Received: from evaki.its.uow.edu.au (130.130.68.32) by staffmail.uow.edu.au (10.5.102.13) with Microsoft SMTP Server id 8.1.311.2; Sun, 23 Nov 2008 09:46:11 +1100 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by evaki.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1L41Et-0005iH-9w for blane@uow.edu.au; Sun, 23 Nov 2008 09:46:07 +1100 Received: from c3.confirmedcc.com (c3.confirmedcc.com [64.95.77.164]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.10.3-GA) with ESMTP id PUU67698; Sun, 23 Nov 2008 09:45:07 +1100 (EST) Received: from p2-ws508.ad.prodcc.net (unknown [10.252.0.101]) by c3.confirmedcc.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 67D4C34E8B11 for ; Sat, 22 Nov 2008 17:25:44 -0500 (EST) From: Fatherhood Foundation To: Brian Lane Date: Sun, 23 Nov 2008 09:26:43 +1100 Subject: Ideas to Help Our Children Thread-Topic: Ideas to Help Our Children Thread-Index: AclM9B5RdAmHE6nnQtOGkL6BGQXdUw== Message-ID: <1102327196615.1101938345415.1211.8.120172502@scheduler> List-Unsubscribe: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?p=un&v=001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-3d90mBLDU8ykJAQymPGHLz0ncK5hL87_SA== Reply-To: "info@fathersonline.org" Accept-Language: en-AU, en-US Content-Language: en-US X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthAs: Anonymous X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthSource: excasht03.ad.uow.edu.au X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: x-junkmail-status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au x-junkmail-sd-raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A150202.49288BAA.0006:SCFMA772204,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=64.95.77.164, so=2008-09-22 23:22:13, dmn=5.4.3/2007-10-18, mode=single engine x-junkmail-iwf: false x-return-path-hint: ESC1102327196615_1101938345415_1211@in.confirmedcc.com x-roving-id: 1101938345415.1211 x-lumos-senderid: 1101938345415 x-roving-campaignid: 1102327196615 x-roving-streamid: 0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="_000_1102327196615110193834541512118120172502scheduler_" MIME-Version: 1.0 --_000_1102327196615110193834541512118120172502scheduler_ Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/11.jpg?a=3D11= 02327196615] 24th November 2008 Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families Issue 327 [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/1101093164665/people3_header= 1.jpg] Ideas to Help Our Children Dear Brian, Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information servi= ce for fathers and families as we present Ideas to Help Our Children In This Issue Frontline...New Ideas Laughter..My Brains Grandfathers...It only takes a spark Single Dads...Non Custodial Fatherhood All You Need is Love..Marriage Up's and Downs Special Feature...Father Sacrifices his Life News & Info..Parents Links Dads4Kids Dad's Prayer..Pass it on Next Week Love in action Join our Mailing List! [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/ftf_btn_1.gif] Quick Links Fatherhood Foundation Dads in Distress Focus on the Family National Center for Fathering Families For Life Pathways Foundation Marriage and Family - ACL Dads on the Air Equal Parenting Party CSA Adverts Thought of the Week [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/497.jpg?a=3D1= 102327196615]The most powerful factors in the world are clear ideas in the minds of energetic men of good will. J. Arthur Thomson Frontline [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/498.jpg?a=3D1= 102327196615] You have to be hungry for new ideas to make things happen and for your visi= on to be made into reality. These are the words of Anita Roddick, the founder of The Body S= hop. Anita established the first cosmetics The Body Shop = in 1976 in the UK with a social justice and environmental edge. By 200= 4 the Body Shop had 1,980 stores in over 50 countries with 77 million custo= mers; truly an inspiring story from an inspiring woman with a really simple= but great idea. Environmentally friendly cosmetics that involve no animal = testing and no exploitation of the poor in third world countries, Anita's w= ork echoes the words of Victor Hugo's famous saying, 'There is nothing as p= owerful as an idea whose time has come.'. I am asking for your help! What for this time Warwick? The Fatherhood Foundation needs your good ideas on how best to help the chi= ldren of Australia. The good news is that we will even pay you for those go= od ideas. Howzat? Please check: www.dads4kids/CompEntry for detai= ls The Fatherhood Foundation has a vision to turn the tide of fatherlessness i= n Australia. Our end goal is to help the children of Australia. If we can d= o that we can help the children of the world. Just this week I had a call from a medical doctor in South Africa asking fo= r help to start a Fatherhood Foundation to help the children of South Afric= a. In my reply I said to him, that my heart is bigger than my head. I would= love to help him. If we can first help the children of Australia we can he= lp the children of South Africa. In August of this year we were able to gain the support Matthew Hayden, Aus= tralia's most famous cricketer, to front our national TV advertisements to = harvest good ideas through our Dads4Kids competition. We are asking people = to give us their best ideas on how to help Aussie children get the best pos= sible start in life. Firstly, we have to identify the problems in fathering. Secondly, we must come up with some solutions and, Thirdly, we are asking people to give us their best ideas on how to raise m= oney to help us do the work. Your ideas can be contained in 6 to 60 words, but no more than 600 words. Your ideas and observations are very valuable to us. Maybe you have an idea= 'whose time has come' that could help us multiply the work of Dads4Kids an= d the Fatherhood Foundation, not only in Australia, but around the world. M= y brother Cameron, who lives in Tasmania, is really excited about the Dads4= Kids concept and has suggested the establishment of a hundred Dads4Kids gro= ups all over Australia with a focus to help children, resource fathers and = encourage families. It only takes one really good idea to change the world, Anita Roddick did i= t with The Body Shop and established a thriving business that helped the en= vironment, fought for human rights and improved people's living conditions = in third world countries through promoting fair trade. It can be done. There are 4.7 million children in Australia. There are 2.2 = billion children in the world. Your ideas might only help some of those chi= ldren, but all those that you help will be very thankful. No doubt you have heard the Starfish Story: The Starfish Story - Original Story by: Loren Eisley One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he asked, "What are you doing?" The youth replied, "Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them back, they= 'll die." "Son," the man said, "don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach = and hundreds of starfish? You can't make a difference!" After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said..." I made a difference for that one." Lovework Nolan Bushell said, 'Everyone who has taken a shower has an idea. It's the = person who gets out of the shower, dries off and does something about it th= at makes a difference.' Your Lovework for this week is to: Have a shower Get an idea on how to help our children Enter the Dads4Kids Competition and help us make a difference. We thank you in advance for all your good ideas. Yours for more inspiration Warwick Marsh PS We had a great celebration launch of International Men's Day 2008 at NSW= Parliament House in Sydney. International Men's Day on 19th November is sp= reading around the world. The full story can be found in News & Info. This Tuesday I have been invited by the Minister for Health to the release = of the consultation paper on Men's Health in Parliament House, Canberra. If= we can sort out a few irregularities in the administration process I will = be attending. If you believe in the power of prayer, please pray for these = matters to be resolved. Men's Health is an issue close to my heart. ____________________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfath= er of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ran= ging in age from 28 years to 16 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, = producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himsel= f. Laughter [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/496.gif?a=3D= 1102327196615] A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?" "Not yet," she replied. Grandfathers It Only Takes a Spark ... Pass It On By Dan Britt [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/499.jpg?a=3D= 1102327196615] Editor's Note: Even though this story is about being a great drummer and le= arning from others, it can apply to fathers and grandfathers as they seek t= o pass their life experience on to the next generation. Great inspiring people have influenced people in every area of life through= out centuries. Henry David Thoreau, the great 19th century transcendentalis= t writer, was influenced by the great Ralph Waldo Emerson. Thoreau was the = impetus for Ghandi's and Martin Luther King Jr's civil disobedience, which = ultimately changed the shape of the world for a better humanity. Socrates t= aught Plato who taught Aristotle, who collectively remain the greatest phil= osophical trio in history. We often stand on the shoulders of giants. And w= e can notice connections such as these throughout history--a lineage--a pas= sing down of wisdom. Such is the case in the drumming world as well. It onl= y takes a spark. And that spark can potentially inspire many to enter a new= encouraging world, accompanied by enthusiasm, new hope, and excitement. This lineage is evident in the drumming world. I know, because I've been ex= periencing it. On a fall night last year, my drumming friend and I went out= to see a Rush tribute band. I looked forward to a night of great drumming,= but did not expect that I would afterward decide to pursue drumming to a h= igher level. As the drum solo began, the audience began to walk toward the = stage, similar to a magnetic effect. I soon realized why, as drummer, Joe B= ergamini, displayed a dynamic, inspiring solo, marked by incredible techniq= ue and musicality. From experiencing the solo, one can understand how drumm= ing can entertain, excite, and elicit the need for total expression. At tha= t point, I had realized the power of drumming, and the reason to elevate my= drumming to the next plane. I went to the website of Joe Bergamini, and found that he studied with lege= ndary Dom Famularo for several years. That knowledge brought me to the webs= ite of Dom Famularo. I then discovered that Dom studied with Joe Morello an= d Jim Chapin, among other drumming greats. Moreover, I read that Joe Morell= o studied with George Lawrence Stone, author of Stick Control, which many c= onsider the bible of drumming! He also studied with Billy Gladstone. As if = that wasn't enough, I realized that Jim Chapin studied from Sanford Moeller= , the man who directly observed the great civil war drummers, and teacher o= f Gene Krupa. Everything began to make sense: This was the true essence of = drumming ... And it was all passed down collectively ... I knew I was follo= wing the right path. I began to study with Drumming's Global Ambassador, Dom Famularo. Besides l= earning from one of drumming's greatest educators, I realized that the visi= t to Dom's woodshed and his influence was one similar to the inspiring expe= rience of the students in the movie Dead Poet's Society. Based on a global = humanistic approach, I found that everything I've learned there I never eve= n considered in 16 years of drumming. Not only has it been inspiring, but s= ome of the guidance was geared toward my health that affected every aspect = and quality of my playing; some based on the laws of physics; other things = were based on techniques I had no idea even existed. This was more than I e= ver expected. I also had a few lessons with Jim Chapin and Joe Bergamini. As if that was not enough, I learned of Dom's Cycle of Self-Empowerment boo= k and began to discover concepts such as Choice Power, the Flame, and the T= ombstone Test. As a co-author of a psychology research project, I was intri= gued and amazed by the power of his words, and how they moved me to pursue = drumming to such a high level. I now had a heightened awareness of how drum= ming was a part of me--and I had an obligation to pursue it and share it--t= hat if I did not pursue it, it can eat at me. Dom refers to this inner iden= tity as "The Flame". And no matter how much you ignore it, it will not go a= way! You cannot remove it! It just the way us drummers are internally wired= ! I cannot overestimate the power of finding something and someone that can i= nfluence you, and "spark" this "flame". Since my own rekindling, I have pur= sued drumming to a higher level, and many great things have happened. Some = of the same knowledge and enthusiam that came from Gladstone, Stone, Morell= o, Chapin, and Famularo, have been passed down to me and then to my student= s. This energy has also spread to my own band, friends, and anyone who I en= counter in conversations about drumming. Most recently, I had the opportuni= ty to perform with the legendary guitarist Stanley Jordan. To put it mildly= , things have certainly begun to happen since my night out last fall--the n= ight I was inspired. As Dom says, "The cycle of self empowerment begins with respecting that fla= me and feeding that flame until if glows from you, turning you into a beaco= n that not only has the power to show you the way, but can be a source of g= uidance and inspiration for others. Do it before it's too late. Find that f= lame. It's where a happier life begins." Finally, to revisit the title, "It only takes a spark ... Pass it on", I ha= ve to admit that a song I used to play drums for in a church years ago, has= more meaning and validity than ever, and sums up this whole experience: "I= t only takes a spark to get a fire going, and soon all those around can war= m up in its glowing . . . Once you've experienced it . . . You want to pass= it on." Single Dads The pain of non-custodial fatherhood By Rev. David B. Smith [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/494.jpg?a=3D1= 102327196615] I am sitting at my daughters bedside. It is well past midnight. She is asle= ep. She is 15 years old now. She has overdosed. I am at the children's hospital= . Surely this has been the worst night of my life - getting the call, rushing= to the hospital, seeing her lying silently in bed with tubes sticking out = of her, waiting to hear from a doctor about what sort of future she can exp= ect, if any. I should feel terrible, and yet I feel strangely at peace sitting here, wit= h some strange sense that finally I am where I ought to be - at my daughter= 's side. I feel like a father again - somehow useful. My mind goes back to that time when she had the boating accident - she coul= dn't have been more than 7 or 8 years old. It had been my birthday, and we'd hired some boats to go out rowing on the = Lane Cove River. It was all very pleasant at first. It was a sunny day. My = daughter was in a boat with some of the other kids - mainly older than her = - and they'd been splashing water at our boat, that was slightly ahead of t= hem. Then their boat started to fill with water and some of the crew decided to = abandon ship. This was fine, as they all had life jackets on, and we weren'= t far from the shore. But then the last girl left in the boat, apart from m= y daughter, decided to make an exit, and she did so by standing up on the r= im of the boat and pushing herself off. As she did so, she overturned the b= oat, with my daughter still in the middle of it. The result was that my daughter was now underneath the middle of a capsized= boat that was rapidly sinking, and the buoyant life-jacket was preventing = her from escaping. She was being dragged down with the ship. My boat was not far away and within a couple of seconds I was in the water = and under her boat. The water was pitch black, like pea soup, but by the gr= ace of God I found her leg trashing around and pulled her down and out. We = both resurfaced with her screaming wildly. She told me later that she thoug= ht she had been caught by a sea-monster that had hold of her leg and was pu= lling her under. Thankfully her lifejacket kept her afloat, regardless of her emotional stat= e. My predicament was the opposite. I felt great, having retrieved her, but= I was sinking. I hadn't thought to take off my leather jacket before going= into the water of course, and my boots were quite heavy too, and I am not = a great swimmer. Thankfully another boat got to me before I sank. We all ended up just fine.= It was only my mobile phone that never recovered. Why is this event still so significant to me? Is it just because it was the= only time I was really able to help her? No, it's more than that. It is be= cause that event at the river that day defined for me what it means for me = to be a father. Being a father doesn't necessarily mean sitting-alongside my girl in the sa= me boat, doing all the rowing, but it does mean being somewhere in an adjoi= ning boat, ready to dive in if I'm needed. Being a non-custodial father, I can't be in the same boat. My time with my = girl is a series of stolen moments - moments that seem to have been growing= shorter and less intimate over the last few years, as she makes her transi= tion towards adulthood. In truth, I've never had the oars. I've never been her major provider, and = her mother has always had a firm hold of the rudder. I can look back on thi= s in regret now, but it doesn't change the situation, and with the law bein= g the way it is, I don't know whether I really had any other options. Until recently though, I'd always felt that I was at least travelling in th= at adjoining boat - always keeping one eye on my girl's progress and ready = to jump in if I was needed. This is what I've lost more recently, as she's = embedded herself more deeply into her peer group and allocated more hours t= o staying with her mother. I feel I've been relegated to the shoreline. This is the struggle for me as a father. I want to be her man - her provide= r and protector - but I can't be. I'm excluded from most of what is going o= n now, to the point where I have no idea where my daughter is going, whom s= he's seeing, or what she's getting up to. I know that not all of what she's up to is good, but I'm not near enough to= the action to see clearly any more. I'm no longer in that adjoining boat. = I'm on the shoreline, calling out to her, telling her to be careful, but kn= owing that, from where I stand, if she's not careful, there's really nothin= g I can do about it. This is not just my problem. It's the dilemma of modern fatherhood, particu= larly acute for non-custodial fathers. We're supposed to be in the picture,= somewhere, but not as fathers, not acting like real men. We're supposed to= be in the background somewhere, on the shoreline, offering helpful advice = when it's asked for, but if we see our children going down, our hands are t= ied. We can appeal to the mother, to the police, to the school, or to child= welfare, but we're unable to act like men and do anything. And yet tonight I feel at peace with myself. No, I wasn't there when she overdosed. No. I wasn't in a position to do any= thing to prevent this from happening. I didn't see the signs because I wasn= 't there when the signs were being displayed. But now at least I'm in the r= ight place at the right time. I'm at my daughter's side when she needs me. = Now I feel like a father again! Of course the feeling is illusory. I'm not really protecting her from anyth= ing here. The dangers she needs protecting from are not in the hospital, an= d when morning comes, things will begin to return to their familiar routine= , and I'll almost certainly find myself back on the shoreline. This is the pain of non-custodial fatherhood. To be a father of a teenage g= irl, you need to be more than an observer, but an observer is all you're al= lowed to be, and you're supposed to be a happy, friendly and affirming obse= rver. The great temptation is simply to turn away and not watch at all. Rev. David B. Smith www.fatherdave.org Reprinted from Dads in Distress All You Need is Love [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/500.gif?a=3D1= 102327196615] Marriages follow the ups and downs of the economy During tough economic times, couples find that financial problems can aff= ect their marriage. By Marilyn Gardner | Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor November= 17, 2008 Life changed in June for Thomas and Jennifer Dodson of Sacramento, Calif., = when he was laid off by the architecture firm where he worked. He immediate= ly started his own consulting firm. Although the work is rewarding and fulf= illing, it continues to be an "immense struggle," he says. Yet he praises his wife for being "more than great" throughout this experie= nce. "She has been a rock. Despite the stress and turmoil this has brought = into our life, this has made us closer than ever. I don't know how people d= o it without the support of their spouse. Having that other person there wh= ispering in your ear and telling you you can do it is so powerful." As families face layoffs, shrinking retirement funds, and credit-card debt,= economic uncertainties can test marriages and relationships. Some couples,= like the Dodsons, are finding renewed strength and closeness. Others will head for divorce court. Still others are trying to solve their = differences in more amicable ways. Whatever the circumstances, Howard Markm= an, codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the Universi= ty of Denver, reminds couples that even though they don't have control over= what happens with their employment, they do have control over their suppor= t for each other. "Focus on what you can control," he says. "That's your marriage and your family." These challenges affect couples at all income levels. "Often women have exp= ectations regarding their husband's ability to produce, provide, and protec= t," says Elinor Robin, a divorce mediator in Boca Raton, Fla. "When he is u= nable to meet these expectations and she is unable to accept and see beyond= her needs, there is a chipping away at the bond that connects them." Husbands face challenges, too. Szifra Birke, a wealth counselor in Chelmsfo= rd, Mass., tells of a client who earns $200,000 a year. "He has such extrem= e anxiety from losing $160,000 [in the stock market] that he is snapping at= his wife and children for going to the movies. He is micromanaging all pur= chases, including Dunkin' Donuts coffee, and he told his wife she shouldn't= drive so much or text message their kids." In addition to conflicts like these over spending and saving, those who are= under economic stress tend to be less able to notice things that are going= well in their relationships with their spouse and children, says Stephanie= Coontz, director of research at the Council on Contemporary Families in Ch= icago. "As soon as something goes wrong, they will be much more conscious o= f any behavior that is not helpful and tend to respond to it much more abru= ptly and negatively: 'You didn't pay that bill on time.' One of the first t= hings that falls out of family life under stress are little exchanges of gr= atitude and appreciation that maintain smooth relationships. Appreciation is so important in families." One young woman who came to Jeffrey Wasserman's law office recently seeking= divorce counseling was sobered by the financial realities of dividing asse= ts when the value of homes and portfolios is down. "After I went over what their lifestyle was now and what it would become af= ter a divorce, she went home and is in the process of trying to reconcile t= he marriage," says Mr. Wasserman, a divorce lawyer in Boca Raton. "It all w= as grounded in the economic downturn." Noting that divorce filings are down about 17 percent in Florida, Wasserman= says, "People are deciding to stay together to see if they can pool their = resources to get through this hard economic time. They're keeping resources= in one pot rather than dividing them." Read the Full story: Special Feature Father Dies trying to Save his Children Herald Sun, November 19, 2008[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/11= 01938345415/img/501.jpg?a=3D1102327196615] Editor's Note: This story came out on International Men's Day. Shane O'Neil= l's bravery has touched the nation and has been an incredible example of th= e greatest level of sacrifice that epitomises what manhood is all about. We= at the Fatherhood Foundation honour him. A FATHER desperately cried for help before losing his life trying to save h= is two young sons who had toppled from a wharf on the NSW south coast. Police said the father, identified as 28-year-old local Kalaru man Shane O'= Neill, drowned trying to save his sons after the pram toppled into the sea. The two boys, aged four years and 15 months, were pronounced dead at Bega H= ospital. Inspector Manny Byrne said the tragedy had devastated his officers who have= young families and were the first to perform CPR on 15-month-old Travis an= d four-year-old Riley. Inspector Manny Byrne said the seas were "about 2m and fairly choppy". "The father was deceased when he was retrieved," he said. "Police and ambul= ance personnel performed CPR on the boys until they arrived at Bega Hospita= l, there were declared deceased shortly after." Insp Byrne said a witness who dived in to help was pulled unconscious from = the water but revived a short time later. He was released from Bega Hospital this morning after being treated overnig= ht for minor injuries. Riley's preschool in Tathra was closed by grief-stricken staff today. The 28-year-old - who married only recently - was a butcher from the tiny h= amlet of Kalaru on the road between Bega and Tathra. Family and friends are= rallying around Mr O'Neill's wife Stacey. "We are just all gutted," long-time friend Steven Meaker said today. "To lose a family, I couldn't imagine what Stacey is going through. They ha= ve been going out for a while but they just built a house and were just sta= rting a family." Mr O'Neill had played rugby league for Bega for about 10 years but had rece= ntly semi-retired to concentrate on being a father. Colleagues at Kydd's butcher shop in Carp St, Bega, where Mr O'Neill worked= for more than a decade, were devastated. Riley and Travis regularly came in to see their father work and he was enor= mously popular with customers who began calling in condolences at 6am today= . "He was very, very popular, he was a great worker ... everyone knew Shane,"= colleague Mick Stafford said. "The kids always came in." The man was fishing off the Tathra Wharf and had his baby in the pram, with= his other child holding on to it, when the pram tumbled into the water sho= rtly after 8pm. The panicked father quickly dived five metres to save his children, while a= nother man also fishing nearby jumped into the water to help. The alarm was raised and Surf Lifesavers, police and paramedics arrived to = recover all four people from the freezing waters. Two Surf Lifesavers dived off the wharf and managed to pull the children ou= t, while the father was taken out by Lifesavers in a rubber duck boat. His children were taken by road ambulance to the local hospital in a critic= al condition but were pronounced dead shortly after arrival. The other man, who was holidaying in the area, was treated by ambulance off= icers and later taken to hospital. Mr Wheatley, who helped treat the fisherman at the surf club before paramed= ics arrived, said the man got cuts and bruises and was stung by blue bottle= s as he tried to rescue the young family. "He's fine, in shock. He was in the water for a while. It's freezing and he= came across all those waves," Mr Wheatley said. Mr Wheatley said the fisherman had been holidaying in the area for the past= few days and decided to take a last minute fish before going home today an= d that no one else was on the wharf with them at the time. No rain had fallen in the area last night so the wharf was not slippery but= Mr Wheatley said it got very dark there at night. The wharf has railings on both sides but not at the front of it, where it i= s believed the young father was sitting with his children. Police are investigating how the tragedy occurred and a report is expected = to be prepared for the coroner. - By Gemma Jones, Evelyn Yamine News & Info Parents Links [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/i= mg/502.jpg?a=3D1102327196615] School Kids dealing Drugs CHILDREN as young as 11 are being caught dealing, using or hiding drugs a= t Victorian schools. Marijuana, ecstasy and prescription pills are being swapped for as little a= s $5 in secret meetings on school ovals, in corridors and behind buildings ________________________________________________________________ [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/474.gif?a=3D= 1102327196615] Keep up with Movember at the website ____________________________________________________ International Men's Day Report Thanks to all who celebrated International Men's Day last Wednesday 19 Move= mber 2008. The Fatherhood Foundation held a special function at NSW Parliam= ent House, Sydney. Rob Koch, the first men and father's social worker, employed by Casey City = Council, VIC, spoke along with Greg Smith MP, Dr Elizabeth Celi and Prof Jo= hn MacDonald. Representatives from the men and father's movement were also = interviewed. The whole event was captured on video. All speeches and interviews from key= leaders will be up on the International Men's Day website by the= end of this week. It is pleasing to note that International Men's Day was also celebrated in = USA through several men and father's organizations with the kind assistance= of Diane Sears from the 'In Search of Fatherhood' magazine and al= so in South Africa (see News & Info). Jason Thompson from Brisbane is condu= cting further research on the beginnings of IMD in Australia. All research indicates that IMD was celebrated in 2003 and 2004 but then fe= ll off the radar. That means that this year's celebrations were a rebirth o= f the day in Australia. Let's put International Men's Day in the diary for 2009 and work towards bi= gger and better things for International Mens Day, 19th Movember 2009. [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/504.jpg?a=3D= 1102327196615] International Men's Day 19 November 2008 Australia Dear Fatherhood Foundation The lunch we planned for International Men's Day was held today. We arrange= d a venue and had the local RSL President as a guest speaker. We invited ab= out 30 guests including the top Police, Fire, SES and Ambos, Local Officers= and Men of the 42 Battalion and a few key business men and men in the medi= a. As it turned out just 6 made it, none of the Police, Military, media or = Emergency Services made it. This could be just slackness or it could be the= short time frame we had to work to. We could not send out invites until we= secured a venue and a guest speaker. Once that was done we did not have ti= me to RSVP as it was only a few days before the event. Despite the low numbers, the guest speaker did deliver his speech and it ge= nerated some good discussion. This was not the usual Family Court and CSA "= misery loves company" material, but a few topics such as youth crime, the m= edia and positive men in good roles for children. The RSL President is very keen to be involved next year and he has already = offered assistance. We plan to hit this again in August/Sept 2009 to give u= s a few months lead in time to prepare a better event. I took some photos which I will send on down to you when I get them on the = computer. Overall, not a raging success, but a good stepping stone to next year's eve= nt. We have been on radio with this and we will advertise it again next yea= r, so the seed is sown. Men organising on gender issues is something new fo= r most men and it may take some selling. Regards Cameron Smyth. International Men's Day 19 November 2008 International Dear Fatherhood Foundation Thank you so much for mentioning Save Indian Family Foundation and our effo= rts in your newsletter. Regards Uma ______________________ Dear Fatherhood Foundation I recently came across a blog indicating support for International Men's Da= y. Thanks for your support. I am from Trinidad and Tobago in the Caribbean and= have been working for the past 10 ten years in promoting this day. Many thanks for spreading the message to Save the Foundation groups in Indi= a and Pakistan. Regards Jerome Teelucksingh _____________________ Dear Gentlemen HAPPY INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY! How are you? Hopefully my note finds that all is well with each of you. I did not want too much time to elapse without thanking each of you for pro= viding me with the opportunity to collaborate with you on the promotion of = INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY! I enjoyed working with everyone! Let's do it again in 2009! Best regards Diane A. Sears Managing Editor - IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD(R) WEBSITE: www.bsi-international.com BLOG: http://globalfatherhooddialogue.blogspot.com Dads4Kids Dads4KIds Competition[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/11019383= 45415/img/402.jpg?a=3D1102327196615] Fatherhood Foundation is asking Australians to help Dads4Kids with their id= eas on how to solve the problems that Australian children face. Dads4Kids i= s an initiative of the Fatherhood Foundation which is a harm prevention cha= rity. Find out more information or enter the Dads4Kids Competition. View Community Service Announcements at:http://www.dads4kids.org.au/Media The comments on the Dads4Kids website keep coming in. Competition closes 30= th November 2008. Dad's Prayer [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/110193834541= 5/img/503.jpg?a=3D1102327196615] PASS IT ON By Kurt Kaiser =A9 1969 It only takes a spark to get a fire going And soon all those around can warm up to its glowing. That's how it is with God's love Once you've experienced it, You spread his love to everyone You want to pass it on. What a wondrous time is spring, when all the trees are budding. The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming. That's how it is with God's love, once you've experienced it. You want to sing, it's fresh like spring, you want to pass it on. I wish for you, my friend, this happiness that I've found. You can depend on him, it matters not where you're bound. I'll shout it from the mountaintop (praise God) I want the world to know; The Lord of love has come to me; I want to pass it on. I'll shout it from the mountaintop (praise God) I want the world to know; The Lord of love has come to me; I want to pass it on. Editors Note: Frontline quotes fromKurt Kaiser's song "Pass it On" to reinf= orce the theme of the power of ideas for this week's newsletter. The full t= ext is enclosed for our readers as Dad's Prayer for this week. Click on the link to= hear the melody. Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of h= arm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in f= athering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, pr= otective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and thei= r children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public F= und and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax ded= uctibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong DONATE ONLINE BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 542 UNANDERRA NSW 2526 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Regis= ter of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax = Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscri= bed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receiv= e future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below. Forward email [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/safe_unsubscribe_logo.gif] This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by info@fathersonline.org. Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe(tm) | Pri= vacy Policy. Email Marketing= by [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/cc-logo-color-sm.gif] Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia --_000_1102327196615110193834541512118120172502scheduler_ Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
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24th November 2008 &nb= sp;    Inspiring Fathers = ;Encouraging Families Issue 327
Ideas to Help Our Children
=
Dear Brian,

Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email inform= ation service for fathers and families as we present Ideas to Hel= p Our Children

=09
In This Issue
Frontline...New Ideas
Laughter..My Brains
Grandfathers...It only takes a spark
Single Dads...Non Custodial Fatherhood
All You Need is Love..Marriage Up's and Downs
Special Feature...Father Sacrifices his Life
News & Info..Parents Links
Dads4Kids
Dad's Prayer..Pass it on
Next Week&nb= sp;
 Love= in action
 =09 =09
 
Join our Mailing List!
 
Quick Links
 Thought of the Week
 

3D"EnergeticThe most powerful factors in the world
are clear ideas in the minds of energetic men of good will.
&nb= sp;
J. Arthur Thomson
 

  
Frontline
3D"Australian&= nbsp;
You have to be hungry for new ideas to make things happen = and for your vision to be made into reality.
 
These ar= e the words of Anita Roddick, the founder of The Body Shop.
 Anita established the first cosmetics The Body Shop in 1976 = in the UK with a social justice and environmental edge. By 2004 the Body Shop had= 1,980 stores in over 50 countries with 77 million customers; truly an insp= iring story from an inspiring woman with a really simple but great idea. En= vironmentally friendly cosmetics that involve no animal testing and no expl= oitation of the poor in third world countries, Anita's work echoes the word= s of Victor Hugo's famous saying, 'There is nothing as powerful as an idea = whose time has come.'.
 
I am asking for your help!
Wh= at for this time Warwick?
 
The Fatherhood Foundation needs= your good ideas on how best to help the children of Australia. The good ne= ws is that we will even pay you for those good ideas. Howzat? Please check:= www.dads4kids/CompEntry  fo= r details
 
The Fatherhood Foundation has a vision to turn t= he tide of fatherlessness in Australia. Our end goal is to help the childre= n of Australia. If we can do that we can help the children of the world. 
Just this week I had a call from a medical doctor in South A= frica asking for help to start a Fatherhood Foundation to help the children= of South Africa. In my reply I said to him, that my heart is bigger than m= y head. I would love to help him. If we can first help the children of Aust= ralia we can help the children of South Africa.
 
In August = of this year we were able to gain the support Matthew Hayden, Australia's m= ost famous cricketer, to front our national TV advertisements to harvest go= od ideas through our Dads4Kids competition. We are asking people to give us= their best ideas on how to help Aussie children get the best possible star= t in life.
 
Firstly, we have to identify the problems in fa= thering.
Secondly, we must come up with some solutions and,
Thir= dly, we are asking people to give us their best ideas on how to raise money= to help us do the work.
 
Your ideas can be contained in 6 = to 60 words, but no more than 600 words.
 
Your ideas and o= bservations are very valuable to us. Maybe you have an idea 'whose time has= come' that could help us multiply the work of Dads4Kids and the Fatherhood= Foundation, not only in Australia, but around the world. My brother Camero= n, who lives in Tasmania, is really excited about the Dads4Kids concept and= has suggested the establishment of a hundred Dads4Kids groups all over Aus= tralia with a focus to help children, resource fathers and encourage famili= es.
 
It only takes one really good idea to change the world= , Anita Roddick did it with The Body Shop and established a thriving busine= ss that helped the environment, fought for human rights and improved people= 's living conditions in third world countries through promoting fair trade.=
 
It can be done. There are 4.7 million children in Austral= ia. There are 2.2 billion children in the world. Your ideas might only help= some of those children, but all those that you help will be very thankful.=
 
No doubt you have heard the Starfish Story:
 The Starfish Story - Original Story by: Loren Eisley
 
<= em>One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy pi= cking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. 
Appro= aching the boy, he asked, "What are you doing?"
The youth replied, "Th= rowing starfish back into the ocean. 
The surf is up and the tid= e is going out.  If I don't throw them back, they'll die."
"Son,"= the man said, "don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hu= ndreds of starfish? 
You can't make a difference!"
After l= istening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and= threw it back into the surf.  Then, smiling at the man, he said..."I made a difference for that one."
Lovework
 
Nolan Bushell said, 'Everyo= ne who has taken a shower has an idea. It's the person who gets out of the = shower, dries off and does something about it that makes a difference.'
 
Your Lovework for this week is to:
Have a shower
Ge= t an idea on how to help our children
Enter the Dads4Kids Competition = and help us make a difference.
 
We thank you in advance for= all your good ideas.
 
Yours for more inspiration
Warw= ick Marsh
 
PS We had a great celebration launch of Internat= ional Men's Day 2008 at NSW Parliament House in Sydney. International Men's= Day on 19th November is spreading around the world. The full story can be = found in News & Info.
 
This Tuesday I have been invited by = the Minister for Health to the release of the consultation paper on Men's H= ealth in Parliament House, Canberra. If we can sort out a few irregularitie= s in the administration process I will be attending. If you believe in the = power of prayer, please pray for these matters to be resolved. Men's Health= is an issue close to my heart.
___________= _________________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  = ;has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfather o= f two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging= in age from 28 years to 16 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwr= iter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at = himself.
Laughter
=
 3D"Boy
 
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bat= h. =20
 

"Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?" =20
 

"Not yet," she replied.
Grandfathers
By Dan Britt=20
 3D"Passing
Edito= r's Note: Even though this story is about being a great drummer and learnin= g from others, it can apply to fathers and grandfathers as they seek to pas= s their life experience on to the next generation.
 
Great inspiring people have influenced people in every are= a of life throughout centuries. Henry David Thoreau, the great 19th century= transcendentalist writer, was influenced by the great Ralph Waldo Emerson.= Thoreau was the impetus for Ghandi's and Martin Luther King Jr's civil dis= obedience, which ultimately changed the shape of the world for a better hum= anity. Socrates taught Plato who taught Aristotle, who collectively remain = the greatest philosophical trio in history. We often stand on the shoulders= of giants. And we can notice connections such as these throughout history-= -a lineage--a passing down of wisdom. Such is the case in the drumming worl= d as well. It only takes a spark. And that spark can potentially inspire ma= ny to enter a new encouraging world, accompanied by enthusiasm, new hope, a= nd excitement.
 
This lineage is evident in the drumming world. I know, bec= ause I've been experiencing it. On a fall night last year, my drumming frie= nd and I went out to see a Rush tribute band. I looked forward to a night o= f great drumming, but did not expect that I would afterward decide to pursu= e drumming to a higher level. As the drum solo began, the audience began to= walk toward the stage, similar to a magnetic effect. I soon realized why, = as drummer, Joe Bergamini, displayed a dynamic, inspiring solo, marked by i= ncredible technique and musicality. From experiencing the solo, one can und= erstand how drumming can entertain, excite, and elicit the need for total e= xpression. At that point, I had realized the power of drumming, and the rea= son to elevate my drumming to the next plane.
I went to the website o= f Joe Bergamini, and found that he studied with legendary Dom Famularo for = several years. That knowledge brought me to the website of Dom Famularo. I = then discovered that Dom studied with Joe Morello and Jim Chapin, among oth= er drumming greats. Moreover, I read that Joe Morello studied with George L= awrence Stone, author of Stick Control, which many consider the bible of dr= umming! He also studied with Billy Gladstone. As if that wasn't enough, I r= ealized that Jim Chapin studied from Sanford Moeller, the man who directly = observed the great civil war drummers, and teacher of Gene Krupa. Everythin= g began to make sense: This was the true essence of drumming ... And it was= all passed down collectively ... I knew I was following the right path. I began to study with Drumming's Global Ambassador, Dom Famularo. Besid= es learning from one of drumming's greatest educators, I realized that the = visit to Dom's woodshed and his influence was one similar to the inspiring = experience of the students in the movie Dead Poet's Society. Based on a glo= bal humanistic approach, I found that everything I've learned there I never= even considered in 16 years of drumming. Not only has it been inspiring, b= ut some of the guidance was geared toward my health that affected every asp= ect and quality of my playing; some based on the laws of physics; other thi= ngs were based on techniques I had no idea even existed. This was more than= I ever expected. I also had a few lessons with Jim Chapin and Joe Bergamin= i.
 
As if that was not enough, I learned of Dom's Cycle of Sel= f-Empowerment book and began to discover concepts such as Choice Power, the= Flame, and the Tombstone Test. As a co-author of a psychology research pro= ject, I was intrigued and amazed by the power of his words, and how they mo= ved me to pursue drumming to such a high level. I now had a heightened awar= eness of how drumming was a part of me--and I had an obligation to pursue i= t and share it--that if I did not pursue it, it can eat at me. Dom refers t= o this inner identity as "The Flame". And no matter how much you ignore it,= it will not go away! You cannot remove it! It just the way us drummers are= internally wired!
I cannot overestimate the power of finding somethi= ng and someone that can influence you, and "spark" this "flame". Since my o= wn rekindling, I have pursued drumming to a higher level, and many great th= ings have happened. Some of the same knowledge and enthusiam that came from= Gladstone, Stone, Morello, Chapin, and Famularo, have been passed down to = me and then to my students. This energy has also spread to my own band, fri= ends, and anyone who I encounter in conversations about drumming. Most rece= ntly, I had the opportunity to perform with the legendary guitarist Stanley= Jordan. To put it mildly, things have certainly begun to happen since my n= ight out last fall--the night I was inspired.
 
As Dom says, "The cycle of self empowerment begins with re= specting that flame and feeding that flame until if glows from you, turning= you into a beacon that not only has the power to show you the way, but can= be a source of guidance and inspiration for others. Do it before it's too = late. Find that flame. It's where a happier life begins."
 
Finally, to revisit the title, "It only takes a spark ... = Pass it on", I have to admit that a song I used to play drums for in a chur= ch years ago, has more meaning and validity than ever, and sums up this who= le experience: "It only takes a spark to get a fire going, and soon all tho= se around can warm up in its glowing . . . Once you've experienced it . . .= You want to pass it on." 
 
Single Dads
The pain of non-custodial fatherhood By Rev. David B. Smith
3D"Girl

I= am sitting at my daughters bedside. It is well past midnight. She is aslee= p.

She is 15 years old now. She has overdosed. I am at the chil= dren's hospital.

Surely this has been the worst night of my lif= e - getting the call, rushing to the hospital, seeing her lying silently in= bed with tubes sticking out of her, waiting to hear from a doctor about wh= at sort of future she can expect, if any.

I should feel terribl= e, and yet I feel strangely at peace sitting here, with some strange sense = that finally I am where I ought to be - at my daughter's side. I feel like = a father again - somehow useful.

My mind goes back to that time= when she had the boating accident - she couldn't have been more than 7 or = 8 years old.

It had been my birthday, and we'd hired some boats= to go out rowing on the Lane Cove River. It was all very pleasant at first= . It was a sunny day. My daughter was in a boat with some of the other kids= - mainly older than her - and they'd been splashing water at our boat, tha= t was slightly ahead of them.

Then their boat started to fill w= ith water and some of the crew decided to abandon ship. This was fine, as t= hey all had life jackets on, and we weren't far from the shore. But then th= e last girl left in the boat, apart from my daughter, decided to make an ex= it, and she did so by standing up on the rim of the boat and pushing hersel= f off. As she did so, she overturned the boat, with my daughter still in th= e middle of it.

The result was that my daughter was now underne= ath the middle of a capsized boat that was rapidly sinking, and the buoyant= life-jacket was preventing her from escaping. She was being dragged down w= ith the ship.

My boat was not far away and within a couple of s= econds I was in the water and under her boat. The water was pitch black, li= ke pea soup, but by the grace of God I found her leg trashing around and pu= lled her down and out. We both resurfaced with her screaming wildly. She to= ld me later that she thought she had been caught by a sea-monster that had = hold of her leg and was pulling her under.

Thankfully her lifej= acket kept her afloat, regardless of her emotional state. My predicament wa= s the opposite. I felt great, having retrieved her, but I was sinking. I ha= dn't thought to take off my leather jacket before going into the water of c= ourse, and my boots were quite heavy too, and I am not a great swimmer.
Thankfully another boat got to me before I sank. We all ended up j= ust fine. It was only my mobile phone that never recovered.

Why= is this event still so significant to me? Is it just because it was the on= ly time I was really able to help her? No, it's more than that. It is becau= se that event at the river that day defined for me what it means for me to = be a father.

Being a father doesn't necessarily mean sitting-al= ongside my girl in the same boat, doing all the rowing, but it does mean be= ing somewhere in an adjoining boat, ready to dive in if I'm needed.
<= br />Being a non-custodial father, I can't be in the same boat. My time wit= h my girl is a series of stolen moments - moments that seem to have been gr= owing shorter and less intimate over the last few years, as she makes her t= ransition towards adulthood.

In truth, I've never had the oars.= I've never been her major provider, and her mother has always had a firm h= old of the rudder. I can look back on this in regret now, but it doesn't ch= ange the situation, and with the law being the way it is, I don't know whet= her I really had any other options.

Until recently though, I'd = always felt that I was at least travelling in that adjoining boat - always = keeping one eye on my girl's progress and ready to jump in if I was needed.= This is what I've lost more recently, as she's embedded herself more deepl= y into her peer group and allocated more hours to staying with her mother. = I feel I've been relegated to the shoreline.

This is the strugg= le for me as a father. I want to be her man - her provider and protector - = but I can't be. I'm excluded from most of what is going on now, to the poin= t where I have no idea where my daughter is going, whom she's seeing, or wh= at she's getting up to.

I know that not all of what she's up to= is good, but I'm not near enough to the action to see clearly any more. I'= m no longer in that adjoining boat. I'm on the shoreline, calling out to he= r, telling her to be careful, but knowing that, from where I stand, if she'= s not careful, there's really nothing I can do about it.

This i= s not just my problem. It's the dilemma of modern fatherhood, particularly = acute for non-custodial fathers. We're supposed to be in the picture, somew= here, but not as fathers, not acting like real men. We're supposed to be in= the background somewhere, on the shoreline, offering helpful advice when i= t's asked for, but if we see our children going down, our hands are tied. W= e can appeal to the mother, to the police, to the school, or to child welfa= re, but we're unable to act like men and do anything.

And yet t= onight I feel at peace with myself.

No, I wasn't there when she= overdosed. No. I wasn't in a position to do anything to prevent this from = happening. I didn't see the signs because I wasn't there when the signs wer= e being displayed. But now at least I'm in the right place at the right tim= e. I'm at my daughter's side when she needs me. Now I feel like a father ag= ain!

Of course the feeling is illusory. I'm not really protecti= ng her from anything here. The dangers she needs protecting from are not in= the hospital, and when morning comes, things will begin to return to their= familiar routine, and I'll almost certainly find myself back on the shorel= ine.

This is the pain of non-custodial fatherhood. To be a fath= er of a teenage girl, you need to be more than an observer, but an observer= is all you're allowed to be, and you're supposed to be a happy, friendly a= nd affirming observer. The great temptation is simply to turn away and not = watch at all.

Rev. David B. Smith

www.fatherdave.org  Reprinted from Dads in Distress=
All You Nee= d is Love
 
3D"Marriage
 
 Marriages follow the ups and downs of the econo= my 
   
  D= uring tough economic times, couples find that financial problems can affect= their marriage.
By Marilyn Gardner | Staff writer of The Christian Sc= ience Monitor November 17, 2008
 
Life changed in June for = Thomas and Jennifer Dodson of Sacramento, Calif., when he was laid off by t= he architecture firm where he worked. He immediately started his own consul= ting firm. Although the work is rewarding and fulfilling, it continues to b= e an "immense struggle," he says.
 
Yet he praises his wife = for being "more than great" throughout this experience. "She has been a roc= k. Despite the stress and turmoil this has brought into our life, this has = made us closer than ever. I don't know how people do it without the support= of their spouse. Having that other person there whispering in your ear and= telling you you can do it is so powerful."
 
As families fa= ce layoffs, shrinking retirement funds, and credit-card debt, economic unce= rtainties can test marriages and relationships. Some couples, like the Dods= ons, are finding renewed strength and closeness.
 
Others wi= ll head for divorce court. Still others are trying to solve their differenc= es in more amicable ways. Whatever the circumstances, Howard Markman, codir= ector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Den= ver, reminds couples that even though they don't have control over what hap= pens with their employment, they do have control over their support for eac= h other. "Focus on what you can control," he says.
"That's your marria= ge and your family."
 
These challenges affect couples at al= l income levels. "Often women have expectations regarding their husband's a= bility to produce, provide, and protect," says Elinor Robin, a divorce medi= ator in Boca Raton, Fla. "When he is unable to meet these expectations and = she is unable to accept and see beyond her needs, there is a chipping away = at the bond that connects them."
 
Husbands face challenges,= too. Szifra Birke, a wealth counselor in Chelmsford, Mass., tells of a cli= ent who earns $200,000 a year. "He has such extreme anxiety from losing $16= 0,000 [in the stock market] that he is snapping at his wife and children fo= r going to the movies. He is micromanaging all purchases, including Dunkin'= Donuts coffee, and he told his wife she shouldn't drive so much or text me= ssage their kids."
 
In addition to conflicts like these ove= r spending and saving, those who are under economic stress tend to be less = able to notice things that are going well in their relationships with their= spouse and children, says Stephanie Coontz, director of research at the Co= uncil on Contemporary Families in Chicago. "As soon as something goes wrong= , they will be much more conscious of any behavior that is not helpful and = tend to respond to it much more abruptly and negatively: 'You didn't pay th= at bill on time.' One of the first things that falls out of family life und= er stress are little exchanges of gratitude and appreciation that maintain = smooth relationships.
Appreciation is so important in families."
=  
One young woman who came to Jeffrey Wasserman's law office rece= ntly seeking divorce counseling was sobered by the financial realities of d= ividing assets when the value of homes and portfolios is down.
 <= br />"After I went over what their lifestyle was now and what it would beco= me after a divorce, she went home and is in the process of trying to reconc= ile the marriage," says Mr. Wasserman, a divorce lawyer in Boca Raton. "It = all was grounded in the economic downturn."
 
Noting that di= vorce filings are down about 17 percent in Florida, Wasserman says, "People= are deciding to stay together to see if they can pool their resources to g= et through this hard economic time. They're keeping resources in one pot ra= ther than dividing them."
Read the Full story:<= /a> 
=09

Special Feature

Father Dies trying to Save his Children
Herald Sun, November 19, 20083D"Tathra"
 
Editor's Note: This sto= ry came out on International Men's Day. Shane O'Neill's bravery has touched= the nation and has been an incredible example of the greatest level of sac= rifice that epitomises what manhood is all about. We at the Fatherhood Foun= dation honour him.
 
A FATHER despe= rately cried for help before losing his life trying to save his two young s= ons who had toppled from a wharf on the NSW south coast.=20
 
Police said the father, identified as 28-year-old loc= al Kalaru man Shane O'Neill, drowned trying to save his sons after the pram= toppled into the sea.

The two boys, aged four years and 15 mon= ths, were pronounced dead at Bega Hospital.

Inspector Manny Byr= ne said the tragedy had devastated his officers who have young families and= were the first to perform CPR on 15-month-old Travis and four-year-old Ril= ey.

Inspector Manny Byrne said the seas were "about 2m and fair= ly choppy".

"The father was deceased when he was retrieved," he= said. "Police and ambulance personnel performed CPR on the boys until they= arrived at Bega Hospital, there were declared deceased shortly after."

Insp Byrne said a witness who dived in to help was pulled unconscio= us from the water but revived a short time later.

He was releas= ed from Bega Hospital this morning after being treated overnight for minor = injuries.

Riley's preschool in Tathra was closed by grief-stric= ken staff today.

The 28-year-old - who married only recently - = was a butcher from the tiny hamlet of Kalaru on the road between Bega and T= athra. Family and friends are rallying around Mr O'Neill's wife Stacey.
"We are just all gutted," long-time friend Steven Meaker said toda= y.

"To lose a family, I couldn't imagine what Stacey is going t= hrough. They have been going out for a while but they just built a house an= d were just starting a family."

Mr O'Neill had played rugby lea= gue for Bega for about 10 years but had recently semi-retired to concentrat= e on being a father.

Colleagues at Kydd's butcher shop in Carp = St, Bega, where Mr O'Neill worked for more than a decade, were devastated. =

Riley and Travis regularly came in to see their father work and= he was enormously popular with customers who began calling in condolences = at 6am today.

"He was very, very popular, he was a great worker= ... everyone knew Shane," colleague Mick Stafford said.

"The k= ids always came in."

The man was fishing off the Tathra Wharf a= nd had his baby in the pram, with his other child holding on to it, when th= e pram tumbled into the water shortly after 8pm.

The panicked f= ather quickly dived five metres to save his children, while another man als= o fishing nearby jumped into the water to help.

The alarm was r= aised and Surf Lifesavers, police and paramedics arrived to recover all fou= r people from the freezing waters.

Two Surf Lifesavers dived of= f the wharf and managed to pull the children out, while the father was take= n out by Lifesavers in a rubber duck boat.

His children were ta= ken by road ambulance to the local hospital in a critical condition but wer= e pronounced dead shortly after arrival.

The other man, who was= holidaying in the area, was treated by ambulance officers and later taken = to hospital.

Mr Wheatley, who helped treat the fisherman at the= surf club before paramedics arrived, said the man got cuts and bruises and= was stung by blue bottles as he tried to rescue the young family.
"He's fine, in shock. He was in the water for a while. It's freezing an= d he came across all those waves," Mr Wheatley said.

Mr Wheatle= y said the fisherman had been holidaying in the area for the past few days = and decided to take a last minute fish before going home today and that no = one else was on the wharf with them at the time.

No rain had fa= llen in the area last night so the wharf was not slippery but Mr Wheatley s= aid it got very dark there at night.

The wharf has railings on = both sides but not at the front of it, where it is believed the young fathe= r was sitting with his children.

Police are investigating how t= he tragedy occurred and a report is expected to be prepared for the coroner= .

- By Gemma Jones, Evelyn Yamine 
News & Info
=
 
Parents Links &n= bsp; 3D"Kids
 

  CHILDREN as young as = 11 are being caught dealing, using or hiding drugs at Victorian schools.
Marijuana, ecstasy and prescription pills are being swapped for as= little as $5 in secret meetings on school ovals, in corridors and behind b= uildings 
 

 __________________________________________________________= ______
 
 3D"Movember
 Keep up with Movember at the webs= ite =20
 
____________________________________________________
 
International Men's Day Report<= br /> 
Thanks to all who celebrated International= Men's Day last Wednesday 19 Movember 2008. The Fatherhood Foundation held = a special function at NSW Parliament House, Sydney.
 
Rob K= och, the first men and father's social worker, employed by Casey City Counc= il, VIC, spoke along with Greg Smith MP, Dr Elizabeth Celi and Prof John Ma= cDonald. Representatives from the men and father's movement were also inter= viewed. 
 
The whole event was captured on video. All = speeches and interviews from key leaders will be up on the International Men's Da= y website by the end of this week.
 
It is pleasing to n= ote that International Men's Day was also celebrated in USA through several= men and father's organizations with the kind assistance of Diane Sears from = the 'In Search of Fatherhood' magazine and also in South Africa (see News &= Info). Jason Thompson from Brisbane is conducting further research on the = beginnings of IMD in Australia.
 
All research indicates = that IMD was celebrated in 2003 and 2004 but then fell off the radar. That = means that this year's celebrations were a rebirth of the day in Australia.=
 
Let's put International Men's Day in the diary for 2009 a= nd work towards bigger and better things for International Mens Day, 19th M= ovember 2009.
  
 
 3D"Mens
 
 
 International Men's Day
1= 9 November 2008
Australia
 
Dear Fatherhood Foundation<= br /> 
The lunch we planned for International Men's Day was held = today. We arranged a venue and had the local RSL President as a guest speak= er. We invited about 30 guests including the top Police, Fire, SES and Ambo= s, Local Officers and Men of the 42 Battalion and a few key business men an= d men in the media. As it turned out just 6 made it, none of the Police, Mi= litary, media or Emergency Services made it. This could be just slackness o= r it could be the short time frame we had to work to. We could not send out= invites until we secured a venue and a guest speaker. Once that was done w= e did not have time to RSVP as it was only a few days before the event.
 
Despite the low numbers, the guest speaker did deliver his sp= eech and it generated some good discussion. This was not the usual Family C= ourt and CSA "misery loves company" material, but a few topics such as yout= h crime, the media and positive men in good roles for children.
 =
The RSL President is very keen to be involved next year and he has al= ready offered assistance. We plan to hit this again in August/Sept 2009 to = give us a few months lead in time to prepare a better event.
 I took some photos which I will send on down to you when I get them on t= he computer.
 
Overall, not a raging success, but a good ste= pping stone to next year's event. We have been on radio with this and we wi= ll advertise it again next year, so the seed is sown. Men organising on gen= der issues is something new for most men and it may take some selling.
 
Regards
Cameron Smyth.
International Men's Day
 

19 November 2008
International
 
Dear Father= hood Foundation
 
Thank you so much for mentioning Save Indi= an Family Foundation and our efforts in your newsletter.

Regard= s
Uma
______________________
 
Dear Fatherhood Fou= ndation
 
I recently came across a blog indicating support f= or International Men's Day.
Thanks for your support. I am from Trinid= ad and Tobago in the Caribbean and have been working for the past 10 ten ye= ars in promoting this day.
Many thanks for spreading the message to Sa= ve the Foundation groups in India and Pakistan.
 
RegardsJerome Teelucksingh
_____________________
 
Dear Gen= tlemen
 
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY!  
Ho= w are you?  Hopefully my note finds that all is well with each of you.=
 
I did not want too much time to elapse without thanking e= ach of you for providing me with the opportunity to collaborate with you on= the promotion of INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY!    I enjoyed work= ing with everyone!
 
Let's do it again in 2009!
 <= br />Best regards
Diane A. Sears
Managing Editor - IN SEARCH OF F= ATHERHOOD(R)
WEBSITE: www.bsi-in= ternational.com
BLOG: http://globalfatherhooddialogue.blogspot.com  
=
 
=
Dads4Kids
 Dads4KIds  Competition3D"Dads4Kids"
 =20

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Fatherhood Foundation is asking Australians to help Dads4K= ids with their ideas on how to solve the problems that Aus= tralian children face. Dads4Kids is an initiative of the Fatherhood Foundat= ion which is a harm prevention charity. Find out more information or enter = the Dads4Kids Competition.    
View Community Service A= nnouncements at:http://www.dads4kids.= org.au/Media     
 
 
The comments on the Dads4Kids website keep coming in. Competition closes 3= 0th November 2008.
 

Dad's Prayer

           &nbs= p;       3D"Camping"
 
By Kurt Kaiser =A9 1969
It only takes a spark to= get a fire going
And soon all those around can warm up to its glowing= .
That's how it is with God's love
Once you've experienced it,You spread his love to everyone
You want to pass it on.
What = a wondrous time is spring, when all the trees are budding.
The birds b= egin to sing, the flowers start their blooming.
That's how it is with = God's love, once you've experienced it.
You want to sing, it's fresh l= ike spring, you want to pass it on.
I wish for you, my friend, this ha= ppiness that I've found.
You can depend on him, it matters not where y= ou're bound.
I'll shout it from the mountaintop (praise God)
I wa= nt the world to know;
The Lord of love has come to me; I want to pass = it on.
I'll shout it from the mountaintop (praise God)
I want the= world to know;
The Lord of love has come to me; I want to pass it on= .
 
Editors Note: Frontline quotes fromKurt Kaiser's song "Pass it On" to = reinforce the theme of the power of ideas for this week's newsletter. The f= ull text is enclosed for our readers as Dad's Prayer for this week. 
Click on the link to = hear the melody.
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Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Pre= vention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been pro= ven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children b= y promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word an= d deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well= -being of their children and their children's mother.

 

If you would like to give financially t= o the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

 

Fatherhood Found= ation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be = emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)

 Westpac Branch Wollongong      &nb= sp;            =   DONATE ONLINE

BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558
 

Or mail cheque and address details to:<= br />PO Box 542
UNANDERRA  NSW&nbs= p; 2526
AUSTRALIA

 

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund&n= bsp; is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities u= nder Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.=

 

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This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by in= fo@fathersonline.org.
Fatherhood Foundati= on | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia
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