Received: from evaki.its.uow.edu.au (130.130.68.32) by staffmail.uow.edu.au (10.5.102.13) with Microsoft SMTP Server id 8.1.291.1; Sun, 19 Oct 2008 11:58:53 +1100 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by evaki.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1KrMdB-0007gO-2E for blane@uow.edu.au; Sun, 19 Oct 2008 11:58:53 +1100 Received: from c3.confirmedcc.com (c3.confirmedcc.com [64.95.77.164]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.10.2-GA) with ESMTP id PBL92724; Sun, 19 Oct 2008 10:58:48 +1000 (EST) Received: from p2-ws508.ad.prodcc.net (unknown [10.252.0.101]) by c3.confirmedcc.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 51F7D34E858A for ; Sat, 18 Oct 2008 20:40:38 -0400 (EDT) From: Fatherhood Foundation To: Brian Lane Date: Sun, 19 Oct 2008 11:41:07 +1100 Subject: The Three Laws of Fathering Thread-Topic: The Three Laws of Fathering Thread-Index: AckxhdsZiCMr4WpBQLK1wwSqTlwYTg== Message-ID: <1102278631824.1101938345415.1211.8.96204002@scheduler> List-Unsubscribe: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?p=un&v=001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-3d90mBLDU8ykQOns2-5Gv6ZCH8fQzxgVWQ== Reply-To: "info@fathersonline.org" Accept-Language: en-AU, en-US Content-Language: en-US X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthAs: Anonymous X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthSource: excasht01.ad.uow.edu.au X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: x-junkmail-status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au x-junkmail-sd-raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A090206.48FA864C.0081:SCFMA772204,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=64.95.77.164, so=2008-08-01 02:07:42, dmn=5.7.1/2008-09-02, mode=single engine x-junkmail-iwf: false x-return-path-hint: ESC1102278631824_1101938345415_1211@in.confirmedcc.com x-roving-id: 1101938345415.1211 x-lumos-senderid: 1101938345415 x-roving-campaignid: 1102278631824 x-roving-streamid: 0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="_000_110227863182411019383454151211896204002scheduler_" MIME-Version: 1.0 --_000_110227863182411019383454151211896204002scheduler_ Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/11.jpg?a=3D11= 02278631824] 20th October 2008 Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families Issue 322 [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/1101093164665/people3_header= 1.jpg] The Three Laws of Fathering Dear Brian, Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information servi= ce for fathers and families as we present The Three Laws of Fathering In This Issue Frontline...Location,Location,Location Laughter.. Hairy Cut Grandfathers...Wisdom Single Dads...Communicating with the Ex All You Need is Love..Marriage Myths Special Feature...Rebuilding Fathers News & Info..News Liks Dads4Kids Dad's Prayer..The Important Things Next Week The Three Laws of Fathering Join our Mailing List! [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/ftf_btn_1.gif] Quick Links Fatherhood Foundation Lone Fathers Fatherhood Project Fatherhood Institute UK Marriage Education 100 Good Men Salt Shakers Civitas UK Bruce Robinson CSA Adverts Thought of the Week [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/156.jpg?a= =3D1102278631824] The three laws of fathering are: Location Location Location. Roland C Warren National Fatherhood Initiative Link of the Week Funny Dad Frontline [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/167.jpg?a= =3D1102278631824] Roland Warren, CEO of the National Fatherhood Initiative, says that th= e three laws of fathering are: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. This is of cou= rse a take-off of the famous three laws of real estate. I find it hard to disagree with Roland. You could insert several words that= engender the same result and all have the same ring of truth about them, f= or example: Proximity Presence Position Attendance Nearness Closeness Immediacy Company Closeness One of the other phrases that came up in my synonym search was Being there. Another translation of Roland Warren's quote could be: The three laws of fathering are: BEING THERE, BEING THERE, BEING THERE! "OK Warwick, I know its true, but I have to go to work," you say. Yes, I kn= ow that, but you can choose your work hours and your lifestyle to suit your= fathering, rather than the other way around. While I was in Kalgoorlie recently I was having discussions with Graham Tho= mson, founder of the Family Institute. We were talking about the pressure p= ut on families by the fly-in, fly-out lifestyle in the goldfield companies = of that region. Graham told me that studies have been done on this effect a= nd that most often men in these companies work 2-3 weeks of 12 hour shifts = straight, followed by one week off. In more than 75% of cases the same men = suffer relationship breakdowns, resulting in divorce and loss of contact wi= th children. I know of other friends in the music industry, which requires = long periods away from home on tour, who have ultimately lost contact with = their children. Life is a decision. Hundreds of small decisions lead to many big decisions.= We have to make the right decisions regarding the three laws of fathering,= or risk losing our children in the process. Years ago I made a decision to actively play music with my young family. I = had toured overseas and throughout Australia with some very good musicians,= but I made a decision to forgo some level of commercial success by playing= with my own children, who at times were musically pretty average (especial= ly in the first few years). The beauty of this decision was that I got to h= ang out with my wife and children while on tour for extended periods both i= n Australia and overseas. I can honestly say that it was one of the best de= cisions that I have ever made. I may have sold more albums and probably earned more money by touring and r= ecording with session level musos, but several of my friends in the music i= ndustry have lost their marriages and their ability to be effective fathers= in the chase for that elusive thing called 'success'. As Einstein said, "T= ry not to become a man of success but a man of value". Please think back to the fact that it was 'intimate proximity' that produce= d your children, and it will be continuing 'intimate proximity' with the sa= me woman that will ensure that you are a father who truly values the greate= st success a man can experience - the success of being a good father. Lovework So I continue with my love secrets - Location, location, location. Always easier said than done, but always great power in the doing. Always remember: Doing follows decisions. Life is a decision. Just go and make some. Yours for more proximity Warwick Marsh PS. If you have some good ideas about becoming a great dad, please share th= em with us and we will endeavour to share them with others. If you have some good ideas on how to raise money and promote fatherhood an= d healthy family living please let us know, we might invite you to a Father= hood Foundation pizza-fundraising-ideas night on 28th October 2008. If you have some ideas to help the children of Australia go to www.dads4kid= s.org.au/CompEntry Please feel fee to contact me with your ideas: info@fatherhood.org.au ____________________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfath= er of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ran= ging in age from 27 years to 15 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, = producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himsel= f. Laughter [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/453.gif?a=3D= 1102278631824] A man and a little boy entered a barber shop together. After= the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, e= tc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be ba= ck in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the= barber said, "Looks like your Daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the ha= nd and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'" Grandfathers [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/458.jpg?a=3D1= 102278631824] When I was a boy of fourteen my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. Mark Twain Single Dads Communicating with Your Ex [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101= 938345415/img/457.jpg?a=3D1102278631824] by Ken Canfield When children are involved, a divorce isn't an ending. It's just the beginn= ing of a long, challenging cooperative effort to do what's best for the kid= s in a tough situation. I hear from divorced moms and dads who are frustrated and angry. They have = a whole list of complaints against each other which leads to a total lack o= f communication and no healthy give-and-take. And the kids suffer. Too often, the ex-spouses are incapable of simple, honest communication, wh= ere one person comes to the other and says, "This is what I need from you."= There's no listening to the other point of view or any effort to negotiate= a workable agreement. At best, they let their lawyers do the their talking= . If that describes you and your ex, it's time to find a better way. Often, a= non-custodial father's relationship with his children depends heavily on t= he kids' mother, so it's important to be civil. With a few adjustments you = can learn to communicate with each other. A good start might sound like this: "I know there's a lot of pain and bitte= rness between us, but can't we just put that aside? Let's not make our kids= suffer any more for our mistakes." Here are some other examples: "I'm trying to be reliable and on time, but I= 'd be a lot more motivated if I knew you weren't saying bad things about me= in front of the kids." "If I knew I could really trust you, it would be a lot easier to let you se= e the kids more." "I really do want to help out financially, but it's hard to make sacrifices= when I see you taking expensive vacations." And remember, how you say something can be even more important than what yo= u're saying. It won't be easy, but strive to avoid making accusations and g= etting upset. If it helps, view your ex as a business client. You need his = or her help if you're going to accomplish your goal-doing what's best for y= our children. So be respectful as you attempt to close the deal. Communication is the lifeblood of every successful parenting team. So pleas= e, dad, for the sake of your children, just be honest, swallow your pride, = and talk to each other. Ken Canfield is a feature writer and prvious CEO of the National Center of = Fathering All You Need is Love [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/456.jpg?a=3D= 1102278631824] The Top Ten Myths of Marriage By David Popenoe 1. Marriage benefits men much more than women. Contrary to earlier and widely published reports, recent research find men = and women to benefit almost equally from marriage, although in different wa= ys. Both men and women live longer, happier, healthier and wealthier lives = when they are married. husbands typically gain greater health benefits whil= e wives gain greater financial advantages. 2. Having children typically brings a married couple closer together and in= creases marital happiness. Many studies have shown that the arrival of the first baby commonly has the= effect of pushing the mother and father apart, and bringing stress to the = marriage. However, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divo= rce than childless couples. 3. The keys to long-term marital success are good luck and romantic love. Rather than luck and love, the most common reasons couples give for their l= ong-term marital success are commitment and companionship. They define thei= r marriage as a creation that has taken hard work, dedication and commitmen= t (to each other and to the institution of marriage.) The happiest couples = are friends who share compatible interests and values. 4. The more educated a woman becomes, the lower are her chances of getting = married. A recent study based on marriage rates in the mid-1990s concluded that toda= y's women college graduates are more likely to marry than their non-college= peers, despite their older age at first marriage. This is a change from th= e past, when women with more education were less likely to marry. 5. Couples who live together before marriage, and are thus able to test how= well suited they are for each other, have more satisfying and longer lasti= ng marriages than couples who do not. Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have l= ess satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually bre= aking up. One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of com= mitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. But in additi= on, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy m= arriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, sug= gest "there may be less motivation for cohabiting, partners to develop thei= r conflict resolution and support skills." (One important exception: cohabi= ting couples who are already planning to marry each other in the near futur= e have just as good a chance at staying together as couples who don't live = together before marriage. 6. People can't be expected to stay in a marriage for a lifetime as they di= d in the past because we live so much longer today Unless our comparison goes back a hundred years, there is no basis for this= belief. The enormous increase in longevity is due mainly to a steep reduct= ion in infant mortality. And while adults today can expect to live a little= longer than their grandparents, they also marry at a later age. The life s= pan of a typical divorce free marriage, therefore, has not changed much in = the past 50 years. Also, many couples call it quits long before they get to= a significant anniversary - half of all divorces take place by the seventh= year of a marriage. 7. Marrying puts a woman at greater risk of domestic violence than if she r= emains single. Contrary to the proposition that for men "a marriage license is a hitting l= icence," a large body of research shows that being unmarried and especially= living with a man outside of marriage, is associated with a considerably h= igher risk of domestic violence for women. One reason for this finding is t= hat married women may significantly underreport domestic violence. Further,= women are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce a man who is vio= lent. Yet it is probably also the case that married men are less likely to = commit domestic violence because they are more invested in their wives' wel= l being, and more integrated into the extended family and community. These = social forces seem to help check men's violent behavior. 8. Married people have less satisfying sex lives, and less sex, than single= people. According to a large scale national study, married people have both more an= d better sex than do their unmarried counterparts. Not only do they have se= x more often but they enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally. 9. Cohabitation is just marriage, but without "the piece of paper". Cohabitation typically does not bring the benefits - in physical health, we= alth and emotional well being - that marriage does. In terms of these benef= its cohabitants in the United States more closely resemble singles than mar= ried couples. This is due, in part, to the fact that cohabitants tend not t= o be as committed as married couples, and they are more orientated toward t= heir own personal autonomy and less to the well being of their partner. 10. Because of the high divorce rate, which weeds out the unhappy marriages= , people who stay in married have happier marriages than people did in the = past when everyone stuck it out, no matter how bad the marriage. According to what people have reported in several large surveys, the genera= l level of happiness has declined slightly. Some studies have found in rece= nt marriages, compared to those of twenty or thirty years ago, significantl= y more work related stress, more marital conflict and less marital interact= ion. Special Feature Rebuilding Fathers[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415= /img/454.jpg?a=3D1102278631824] By Roland C. Warren One of my favorite television shows growing up was "The Six Million Dollar = Man." It was about secret agent Steve Austin (played by Lee Majors) who had been severely injur= ed in a plane crash and then "rebuilt" for special missions with the Office= of Scientific Intelligence of the CIA. The operation to give him bionic, a= nd thus more powerful, body parts cost $6 million. The show's opening popularized the phrase, "We can rebuild him - we have th= e technology." Indeed, the government agency that rebuilt him vowed to make= him "better than he was before - better, stronger, faster." Having this on= e man be better, stronger and faster was worth at least $6 million to the g= overnment. In the wake of Father's Day, I was reminded of the show's premise when I co= nsidered the state of our nation's fathers and fatherhood in general. Like = Steve Austin, the institution of fatherhood, in too many communities, needs= to be rebuilt. Indeed, fatherhood is at a crossroads. On one hand, today's involved father= s are more engaged in the day-to-day care of their children than at any tim= e in recent memory. On the other hand, far too many fathers are disconnecte= d from their children - more than 25 million children, one out of every thr= ee, live absent their biological fathers. These children are at least two t= o three times more likely to be poor; to use drugs; to experience education= al, health, emotional and behavioral problems; to be victims of child abuse= ; and to engage in criminal behavior than peers who live with both of their= parents. With Steve Austin, the question was, "How much will it cost to rebuild him?= " With our nation's fathers, the question is, "How much will it cost not to= rebuild them?" Until now, we could only guess. But the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI= ) has sought to put a real dollar value on how much father absence is costi= ng our nation. The answer is $100 billion annually. Talk about inflation. NFI's new report, "The One Hundred Billion Dollar Man: The Annual Public Co= sts of Father Absence," written by the late Steven Nock of the University o= f Virginia and Christopher Einolf of DePaul University, measured the propor= tion of 2006 federal expenditures on child-support enforcement and 13 means= -tested benefits programs that serve father-absent homes. The $99.8 billion result is nearly 4 percent of the federal budget. Medicai= d, Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), and the Earned Income Ta= x Credit (EITC) accounted for more than half of the $99.8 billion in expend= itures, at $53 billion. Given the enormousness of these numbers, if only a fraction of our nation's= absent fathers returned to their families and lifted them out of eligibili= ty for the benefits programs, there would be huge savings for taxpayers. Fo= r example, the federal government spent nearly $35 billion on food stamps i= n 2006. Imagine if a third of these father-absent homes were no longer in n= eed of federal assistance? The presence of these fathers would pay for almo= st the entire Food Stamp Program. Assuredly, the value of fathers is measured in more than dollars and cents = - they play a unique and irreplaceable role in their children's emotional, = physical, psychological and educational development. With their invaluable = emotional contribution to their kids and their $100 billion monetary value = to taxpayers, it is clear that the time to act is now. Borrowing the theme from "The Six Million Dollar Man," we can rebuild the A= merican father. We have the "technology." Since the mid-1990s, NFI and othe= r organizations have fought to renew the institution of fatherhood in Ameri= ca by launching public education campaigns, providing social services organ= izations with fatherhood supports, producing curriculums and other skill-bu= ilding materials for dads, and many other tactics. In the last five years, more organizations in the government, health care, = business, corrections, faith, community, educational and military sectors h= ave added fatherhood programming to their services to families. In 2006, the federal government passed the first dedicated funding stream, = $50 million, to support fatherhood work nationally. More needs to be done, however. Dedicating $50 million, $100 million, or ev= en $500 million per year to a problem that costs $100 billion per year cert= ainly is not excessive. The government and private sector should view expen= ditures on fatherhood renewal as very well-placed investments. As much as I loved "The Six Million Dollar Man," if saving that one man was= worth $6 million, how much is saving 25 million children worth? Making our= nation's fathers more involved, more responsible and more committed than b= efore would be priceless to our nation's most valuable asset - our children= . Roland C. Warren is the married father of two sons and president of the Nat= ional Fatherhood Initiative (www.fatherhood.org). His "Pop's Culture" colum= n appears on the first Sunday of the month. He can be reached at rwarren@fa= therhood.org . News & Info Parents Link [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img= /159.jpg?a=3D1102278631824] Sexual Behaviour Rife in Primary Schools DADS4KIDS COMPETITION Fatherhood Foundation is asking Australians to help Dads4Kids with their id= eas on how to solve the problems that Australian children face. Dads4Kids i= s an initiative of the Fatherhood Foundation which is a harm prevention cha= rity. Find out more information or enter the Dads4Kids Competition. View Community Service Announcements at: http://www.dads4kids.org.au/Media ___________________________________________________________________ Dads & Kids @ Play Each month we invite dads and their Kids to join us for some fun and games = just for them. Next event is 21st October 2008 @ Flinders Child & Family Ce= ntre, Adam Murray Way, Flinders (Shellharbour) Puppet Show and guest speaker - Michael Jazbec Time 5pm - 7pm Phone Jenny on 4297 6138 or SMS to 0410082638 __________________________________________________________________ Dads4Kids Comments from the Dads4Kids website are coming in, as are entries for the D= ads4Kids Competition. Below are just a few of the comments we have received= . __________________ I understand what you are trying to achieve with this organization, but I w= anted to let you know that there are kids who are being quite hurt by your = campaign. My daughter who is 7 saw the add on TV and turned to me with tear= s in her eyes and said "but some dads don't want to play with their kids do= they?" This stems from my ex-husbands' lack of contact with my kids, I hav= e never denied contact, only encouraged it. When he does have them occasion= ally they get dumped at their grandparents, or other relatives while dad "w= orks" (usually Friday and Saturday nights, he is 30 years old, is it necess= ary to go clubbing every weekend?). Birthdays are forgotten and phone calls= are monthly if that. It is always myself who has to comfort the children a= nd basically lie on behalf of my ex to protect their feelings. Anyway, I ju= st felt that although some dads are treated unfairly, some dads break their= kids hearts every day, and don't deserve the title of 'dad'. Poor Dads?...= No, poor KIDS. Sara ____________________ Never heard of your organization before , but am a big fan of Matthew Hayde= n and noticed his ad for your organization. Would have been nice to see Mat= t and the kids wearing helmets on their scooters. Just another way of keepi= ng kids safe. Keep up the good work. Cheers Peter ______________________ We have this site and want I want to know is, why do we always have to have= a celebrity for Father of the Year. Let's face it, they are away most of t= he time doing their own thing, not at home with the kids just like everyday= dad is, so why do they get the glory? Eh? Come on all you Aussies and star= t lobbying the Governments for an ordinary dad to get the rewards. Anon _______________________ I believe that our Koori children should be recognised more, there should b= e more schools, better government protection for them from the horrible peo= ple out there that abuse and take advantage of them, They should have more = opportunities to be educated, and we can only start in that area when we st= art to educate their parents and I believe that it is up to this generation= of young people to come forth and help make our young Koori children learn= that there is a life out there for them as well , that they are not the fo= rgotten generations that they are a human and need to be loved and cared fo= r just like every other human. Judi _______________________ The best thing I have learnt was from a documentary about rogue elephants. = The story goes like this, there were 10 young elephants that had destroyed = villages and had even killed people. They didn't know what to do until they= noticed that the rogue elephants were young male orphan's. The park had ki= lled the older elephants because of over crowding .It wasn't long before th= ey added some older male elephant's from a neighbouring park. It was an ins= tant success, the presence of the older elephant's had an effect that they = couldn't believe the attack on the villages stopped. It show's me that the = presence of a male role model is needed in every home .If it comes from a f= ather thats great but it can also come from a uncle or a close family frien= d. let's learn from the elephants. Joel _______________________ We need to work together in one accord to succeed. We should never give up = as it is the single biggest responsibility we have as fathers to protect an= d bring up our kids in a positive way. Pete Dad's Prayer [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/455.jp= g?a=3D1102278631824] Dear God In your presence is fullness of joy. I pray that can be said about me as a father. I pray that I am not an old grouch. I pray that I am not a kill-joy. I pray that I am not self-obsessed. I pray that I have enough presence of mind to be a man of value to my children and not just another successful man chasing the dollar and forgetting the important things. Lord, help me remember the important things. Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of h= arm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in f= athering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, pr= otective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and thei= r children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public F= und and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax ded= uctibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong DONATE ONLINE BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 542 UNANDERRA NSW 2526 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Regis= ter of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax = Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscri= bed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receiv= e future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below. Forward email [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/safe_unsubscribe_logo.gif] This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by info@fathersonline.org. Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe(tm) | Pri= vacy Policy. Email Marketing= by [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/cc-logo-color-sm.gif] Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia --_000_110227863182411019383454151211896204002scheduler_ Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
=09
3D"FF
=09
=09 =09 =09
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20th October 2008  &nb= sp;    Inspiring Fathers Enco= uraging Families Issue 322
The Three Laws of Fathering 
=
Dear Brian,

Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email inform= ation service for fathers and families as we present The Three La= ws of Fathering

=09
In This Issue
Frontline...Location,Location,Location
Laughter.. Hairy Cut
Grandfathers...Wisdom
Single Dads...Communicating with the Ex
All You Need is Love..Marriage Myths
Special Feature...Rebuilding Fathers
News & Info..News Liks
Dads4Kids
Dad's Prayer..The Important Things
Next Week&nb= sp;
 The = Three Laws of Fathering
 =09 =09
 
Join our Mailing List!
 
=09
Quick Links
 Thought of the Week
  3D"Dad
The three laws of fathering are:
Location
L= ocation
Location.
 
Roland C WarrenNational Fatherhood Initiative
Link of the Week

 Funny Dad
Frontline
  3D"Father
Roland Warren, CEO of the National Fatherhood Initiative, says that the three l= aws of fathering are: LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. This is of course a tak= e-off of the famous three laws of real estate.
 
I find it h= ard to disagree with Roland. You could insert several words that engender t= he same result and all have the same ring of truth about them, for example:=
Proximity
Presence
Position
Attendance
NearnessCloseness
Immediacy
Company
Closeness
 
O= ne of the other phrases that came up in my synonym search was
Being th= ere.
 
Another translation of Roland Warren's quote could be= :
The three laws of fathering are: BEING THERE, BEING THERE, BEING THE= RE!
 
"OK Warwick, I know its true, but I have to go to work= ," you say. Yes, I know that, but you can choose your work hours and your l= ifestyle to suit your fathering, rather than the other way around.
&nb= sp;
While I was in Kalgoorlie recently I was having discussions with G= raham Thomson, founder of the Family Institute. We were talking about the p= ressure put on families by the fly-in, fly-out lifestyle in the goldfield c= ompanies of that region. Graham told me that studies have been done on this= effect and that most often men in these companies work 2-3 weeks of 12 hou= r shifts straight, followed by one week off. In more than 75% of cases the = same men suffer relationship breakdowns, resulting in divorce and loss of c= ontact with children. I know of other friends in the music industry, which = requires long periods away from home on tour, who have ultimately lost cont= act with their children.
 
Life is a decision. Hundreds of = small decisions lead to many big decisions. We have to make the right decis= ions regarding the three laws of fathering, or risk losing our children in = the process.
 
Years ago I made a decision to actively play = music with my young family. I had toured overseas and throughout Australia = with some very good musicians, but I made a decision to forgo some level of= commercial success by playing with my own children, who at times were musi= cally pretty average (especially in the first few years). The beauty of thi= s decision was that I got to hang out with my wife and children while on to= ur for extended periods both in Australia and overseas. I can honestly say = that it was one of the best decisions that I have ever made.
 I may have sold more albums and probably earned more money by touring an= d recording with session level musos, but several of my friends in the musi= c industry have lost their marriages and their ability to be effective fath= ers in the chase for that elusive thing called 'success'. As Einstein said,= "Try not to become a man of success but a man of value".
 
= Please think back to the fact that it was 'intimate proximity' that produce= d your children, and it will be continuing 'intimate proximity' with the sa= me woman that will ensure that you are a father who truly values the greate= st success a man can experience - the success of being a good father.
=  
Lovework
 So I continue with my love secrets - Location, location, location.
 
Always easier said than done, but always great power in the d= oing.
 
Always remember:
Doing follows decisions.
= Life is a decision.
Just go and make some.
 
Yours for = more proximity
Warwick Marsh
 
PS. If you have some go= od ideas about becoming a great dad, please share them with us and we will = endeavour to share them with others.
 
If you have some good= ideas on how to raise money and promote fatherhood and healthy family livi= ng please let us know, we might invite you to a Fatherhood Foundation pizza= -fundraising-ideas night on 28th October 2008.
 
If you have= some ideas to help the children of Australia go to www.dads4kids.org.au/CompEntry    
 =
Please feel fee to contact me with your ideas: info@fatherhood.org.au  

___________________________________________________________________= _

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for&n= bsp;32 years. He is the grandfather of two children and father of five chil= dren, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 27 years to 15 years= .  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who = likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

<= /tr>
Laughter
=
 3D"Haircut"A man and a litt= le boy entered a barber shop together. After the man received the full trea= tment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the = chair.

"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he= said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut w= as completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks lik= e your Daddy's forgotten all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy,"= said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, = son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'" 
Grandfathers
3D"Father 
When I was a boy of fourteen
my father was so i= gnorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But wh= en I got to be twenty-one
I was astonished at how much
the old = man had learned in seven years.
 
Mark Twain
Single Dads
Com= municating with Your Ex 3D"Divorce
by Ken Canfield
 
When children are involved, a divorce isn't an ending. It's just the b= eginning of a long, challenging cooperative effort to do what's best for th= e kids in a tough situation.

I hear from divorced moms and dads = who are frustrated and angry. They have a whole list of complaints against = each other which leads to a total lack of communication and no healthy give= -and-take. And the kids suffer.
Too often, the ex-spouses are incapabl= e of simple, honest communication, where one person comes to the other and = says, "This is what I need from you." There's no listening to the other poi= nt of view or any effort to negotiate a workable agreement. At best, they l= et their lawyers do the their talking.

If that describes you and= your ex, it's time to find a better way. Often, a non-custodial father's r= elationship with his children depends heavily on the kids' mother, so it's = important to be civil. With a few adjustments you can learn to communicate = with each other.

A good start might sound like this: "I know the= re's a lot of pain and bitterness between us, but can't we just put that as= ide? Let's not make our kids suffer any more for our mistakes."

= Here are some other examples: "I'm trying to be reliable and on time, but I= 'd be a lot more motivated if I knew you weren't saying bad things about me= in front of the kids."

"If I knew I could really trust you, it = would be a lot easier to let you see the kids more."

"I really d= o want to help out financially, but it's hard to make sacrifices when I see= you taking expensive vacations."

And remember, how you say some= thing can be even more important than what you're saying. It won't be easy,= but strive to avoid making accusations and getting upset. If it helps, vie= w your ex as a business client. You need his or her help if you're going to= accomplish your goal-doing what's best for your children. So be respectful= as you attempt to close the deal.

Communication is the lifebloo= d of every successful parenting team. So please, dad, for the sake of your = children, just be honest, swallow your pride, and talk to each other.
=  
Ken Canfield is a feature writer and prvious CEO of the National Center o= f Fathering
 
All You Nee= d is Love
 3D"Marriage
The Top Ten Myths of Marriage=
By David Popenoe
 
1. Marriage benefits men m= uch more than women.
 
Contrary to earlier and wid= ely published reports, recent research find men and women to benefit almost= equally from marriage, although in different ways. Both men and women live= longer, happier, healthier and wealthier lives when they are married. husb= ands typically gain greater health benefits while wives gain greater financ= ial advantages.
 
2. Having children typically brin= gs a married couple closer together and increases marital happiness.
=  
Many studies have shown that the arrival of the first = baby commonly has the effect of pushing the mother and father apart, and br= inging stress to the marriage. However, couples with children have a slight= ly lower rate of divorce than childless couples.
 
= 3. The keys to long-term marital success are good luck and romantic love. <= br /> 
Rather than luck and love, the most common reason= s couples give for their long-term marital success are commitment and compa= nionship. They define their marriage as a creation that has taken hard work= , dedication and commitment (to each other and to the institution of marria= ge.) The happiest couples are friends who share compatible interests and va= lues.
 
4. The more educated a woman becomes, the l= ower are her chances of getting married.
 
A recen= t study based on marriage rates in the mid-1990s concluded that today's wom= en college graduates are more likely to marry than their non-college peers,= despite their older age at first marriage. This is a change from the past,= when women with more education were less likely to marry.
 
5. Couples who live together before marriage, and are thus able t= o test how well suited they are for each other, have more satisfying and lo= nger lasting marriages than couples who do not.
 
= Many studies have found that those who live together before marriage have l= ess satisfying marriages and a considerably higher chance of eventually bre= aking up. One reason is that people who cohabit may be more skittish of com= mitment and more likely to call it quits when problems arise. But in additi= on, the very act of living together may lead to attitudes that make happy m= arriages more difficult. The findings of one recent study, for example, sug= gest "there may be less motivation for cohabiting, partners to develop thei= r conflict resolution and support skills." (One important exception: cohabi= ting couples who are already planning to marry each other in the near futur= e have just as good a chance at staying together as couples who don't live = together before marriage.
 
6. People can't be expe= cted to stay in a marriage for a lifetime as they did in the past because w= e live so much longer today
 
Unless our compariso= n goes back a hundred years, there is no basis for this belief. The enormou= s increase in longevity is due mainly to a steep reduction in infant mortal= ity. And while adults today can expect to live a little longer than their g= randparents, they also marry at a later age. The life span of a typical div= orce free marriage, therefore, has not changed much in the past 50 years. A= lso, many couples call it quits long before they get to a significant anniv= ersary - half of all divorces take place by the seventh year of a marriage.=
 
7. Marrying puts a woman at greater risk of dome= stic violence than if she remains single.
 
Contra= ry to the proposition that for men "a marriage license is a hitting licence= ," a large body of research shows that being unmarried and especially livin= g with a man outside of marriage, is associated with a considerably higher = risk of domestic violence for women. One reason for this finding is that ma= rried women may significantly underreport domestic violence. Further, women= are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce a man who is violent. = Yet it is probably also the case that married men are less likely to commit= domestic violence because they are more invested in their wives' well bein= g, and more integrated into the extended family and community. These social= forces seem to help check men's violent behavior.
 
8. Married people have less satisfying sex lives, and less sex, than sing= le people.
 
According to a large scale national s= tudy, married people have both more and better sex than do their unmarried = counterparts. Not only do they have sex more often but they enjoy it more, = both physically and emotionally.
 
9. Cohabitation = is just marriage, but without "the piece of paper".
 Cohabitation typically does not bring the benefits - in physical health= , wealth and emotional well being - that marriage does. In terms of these b= enefits cohabitants in the United States more closely resemble singles than= married couples. This is due, in part, to the fact that cohabitants tend n= ot to be as committed as married couples, and they are more orientated towa= rd their own personal autonomy and less to the well being of their partner.=
 
10. Because of the high divorce rate, which weed= s out the unhappy marriages, people who stay in married have happier marria= ges than people did in the past when everyone stuck it out, no matter how b= ad the marriage.
 
According to what people have r= eported in several large surveys, the general level of happiness has declin= ed slightly. Some studies have found in recent marriages, compared to those= of twenty or thirty years ago, significantly more work related stress, mor= e marital conflict and less marital interaction. 

 
=09

Special Feature

 
 
Rebuilding F= athers3D"Dad
By Roland C. Warren
 One of my favorite television shows growing up was "The Six Million Dol= lar Man." It was about secret agent Steve Austin (played by Lee Majors) who had been severely injured in a= plane crash and then "rebuilt" for special missions with the Office of Sci= entific Intelligence of the CIA. The operation to give him bionic, and thus= more powerful, body parts cost $6 million.
The show's opening popula= rized the phrase, "We can rebuild him - we have the technology." Indeed, th= e government agency that rebuilt him vowed to make him "better than he was = before - better, stronger, faster." Having this one man be better, stronger= and faster was worth at least $6 million to the government.
In the w= ake of Father's Day, I was reminded of the show's premise when I considered= the state of our nation's fathers and fatherhood in general. Like Steve Au= stin, the institution of fatherhood, in too many communities, needs to be r= ebuilt.
Indeed, fatherhood is at a crossroads. On one hand, today's i= nvolved fathers are more engaged in the day-to-day care of their children t= han at any time in recent memory. On the other hand, far too many fathers a= re disconnected from their children - more than 25 million children, one ou= t of every three, live absent their biological fathers. These children are = at least two to three times more likely to be poor; to use drugs; to experi= ence educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems; to be victims = of child abuse; and to engage in criminal behavior than peers who live with= both of their parents.
With Steve Austin, the question was, "How muc= h will it cost to rebuild him?" With our nation's fathers, the question is,= "How much will it cost not to rebuild them?"
Until now, we could onl= y guess. But the National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI) has sought to put a r= eal dollar value on how much father absence is costing our nation. The answ= er is $100 billion annually. Talk about inflation.
NFI's new report, = "The One Hundred Billion Dollar Man: The Annual Public Costs of Father Abse= nce," written by the late Steven Nock of the University of Virginia and Chr= istopher Einolf of DePaul University, measured the proportion of 2006 feder= al expenditures on child-support enforcement and 13 means-tested benefits p= rograms that serve father-absent homes.
The $99.8 billion result is n= early 4 percent of the federal budget. Medicaid, Temporary Assistance for N= eedy Families (TANF), and the Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC) accounted for= more than half of the $99.8 billion in expenditures, at $53 billion.
Given the enormousness of these numbers, if only a fraction of our nation'= s absent fathers returned to their families and lifted them out of eligibil= ity for the benefits programs, there would be huge savings for taxpayers. F= or example, the federal government spent nearly $35 billion on food stamps = in 2006. Imagine if a third of these father-absent homes were no longer in = need of federal assistance? The presence of these fathers would pay for alm= ost the entire Food Stamp Program.
Assuredly, the value of fathers is= measured in more than dollars and cents - they play a unique and irreplace= able role in their children's emotional, physical, psychological and educat= ional development. With their invaluable emotional contribution to their ki= ds and their $100 billion monetary value to taxpayers, it is clear that the= time to act is now.
Borrowing the theme from "The Six Million Dollar= Man," we can rebuild the American father. We have the "technology." Since = the mid-1990s, NFI and other organizations have fought to renew the institu= tion of fatherhood in America by launching public education campaigns, prov= iding social services organizations with fatherhood supports, producing cur= riculums and other skill-building materials for dads, and many other tactic= s.
In the last five years, more organizations in the government, heal= th care, business, corrections, faith, community, educational and military = sectors have added fatherhood programming to their services to families. In 2006, the federal government passed the first dedicated funding stre= am, $50 million, to support fatherhood work nationally.
More needs to= be done, however. Dedicating $50 million, $100 million, or even $500 milli= on per year to a problem that costs $100 billion per year certainly is not = excessive. The government and private sector should view expenditures on fa= therhood renewal as very well-placed investments.
As much as I loved = "The Six Million Dollar Man," if saving that one man was worth $6 million, = how much is saving 25 million children worth? Making our nation's fathers m= ore involved, more responsible and more committed than before would be pric= eless to our nation's most valuable asset - our children.
Roland C. W= arren is the married father of two sons and president of the National Fathe= rhood Initiative (www.fatherhood.org). His "Pop's Culture" column appears o= n the first Sunday of the month. He can be reached at rwarren@fatherhood.org .
&n= bsp;

News & Info
=
 
 Parents Link
 
 
 
 
DADS4KIDS COMPETITION
 
Fatherhood Foundation is asking Australians to help Dads4Kids with the= ir ideas on how to solve the problems that Australian children face. Dads4K= ids is an initiative of the Fatherhood Foundation which is a harm preventio= n charity. Find out more information or enter the Dads4Kids Competition.&nb= sp;   
View Community Service Announcements at:
http://www.dads4kids.org.au/Media  =   

___________________________________________________________________
 
Dads & Kids @ Play
 
Each month we invite dads and their Kids to jo= in us for some fun and games just for them. Next event is 21st October 2008= @ Flinders Child & Family Centre, Adam Murray Way, Flinders (Shellharbour)=
Puppet Show and guest speaker - Michael Jazbec= =20
 
Time 5pm - 7pm
Phone Jenny on 4297 6138 or SMS to 0410082638 
__________________________________________________________________
 
 
Dads4Kids
 
Comments from the Dads4Kids website are coming in, as are = entries for the Dads4Kids Competition. Below are just a few of the comments= we have received.
__________________
 
I understand wh= at you are trying to achieve with this organization, but I wanted to let yo= u know that there are kids who are being quite hurt by your campaign. My da= ughter who is 7 saw the add on TV and turned to me with tears in her eyes a= nd said "but some dads don't want to play with their kids do they?" This st= ems from my ex-husbands' lack of contact with my kids, I have never denied = contact, only encouraged it. When he does have them occasionally they get d= umped at their grandparents, or other relatives while dad "works" (usually = Friday and Saturday nights, he is 30 years old, is it necessary to go clubb= ing every weekend?). Birthdays are forgotten and phone calls are monthly if= that. It is always myself who has to comfort the children and basically li= e on behalf of my ex to protect their feelings. Anyway, I just felt that al= though some dads are treated unfairly, some dads break their kids hearts ev= ery day, and don't deserve the title of 'dad'. Poor Dads?... No, poor KIDS.= Sara
____________________
 
Never heard of your organi= zation before , but am a big fan of Matthew Hayden and noticed his ad for y= our organization. Would have been nice to see Matt and the kids wearing hel= mets on their scooters. Just another way of keeping kids safe. Keep up the = good work. Cheers Peter
______________________
 
We hav= e this site and want I want to know is, why do we always have to have a cel= ebrity for Father of the Year. Let's face it, they are away most of the tim= e doing their own thing, not at home with the kids just like everyday dad i= s, so why do they get the glory? Eh? Come on all you Aussies and start lobb= ying the Governments for an ordinary dad to get the rewards. Anon
____= ___________________
 
I believe that our Koori children shou= ld be recognised more, there should be more schools, better government prot= ection for them from the horrible people out there that abuse and take adva= ntage of them, They should have more opportunities to be educated, and we c= an only start in that area when we start to educate their parents and I bel= ieve that it is up to this generation of young people to come forth and hel= p make our young Koori children learn that there is a life out there for th= em as well , that they are not the forgotten generations that they are a hu= man and need to be loved and cared for just like every other human. Judi_______________________
 
The best thing I have learnt wa= s from a documentary about rogue elephants. The story goes like this, there= were 10 young elephants that had destroyed villages and had even killed pe= ople. They didn't know what to do until they noticed that the rogue elephan= ts were young male orphan's. The park had killed the older elephants becaus= e of over crowding .It wasn't long before they added some older male elepha= nt's from a neighbouring park. It was an instant success, the presence of t= he older elephant's had an effect that they couldn't believe the attack on = the villages stopped. It show's me that the presence of a male role model i= s needed in every home .If it comes from a father thats great but it can al= so come from a uncle or a close family friend. let's learn from the elephan= ts. Joel
_______________________
 
We need to work toge= ther in one accord to succeed. We should never give up as it is the single = biggest responsibility we have as fathers to protect and bring up our kids = in a positive way. Pete
 

Dad's Prayer

           &nbs= p;       
       3D"Grouch"=
 
 
Dear God
&nbs= p;
In your presence is fullness of joy.
I pray that can be said a= bout me as a father.
I pray that I am not an old grouch.
I pray t= hat I am not a kill-joy.
I pray that I am not self-obsessed.
I pr= ay that I have enough presence of mind
to be a man of value to my chi= ldren
and not just another successful man
chasing the dollar
and forgetting the important things.
Lord, help me remember the impor= tant things.
        &n= bsp;        
=09
=09
Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Pre= vention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been pro= ven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children b= y promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word an= d deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well= -being of their children and their children's mother.

 

If you would like to give financially t= o the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

 

Fatherhood Found= ation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be = emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)

 Westpac Branch Wollongong      &nb= sp;            =   DONATE ONLINE

BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558
 

Or mail cheque and address details to:<= br />PO Box 542
UNANDERRA  NSW&nbs= p; 2526
AUSTRALIA

 

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund&n= bsp; is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities u= nder Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.=

 

You have received the fatherson= line.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been = subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive future emails, = please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below.

=09
=09
=09
3D"Safe
This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by in= fo@fathersonline.org.
Fatherhood Foundati= on | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia
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