her experience of that issue. And when you do that you = will have a much clearer understanding of her. You might become less confus= ed. Because the way a daughter is fathered has a profound effect on her sub= sequent relationships, particularly her marriage, husbands need to understa= nd how their wife's relationship with her father is affecting her in adult = life.
 
We have discussed already how disabling those effect= s can be to communication, intimacy, confidence and sex in the relationship= . If we do not understand how our wife related to her father we risk gettin= g confused and annoyed, for example when she reacts to what appears to be a= n innocent comment.
 
So husbands, try to understand so that= you are not bewildered. When I talk to other husbands they have had the sa= me experience in the early years of marriage they hardly ever thought of ho= w their wife's relationship with her father might be impacting on their mar= riage. It was only after many years of marriage, lots of discussion, some a= rguments and sometime illness or the death of the father-in-law that they b= ecame aware of the effect of her relationship with her father, or lack of r= elationship, on their marriage.
 
Given that most divorces h= appen in those early years it seems wise to think about these things early.= It wasn't for lack of input from my wife that I failed in those early year= s. It was because I didn't really listen. I discounted a lot of what she sa= id because I didn't have the insight and willingness to really consider wha= t she was saying. Others have noted a similar slowness to understand these = issues.
 
By understanding where a wife's reactions come fro= m, husbands are in a position to deliberately not react the same way her fa= ther did, i.e. he can break the cycle. Also, understanding can change annoy= ance into empathy. We could help by filling in some of those empty emotiona= l spaces with words and deeds where possible. So, for example, if she was f= orgotten on her birthday, make a fuss of her every birthday; if she was nev= er made to feel special, think of all the things that make her special and = tell her; if she was never made to feel beautiful, tell her how beautiful s= he is, even if she doesn't seem to believe you at first; if she was not lis= tened to start asking her opinion on things and doing some 'harpoon' listen= ing (see chapter 9).
  
 
=09

Special Feature

<= /font>
 =20
Daughters 3D"Dad_Daughters_ba=
By John Mayer
 
I know a girlShe puts the color inside of my world
but she's just like a mazeWhere all of the walls all continually changed

And I've done= all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand
Now I'm= starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathe= rs, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Gir= ls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your dau= ghters too

Ooh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been= standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's lef= t
cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to you= r daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers w= ho turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You find out how much they can take
Boys = will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without= warmth from
A woman's good, good heart

On behalf of every= man
looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of= her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters = will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
S= o mothers be good to your daughters, too
So mothers be good to your da= ughters, too
So mothers be good to your daughters, too.
Ne= ws & Info
=
 
 
Fit = Dads means Healthy Kids 3D"Man
 

______________________

Dads4= Kids Forum
Parliament House, Canberra.
9.30 am to 5 pm - Thursday= 4th September 2008 

As a celebration of Fa= ther's Day the Fatherhood Foundation is not only inviting dads to come and = talk to politicians but children too.
 
You might think you = can't take your children out of school but we believe they will learn more = in 24 hours with Dad travelling to Canberra and going to Parliament House t= han they would in two weeks of School.
 
Your children can experience the adventure of a lifetime.
Come with Dad to Parliament House
See inside Parliament House
Ch= eck out Question Time
Meet and talk with parliamentarians
Find ou= t how decisions are made
 
The Dads4Kids For= um will be child-friendly with some fun activities for different age groups= . Your children can put forward their ideas about how to make Australia a b= etter place for children to grow up. You and your children can come. This w= ill be a great way to celebrate Father's Day.
 
If your chil= dren can't come, come anyway.
 
To register your interest in= attending the Dads4Kids Forum at Parliament House, Canber= ra, please email info@fatherhood.org.au  
____________________ 
&n= bsp;
Dear Fatherhood Foundation
 
That Fatherhood Adven= tures is brilliant.  I am going to feature them on my web site, as a f= ree access link, under my "Wealth Success" section, with a second link to y= our site.
 
Will send you the link when done
 
Regards
 
Steve Blizard
www.roxburghsecurities.com.au
 
______________= ____________

Melbourne Get Together for Si= ngle Parents
An evening for parents to come toge= ther
Have a relaxing night off and meeting interesting new p= eople.

Saturday 20th September - Charsfield Hotel St Kilda Road Melbour= ne www.charsfield.com   RSV= P & Payment 6th September ($35 two course meal plus drinks at bar prices or= simply choose from the la carte menu)

For more information or to register your interest please contact= asap Marion Mays 0412 324 304 or email on marion.mays@three.com.au 

Dad's Prayer

           &nbs= p;       
3D"Daughters_Group" 
 Dear God
 
It'= s wonderful that you created
The female of the species.
Such myst= ery, such exquisite charm,
so much to discover and to unlearn.
Jo= hn Mayer was right when he sang:
'I know a girl
She puts the= colour inside of my world.
She's just like a maze
where all of t= he walls continually change.'
Perhaps part of the maze is coming from =
the hurt cased by the male of the species.
So, help me be good t= o my daughter
And love the women in my life,
properly and trulybecause they will love like I do
and that's a scary thought.
=09
=09
Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Pre= vention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been pro= ven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children b= y promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word an= d deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well= -being of their children and their children's mother.

 

If you would like to give financially t= o the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

 

Fatherhood Found= ation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be = emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)

 


Westpac Branch Wollon= gong            = ;         DONATE ONLINE


BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558
 

Or mail cheque and address details to:<= br />PO Box 542
UNANDERRA  NSW&nbs= p; 2526
AUSTRALIA

 

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund&n= bsp; is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities u= nder Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.=

 

You have received the fatherson= line.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been = subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive future emails, = please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below.

=09
=09
=09
3D"Safe
This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by in= fo@fathersonline.org.
Fatherhood Foundati= on | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia
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