Received: from evaki.its.uow.edu.au (130.130.68.32) by staffmail.uow.edu.au (10.5.102.13) with Microsoft SMTP Server id 8.1.336.0; Sun, 28 Dec 2008 08:19:30 +1100 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by evaki.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1LGgZF-00074o-2t for blane@uow.edu.au; Sun, 28 Dec 2008 08:19:29 +1100 Received: from c3.confirmedcc.com (c3.confirmedcc.com [64.95.77.164]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.10.3-GA) with ESMTP id QEW66890; Sun, 28 Dec 2008 08:19:24 +1100 (EST) Received: from p2-ws508.ad.prodcc.net (unknown [10.252.0.101]) by c3.confirmedcc.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id BC54D34E85FA for ; Sat, 27 Dec 2008 16:00:36 -0500 (EST) From: Fatherhood Foundation To: Brian Lane Date: Sun, 28 Dec 2008 08:02:04 +1100 Subject: New Opportunities Thread-Topic: New Opportunities Thread-Index: AcloaM7Us94MSVMoTGG/7Of6qsQUqA== Message-ID: <1102382515076.1101938345415.1211.8.99160019@scheduler> List-Unsubscribe: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?p=un&v=001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-3d90mBLDU8ykFIL8-Y27VNRjKtZf_SQZGg== Reply-To: "info@fathersonline.org" Accept-Language: en-AU, en-US Content-Language: en-US X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthAs: Anonymous X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthSource: excasht03.ad.uow.edu.au X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: x-junkmail-status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au x-junkmail-sd-raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A150205.49569BE0.0076:SCFMA772204,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=64.95.77.164, so=2008-09-22 23:22:13, dmn=5.4.3/2007-10-18, mode=single engine x-junkmail-iwf: false x-return-path-hint: ESC1102382515076_1101938345415_1211@in.confirmedcc.com x-roving-id: 1101938345415.1211 x-lumos-senderid: 1101938345415 x-roving-campaignid: 1102382515076 x-roving-streamid: 0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="_000_110238251507611019383454151211899160019scheduler_" MIME-Version: 1.0 --_000_110238251507611019383454151211899160019scheduler_ Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/526.gif?a=3D1= 102382515076] [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/538.gif?a=3D1= 102382515076] 29th December 2008 Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families Issue 332 [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/stock1/3m9q9k8q.jpg] New Opportunities Dear Brian, Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information servi= ce for Fathers and Families as we present a New Opportunities In This Issue Frontline...Forgetting what is behind I press on Link...WOW! Laughter..What's your poison? Grandfathers...Don't lose sight of the shore! Single Dads...Stress leave All You Need is Love..Marriage Goals Special Feature...Creative Solutions News & Info..Holiday News Dad's Prayer..Help me admit my failures Next Week A Father's Love Join our Mailing List! [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/ftf_btn_1.gif] Quick Links Fatherhood Foundation Family Law Web Guide National Fatherhood Institute National Marriage Coalition Camp Connect Men's Katoomba Convention Fathersafterdivorce.com Steve Biddulph CSA Adverts [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/542.jpg?a=3D1= 102382515076] Thought of the Week [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/550.jpg?a=3D1= 102382515076]A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. Sir Francis Bacon Frontline [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/545.jpg?a=3D1= 102382515076]We have five fantastic children and we are not biased. People = often say to us that we must be great parents because of our children. To be frank, often we can only think of the mistakes that we have sometimes= made as parents; the times that we were either too strict or not strict en= ough; the times we have put in too many hours at the office or were unavail= able when our children needed us. Earlier this year my sixteen your old daughter was singing a solo at her Sc= hool Open Day. I had some pressing deadlines with the Dads4Kids Fatherhood = Foundation. My wife attended the function but I decided not to. Later I rea= lized I had made the wrong decision. Although the deadline was important it= could have been delayed a few hours. My daughter will soon leave home but = the deadlines will always beckon for my attention. One day I will walk my d= aughter down the aisle into the arms of another man and fulfil Paul Harvey'= s words, "Fathers are what give daughters away to other men who aren't near= ly good enough . . . so they can have grandchildren that are smarter than a= nybody's." There are many other areas that I have failed in as a father to my children= . I can always remember the comment of my friend Greg Jasper when I asked h= im what the secret was to his long lasting marriage, he said cryptically, "= A forgiving wife!" If I have a secret to my success as a father it would be= that my children have been very forgiving of my many mistakes as a father. This week I was communicating with Victor, a devoted father of three who ha= s been married for 26 years. My comments to him were, "Your story is not di= ssimilar to mine. My wife has put up with me for 33 years and I have 5 chil= dren who do the same. Fathering is an imperfect science that must be perfec= ted by imperfect people in an imperfect world and yet the expectation is th= at every father is perfect. If only our children knew." It is so easy to get discouraged with our often high-level-of-failure as a = less-than-perfect father. The good news is that another year is upon us and we each have the opportun= ity to wipe the hard drive clean, learn from our mistakes and make some fam= ily-friendly goals for the New Year. A few weeks ago I told you about one of my goals for the New Year in the ne= wsletter titled 'Love in Action'. I am trying to ditch the title of 'Mum's = Taxi' for the family car and to run the children around myself. I am trying= to use those opportunities with my children for active communication - bot= h listening and talking but, hopefully, more listening than talking. Maybe = we can rename the car at the end of 2009 as 'Dad's Taxi'. So what am I saying? You can't live in the past. You can't change the past but you can change the future. The future always starts now. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. The New Year, 2009, is the first year of the rest of the years of your life= . St Paul said, 'Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahea= d I press on." Isaiah said, 'Forget the former things, do not dwell on them= ." It is easy to get stuck in the past but living in the land of regrets wi= ll not do your children any good. You have to seize the moment and seize th= e year. Learn from your mistakes but get back up again and press on in the wonderfu= l adventure that is called Family. Lovework[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/544.j= pg?a=3D1102382515076] As Henry Ford said, "Failure is the power to begin again more intelligently= ." Contemplate your goals for 2009. Write them down in your diary. Make sure your relational goals are at the top of the list and use St Paul'= s inspiration: Forgetting what is behind . . . I press on! Yours for New Opportunities Warwick Marsh ____________________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 33 years. He is the grandfath= er of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ran= ging in age from 28 years to 16 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, = producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himsel= f. Links of the Week WOW! Laughter [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/543.jpg?a=3D1= 102382515076]There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He s= tays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver st= eps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just= joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man = crying." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep,= and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave = the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can = do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I le= ft my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go = home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an= end to my life, you show up and drink my poison." Grandfathers [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/546.jpg?a=3D1= 102382515076] You can never cross the ocean unless you lose sight of the shore. Christopher Columbus Single Dads [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/547.jpg?a=3D1= 102382515076]Right now I am on 6 weeks stress leave, cant cope, maybe burnt= out - yes burnt out. I am in a hole at present but I am digging out. Somet= imes life is just like that. I want to tell you a story because, as I write, a Christmas tree is right a= cross the room staring at me. You may read this after Christmas but still i= t is relevant. I have told the story many times but still it is relevant. A= s millions, yes millions read this site:- www.dadsindistress.asn.au - many may not have read it before. Christmas should be every day not just one day. As a Christian I celebrate = the birth of Jesus. Whatever your belief, I respect that, but even as a Chr= istian, I find it hard to understand that people seem to be kinder or more = thoughtful (me included) at Christmas, so why not all year? But the story I want to tell is not about Jesus but maybe about some of his= unsuspecting helpers. Many years ago at the beginning of starting dads in distress, it was coming= up to Christmas. As a newly separated dad I was broke and told this to a '= dids' group I was attending at the time, that it was going to be a very poo= r Christmas that year. I had no money for presents for my kids, I had no mo= ney for Christmas dinner, in fact I had no money for anything. Funny all th= ese years later things haven't changed much. Anyway I happened to mention this fact at a 'dids' meeting to a bunch of bl= okes I didn't know very well at the time. As it turned out they decided to = put on a BBQ just the week before Christmas. At the time I was living under= a house in an old artist's studio. It was just one room, the kitchen was a= dirt floor with an artist basin for a sink, there was no hot water or show= er. In fact, I used to shower where I worked cleaning channel Ten studios n= ear where I lived. Don't tell them. To cut a long story short, these blokes brought the sausages and some broug= ht a plate of something or other. One bloke turned up with a plastic Chris= tmas tree and plonked it in what was my lounge room at the time, the corner= of the one room. Slowly, one by one, these blokes who I hardly knew, broug= ht presents wrapped in Christmas paper - all with a card or sticker attache= d and addressed to my kids 'love from dad.' My kids didn't know it but that= year they had many dads, many who were suffering an unjust system themselv= es and many who are still suffering, yet they looked after me and my kids. Well it's about 8 or so years down the track and I still have that same tre= e. It's worn and its battered and my kids look at me in horror as I drag it= out year after year. But you know what? I just don't have the heart to thr= ow it away. Many things have changed over the years, but the injustice hasn= 't and the memory of what those blokes did for me that year hasn't either. = My kids still don't know what took place that year, one day maybe when I am= dead and gone they will read this and realise that Australian mateship was= still alive back then. The tree still stands even though I live in a caravan these days. With all = its tinsel and bells and decorations it's just as grand as the day it was g= iven to me, maybe a little worn, maybe a little torn, but more so are the = memories of how and why it was given to me. I still see some of those bloke= s, many I haven't spoke to for years, a few I spoke to just earlier tonight= . And you know what? Many have moved on to better places in their lives and= I like to think 'dids' made a difference because I can tell you, it made a= difference to my life. It kept me alive when I felt there was no hope. It = gave me meaning and above all else it showed me that mateship hadn't died a= fter all. You know Christ didn't walk with the healthy, wealthy and the wise, he walk= ed with the sick and the dying, the unhealthy, the unclean, yet he offered = hope, he offered salvation. Now I am not going to get all religious on you,= but if you are doing it tough this Christmas, a word or two to the Bigfell= a to help you out may just help; in fact I know it will. Failing all else t= here's a 'dids' meeting somewhere near you with a bunch of blokes who won't= preach but who will be your mate. I want to thank each and every one of the volunteers and staff for getting = the message out there that there is hope, that there is mateship still aliv= e and well in this country, that there is light at the end of the tunnel an= d it's not a train coming. I have lit a candle for each of you so your kid= s can find a way back to dad and maybe just maybe you can see the light too= . To all who read and contribute to this website wherever you are in the worl= d may God as you see him bring you peace and happiness and remember kindnes= s and compassion is the rent we must pay for this space we inhabit on this = earth. Are you up to date with your rent? I know I am still behind with min= e. Tony Miller dids www.dadsindistress.asn.au All You Need is Love [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/stock1/0x7v8d7v.jpg] How to Set Goals for Your Marriage LeAnne Benfield Martin Crosswalk.com - Contributing Writer We set goals at work to increase our sales numbers or productivity, in the = community to raise funds for worthy causes, and on a personal level to impr= ove the quality of our lives. We know the value of working toward goals bec= ause we've seen what can be accomplished when we're focused. So why not set= goals for marriage, too? Good as Goal Four years ago, Karen and Charles O'Connor attended a marriage seminar that= emphasized goals. "Our marriage was transformed - truly - by choosing to s= et goals and then following through," says Karen. Setting goals together helps couples strengthen their relationship by worki= ng as a team toward a common purpose. It helps partners better understand t= hemselves and each other and leads to greater fulfillment both in the marri= age and personally. Goal-setting also improves communication because it giv= es each person a chance to talk about personal dreams and desires. Aletha and Raymond Oglesby agree. When they set goals together, she says, "= Each person gets heard and gets their needs validated. It cuts down on a lo= t of misunderstanding, resentment and conflict." It also makes them account= able to each other. Setting marriage goals can put you and your partner on the same path, movin= g forward arm in arm. But where do you begin? Ways to Goal Make an appointment with each other to work through these steps without int= erruption. 1. Brainstorm. Create an atmosphere where you both feel free to talk about = your dreams and desires. Ask yourselves, "Wouldn't it be nice if we...?" So= me ideas might include attending a marriage conference, renovating your kit= chen, or saving money for that dream vacation. 2. Be specific. Aletha and Raymond wanted to spend more time with each oth= er. "We established specific times to be together like lunch every Tuesday = and a monthly night out that we actually planned in advance and put on the = calendar," she says. Karen and Charles agreed to share cooking, cleaning, and household repairs = so neither of them carried the whole burden. In addition, they set a goal t= o make two extra mortgage payments a year to pay off their condo within ten= years. Financial planning also motivated Dena and Carey Dyer. A few years ago, the= y decided to eat out less often and pay off their credit card so, Dena says= , "we would not feel stressed financially." 3. Write it down. Getting your goals on paper helps to clarify them and to = avoid confusion later. On your list, include target dates for accomplishing= each one, and put the list where you will see it often - on your desk or w= all, in your car, or attached to your bedroom mirror, as one couple did. 4. Be flexible. Is your goal unrealistic? Revise it. "If something isn't wo= rking," Aletha says, "we reconsider it and set a new goal." 5. Create a mission statement. Marriage and family counselor Roger Bolton s= ays that when couples marry, they often end up drifting through life withou= t a plan. He suggests that couples create a mission statement for their mar= riage. "Ask yourselves: where do we want to be in 30 years? Then use your m= ission statement to help you set goals." 6. Look back. As you move ahead, don't forget to review periodically what y= ou've achieved. Virelle and Steve Kidder set aside January 1st to look at t= he past year's goals and set new ones for the new year. Then on July 4th th= ey review their progress and make adjustments if necessary. When you reach milestones along the way, take time to enjoy that feeling of= accomplishment. Reward yourselves with a night out or a weekend away. Cele= brating a goal reached will encourage you to keep going. And if you fall short, don't give up. Make sure your goals are realistic an= d attainable, and don't try to do everything at once. Even if you only achi= eve part of your list, you have achieved more than you did before. Take pri= de in your efforts. The rewards are sweet: a stronger relationship, better communication, great= er intimacy and fulfillment, and the satisfaction of looking back at all yo= u accomplished together. Freelance writer LeAnne Benfield Martin has been published in many magazine= s. She enjoys writing and speaking about many topics, especially the arts a= nd the beauty around us. Check out her blog on Christians in the Arts at ww= w.leannebenfieldmartin.com Special Feature [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/548.jpg= ?a=3D1102382515076] Creative Solutions Using Goal Setting =A9 Beverley Paine The problem of logistical hurdles seldom prevents me from doing whatever I = want to do. I've developed a practical way of thinking over the years that = says that if something isn't happening then perhaps the obstacles are the l= essons I need to focus on, rather than the desire. In this way I've learned= much about my limitations and how to accept them. From that platform of se= lf-knowledge I either concentrate on my existing skills and talents, and im= prove them, or work out gentle ways to challenge and extend those areas of = limitation. Where logistical hurdles force a complete stop to all activity in a particu= lar direction, I examine the causes objectively and usually find that the d= esire was inappropriate or unrealistic in the first place. For example, I wanted to go to University about ten years ago, but the cour= se I chose necessitated learning on campus. This meant renting a house in t= he city and coming home on weekends, at considerable inconvenience to other= family members and something we couldn't afford. Over three months I worke= d hard to create this reality, but eventually came to see that I wasn't rea= dy to push in that direction yet. In fact, the desire to study at Universit= y was externally driven. I could achieve the same results by self-education= , without leaving home, with greater efficiency. While searching for a crea= tive solution to facilitate my desire I realised what motivated me, and wha= t I really wanted to achieve. I learned more about myself. Since then I tend to analyse logistical problems and ask 'why have I create= d this block', acknowledging and celebrating the way logistical problems na= turally slow down the headlong rush down paths that may not suit, or may be= externally motivated. If it becomes apparent that I actually want the orig= inal goal, that it is my heart's desire, then logistical problems seem to e= vaporate in a cloud of creative solutions that pop out of nowhere. Things h= appen, and quickly. The universe provides, abundantly. I trust in this proc= ess. Experience has shown it truly works. Often conflict is embedded in the process. Things seem to go wrong, or beco= me difficult. I celebrate conflict as the sharp end of the learning curve. = If I am observant and objective enough I learn rapidly. With a positive att= itude, problems become solutions, usually to issues I hadn't recognised ini= tially. This positive attitude was tested to the limit with my sister's illness and= eventual death. Instead of focusing on unrealistic goals I did my utmost t= o learn the difficult lessons this time provided for me. Each obstacle chal= lenged me to grow. Often I couldn't see the nature of the lessons until I r= eflected upon them much later, with an objective mind. My sister's life bec= ame a gift of self-development for me, in ways that I had not anticipated. Setting realistic goals is important. A few years ago we made a wish list a= t New Year. As the year passed we crossed off the goals achieved. All but t= he most unrealistic, like winning the Lotto or owning a $500,000 car, were = realised. The desire for a swimming pool was realised in an unexpected, but= delightful way. We purchased an adequate inflatable paddling pool for $60 = that we could all sit in and cool off - the real desire behind our need for= a pool. Last year I found a list of long-term goals I'd recorded in 1986. Ninety pe= rcent of those goals have been achieved. The ones that weren't didn't accur= ately reflect who we were as people, but were externally motivated by the n= eed to conform or please others. The same holds true for our lists of tasks= we complete on a daily basis. The realistic ones get done. I think this is= because we continuously reflect upon who we are, what we want, and what ou= r limitations, talents and abilities are. We also reflect upon how the worl= d affects us, through peer group pressure, media exposure, cultural rituals= and so on. Sorting out the externally driven motivations and desires from = the personally meaningful internally driven motivation and desires can be d= ifficult, but it certainly makes a difference to how and when goals are ach= ieved. http://homeschoolaustralia.beverleypaine.com/articles/goalsetting.ht= ml Have a homeschooling question? Become a member of the friendly Homeschool H= omeschool Australia Frequently Asked Questions email group. Visit Homeschool Australia for more original cont= ent. No time to visit the site? Subscribe to the free Homeschooling Austral= ia Newsletter. Visit www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au for a great ra= nge of homeschooling, unschooling and books on natural learning! News & Info [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/549.jpg?a= =3D1102382515076] SYDNEY MEN'S FESTIVAL JAN 2009 Sunday 11 to Sunday 18 Jan 2009 Venue: 'Yaraandoo', 28 Nollands Road Fiddletown, Arcadia (near Hornsby) For more details: http://www.sydneymensfestival.org.au ____________________ Father & son adventures of a lifetime ... at half price A very generous North Queensland man who wishes to remain anonymous, sees t= he difference that 'Fathering Adventures' can make in the life of a young m= an, a family, and in fact our society as a whole for generations to come. H= e has offered $2,400 i.e. two (2) half sponsorships to assist fathers and s= ons who would not normally be able to participate in such an experience due= to financial hardship. Couple that with the Rudd Government's stimulus pac= kage payment to families of $1,000 per child, and you will only be out of p= ocket $200 plus the cost of two (2) return airfares to Townsville, North Qu= eensland. 'Fathering Adventures' operates out of the stunning beauty of Tropical Nort= h Queensland. Our next 5-night father-son adventure will be held from Satur= day afternoon, July 4th to Thursday morning, July 9th 2009. The minimum age= requirement for the 'sons' is 13 years, and there is no upper age limit. W= e are limiting these 5-night adventures to a maximum of 12 father & son pai= rs. A typical day features an exceptional full-day, professionally-guided o= utdoor adventure / activity e.g. white-water rafting down the Tully River, = snorkelling and glass-bottom boat viewing on the outer Great Barrier Reef, = dual sea kayaking between Mission Beach and Dunk Island, and hiking to the = summit of Mount Tyson. The outdoor adventures / activities selected cater f= or all fitness levels. A typical evening features a multimedia presentation= and small group interaction on topics such as 'Authentic Manhood versus Co= nventional Manhood', and 'The Four Marks of a Real Man', followed by time r= elaxing around the fire sharing stories of the day's adventures. Far more d= etail can be found at the website www.fatheringadventures.com.au . To apply for sponsorship, please email me at darren@fatheringadventures.com= .au giving a brief explanation o= f your current family, and financial situation, and why it would be benefic= ial to your son and your relationship with him, for 'Fathering Adventures' = to offer your family a sponsorship package. Please ensure sponsorship reque= sts are kept to just one page in length. All requests will be read and cons= idered. [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/551.jpg?a=3D= 1102382515076] Alternatively, if your financial situation is such that you or your busines= s are able to contribute to offering financial support to others through th= e 'Fathering Adventures' sponsorship fund, then please also contact me at d= arren@fatheringadventures.com.au = , as I'd love to hear from you too. Strength and Honour Darren Lewis www.fatheringadventures.com.au 07 4723 2941 Darren has been married to his beautiful wife Melissa for 17 years, and is = father to his four courageous sons, ranging in age from 14 years to 5 years= . Darren has not given up on his desire to live life to the full. ________________________________ HOLIDAY READING Order 'Daughters & their Dads' by Dr Bruce Robinson for only $35 (includes = P&H). 'This book is brilliant. It is the best book I have ever read on daughters = and their dads without a shadow of a doubt. It is a must read book for ever= y daughter and every dad'. Warwick Marsh Limited numbers of this exceptional book are available. Email: info@fatherhood.org.au to order your= copy. ________________________________ Story Links PHD request for Dads My name is Rhonda Stoertebecker and I am a PhD student at Griffith Universi= ty Mt Gravatt and looking to survey dads. Christmas Classes on Divorce Workshops on coping with divorce, dealing with anxiety and making friends a= re all on the school-holiday program list for children this Christmas break= . Dad's Prayer [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/stock1/8h9d4n5j.jpg] Dear God Christopher Columbus said: You can never cross the ocean Unless you lose sight of the shore. He 'discovered' America in 1492. Help me lose sight of the shore of my own failure and weakness as a father and press on to be the father I was meant to be. My children often see me as perfect, especially when they are younger. Help me to be honest enough to admit my failures to them but still 'make more opportunities than I find', as Sir Bacon said. Maybe that will make me a wise man. Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of h= arm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in f= athering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, pr= otective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and thei= r children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public F= und and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax ded= uctibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong DONATE ONLINE BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 542 UNANDERRA NSW 2526 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Regis= ter of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax = Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscri= bed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receiv= e future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below. Forward email [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/safe_unsubscribe_logo.gif] This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by info@fathersonline.org. Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe(tm) | Pri= vacy Policy. Email Marketing= by [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/cc-logo-color-sm.gif] Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia --_000_110238251507611019383454151211899160019scheduler_ Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
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3D"Dads4Kids
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3D"Xmas
 
 29th  December 2008     = Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families = ; Issue 332
 

 

 

 
New Opportunities
Dear Brian,
Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information = service for Fathers and Families as we present a New Opportunities
=09
In This Issue
Frontline...Forgetting what is behind I press on
Link...WOW!
Laughter..What's your poison?
Grandfathers...Don't lose sight of the shore!
Single Dads...Stress leave
All You Need is Love..Marriage Goals
Special Feature...Creative Solutions
News & Info..Holiday News
Dad's Prayer..Help me admit my failures
Next Week&nb= sp;
A Father's= Love
 =09 =09
 
Join our Mailing List!
 
Quick Links
=09
 Thought of the Week
 
3D"Wiseman"A wise man will make more opportuni= ties than he finds.
 
S= ir Francis Bacon
 
Frontline
=
3D"HappyWe have five fantastic children and we are not biased. People of= ten say to us that we must be great parents because of our children.
&= nbsp;
To be frank, often we can only think of the mistakes that we hav= e sometimes made as parents; the times that we were either too strict or no= t strict enough; the times we have put in too many hours at the office or w= ere unavailable when our children needed us.
 
Earlier this = year my sixteen your old daughter was singing a solo at her School Open Day= . I had some pressing deadlines with the Dads4Kids Fatherhood Foundation. M= y wife attended the function but I decided not to. Later I realized I had m= ade the wrong decision. Although the deadline was important it could have b= een delayed a few hours. My daughter will soon leave home but the deadlines= will always beckon for my attention. One day I will walk my daughter down = the aisle into the arms of another man and fulfil Paul Harvey's words, "Fat= hers are what give daughters away to other men who aren't nearly good enoug= h . . . so they can have grandchildren that are smarter than anybody's." 
There are many other areas that I have failed in as a father= to my children. I can always remember the comment of my friend Greg Jasper= when I asked him what the secret was to his long lasting marriage, he said= cryptically, "A forgiving wife!" If I have a secret to my success as a fat= her it would be that my children have been very forgiving of my many mistak= es as a father.
 
This week I was communicating with Victor,= a devoted father of three who has been married for 26 years. My comments t= o him were, "Your story is not dissimilar to mine. My wife has put up with = me for 33 years and I have 5 children who do the same. Fathering is an impe= rfect science that must be perfected by imperfect people in an imperfect wo= rld and yet the expectation is that every father is perfect. If only our ch= ildren knew."
 
It is so easy to get discouraged with our of= ten high-level-of-failure as a less-than-perfect father.
 
T= he good news is that another year is upon us and we each have the opportuni= ty to wipe the hard drive clean, learn from our mistakes and make some fami= ly-friendly goals for the New Year.
 
A few weeks ago I told= you about one of my goals for the New Year in the newsletter titled 'Love = in Action'. I am trying to ditch the title of 'Mum's Taxi' for the family c= ar and to run the children around myself. I am trying to use those opportun= ities with my children for active communication - both listening and talkin= g but, hopefully, more listening than talking. Maybe we can rename the car = at the end of 2009 as 'Dad's Taxi'.
 
So what am I saying? 
You can't live in the past.
You can't change the past= but you can change the future.
The future always starts now.
T= oday is the first day of the rest of your life.
The New Year, 2009, is= the first year of the rest of the years of your life.
 
St = Paul said, 'Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead I= press on." Isaiah said, 'Forget the former things, do not dwell on them." = It is easy to get stuck in the past but living in the land of regrets will = not do your children any good. You have to seize the moment and seize the y= ear.
 
Learn from your mistakes but get back up again and pr= ess on in the wonderful adventure that is called Family.
 
<= strong>Lovework3D"Baby
 
As Henry Ford said, "Failure is the power to begin a= gain more intelligently."
 
Contemplate your goals for 2009.=
Write them down in your diary.
Make sure your relational goals a= re at the top of the list and use St Paul's inspiration:
 
F= orgetting what is behind . . . I press on!
 
Yours for New O= pportunities
Warwick Marsh
  
____________________= ________________________________________________

Warwick Marsh&n= bsp; has been married to Alison for 33 years. He is the gran= dfather of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl= , ranging in age from 28 years to 16 years.  Warwick is a musicia= n, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still = laugh at himself.
Links of the Week
 
Laughter
=

3D"HapyThere's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drin= k. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck dr= iver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it al= l down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Com= e on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't= stand seeing a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This day is th= e worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My bos= s, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found ou= t it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return = home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards ther= e. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find = my wife sleeping with the gardener.=20
 
I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking= about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
<= br />
Grandfathers
3D"Man&n= bsp;=20
 
You can never cross the ocean unless you lose sight of the= shore.
 
Christopher Columbus

Single Dads
3D"ManRight now I am on = 6 weeks stress leave, cant cope, maybe burnt out - yes burnt out. I am in a= hole at present but I am digging out. Sometimes life is just like that.  
I want to tell you a story because, as I write, a Christmas= tree is right across the room staring at me. You may read this after Chris= tmas but still it is relevant. I have told the story many times but still i= t is relevant. As millions, yes millions read this site:- www.dadsindistress.asn.au - many may not have= read it before. 
 
Christmas should be every day not = just one day. As a Christian I celebrate the birth of Jesus. Whatever your = belief, I respect that, but even as a Christian, I find it hard to understa= nd that people seem to be kinder or more thoughtful (me included) at Christ= mas, so why not all year?
 
But the story I want to tell is = not about Jesus but maybe about some of his unsuspecting helpers.
&nbs= p;
Many years ago at the beginning of starting dads in distress, it wa= s coming up to Christmas. As a newly separated dad I was broke and told thi= s to a 'dids' group I was attending at the time, that it was going to be a = very poor Christmas that year. I had no money for presents for my kids, I h= ad no money for Christmas dinner, in fact I had no money for anything. Funn= y all these years later things haven't changed much.
 
Anywa= y I happened to mention this fact at a 'dids' meeting to a bunch of blokes = I didn't know very well at the time. As it turned out they decided to put o= n a BBQ just the week before Christmas. At the time I was living under a ho= use in an old artist's studio. It was just one room, the kitchen was a dirt= floor with an artist basin for a sink, there was no hot water or shower. I= n fact, I used to shower where I worked cleaning channel Ten studios near w= here I lived. Don't tell them.
 
To cut a long story short,&= nbsp;these blokes brought the sausages and some brought a plate of som= ething or other.  One bloke turned up with a plastic Christmas tree an= d plonked it in what was my lounge room at the time, the corner of the one = room. Slowly, one by one, these blokes who I hardly knew, brought presents = wrapped in Christmas paper - all with a card or sticker attached and addres= sed to my kids 'love from dad.' My kids didn't know it but that year they h= ad many dads, many who were suffering an unjust system themselves and many = who are still suffering, yet they looked after me and my kids.
 <= br />Well it's about 8 or so years down the track and I still have that sam= e tree. It's worn and its battered and my kids look at me in horror as I dr= ag it out year after year. But you know what? I just don't have the heart t= o throw it away. Many things have changed over the years, but the injustice= hasn't and the memory of what those blokes did for me that year hasn't eit= her. My kids still don't know what took place that year, one day maybe when= I am dead and gone they will read this and realise that Australian mateshi= p was still alive back then.
 
The tree still stands even th= ough I live in a caravan these days. With all its tinsel and bells and deco= rations it's just as grand as the day it was given to me, maybe a little wo= rn, maybe a  little torn, but more so are the memories of how and why = it was given to me. I still see some of those blokes, many I have= n't spoke to for years, a few I spoke to just earlier tonight. And you know= what? Many have moved on to better places in their lives and I like to thi= nk 'dids' made a difference because I can tell you, it made a difference to= my life. It kept me alive when I felt there was no hope. It gave me meanin= g and above all else it showed me that mateship hadn't died after all.
 
You know Christ didn't walk with the healthy, wealthy and= the wise, he walked with the sick and the dying, the unhealthy, the unclea= n, yet he offered hope, he offered salvation. Now I am not going to get all= religious on you, but if you are doing it tough this Christmas, a word or = two to the Bigfella to help you out may just help; in fact I know it will. = Failing all else there's a 'dids' meeting somewhere near you with a bunch o= f blokes who won't preach but who will be your mate.
 
I wan= t to thank each and every one of the volunteers and staff for getting the m= essage out there that there is hope, that there is mateship still alive and= well in this country, that there is light at the end of the tunnel and it'= s not a train coming.  I have lit a candle for each of you so your kid= s can find a way back to dad and maybe just maybe you can see the light too= .
 
To all who read and contribute to this website wherever= you are in the world may God as you see him bring you peace and happiness = and remember kindness and compassion is the rent we must pay for this space= we inhabit on this earth. Are you up to date with your rent? I know I am s= till behind with mine.
 
Tony Miller dids
www.dadsindistress.asn.au 
All You Nee= d is Love
 
How to Set Goals for Your Marriage
LeAnne Benfield Martin
Crosswalk.com - Contributing Writer<= br /> 
We set goals at work to increase our sales numbers or prod= uctivity, in the community to raise funds for worthy causes, and on a perso= nal level to improve the quality of our lives. We know the value of working= toward goals because we've seen what can be accomplished when we're focuse= d. So why not set goals for marriage, too?
 
Good a= s Goal
 
Four years ago, Karen and Charles O'Connor= attended a marriage seminar that emphasized goals. "Our marriage was trans= formed - truly - by choosing to set goals and then following through," says= Karen.
 
Setting goals together helps couples strengthen th= eir relationship by working as a team toward a common purpose. It helps par= tners better understand themselves and each other and leads to greater fulf= illment both in the marriage and personally. Goal-setting also improves com= munication because it gives each person a chance to talk about personal dre= ams and desires.
 
Aletha and Raymond Oglesby agree. When th= ey set goals together, she says, "Each person gets heard and gets their nee= ds validated. It cuts down on a lot of misunderstanding, resentment and con= flict." It also makes them accountable to each other.
 
Sett= ing marriage goals can put you and your partner on the same path, moving fo= rward arm in arm. But where do you begin?
 
Ways to = Goal
 
Make an appointment with each other to work = through these steps without interruption.
 
1. Brainstorm. = Create an atmosphere where you both feel free to talk about your dreams and= desires. Ask yourselves, "Wouldn't it be nice if we...?" Some ideas might = include attending a marriage conference, renovating your kitchen, or saving= money for that dream vacation.
 
2.  Be specific. Alet= ha and Raymond wanted to spend more time with each other. "We established s= pecific times to be together like lunch every Tuesday and a monthly night o= ut that we actually planned in advance and put on the calendar," she says.<= br /> 
Karen and Charles agreed to share cooking, cleaning, and h= ousehold repairs so neither of them carried the whole burden. In addition, = they set a goal to make two extra mortgage payments a year to pay off their= condo within ten years.
 
Financial planning also motivate= d Dena and Carey Dyer. A few years ago, they decided to eat out less often = and pay off their credit card so, Dena says, "we would not feel stressed fi= nancially."
 
3. Write it down. Getting your goals on paper = helps to clarify them and to avoid confusion later. On your list, include t= arget dates for accomplishing each one, and put the list where you will see= it often - on your desk or wall, in your car, or attached to your bed= room mirror, as one couple did.
 
4. Be flexible. Is your g= oal unrealistic? Revise it. "If something isn't working," Aletha says, "we = reconsider it and set a new goal."
 
5. Create a mission sta= tement. Marriage and family counselor Roger Bolton says that when couples m= arry, they often end up drifting through life without a plan. He suggests t= hat couples create a mission statement for their marriage. "Ask yourselves:= where do we want to be in 30 years? Then use your mission statement to hel= p you set goals."
 
6. Look back. As you move ahead, don't f= orget to review periodically what you've achieved. Virelle and Steve Kidder= set aside January 1st to look at the past year's goals and set new ones fo= r the new year. Then on July 4th they review their progress and make adjust= ments if necessary.
 
When you reach milestones along the wa= y, take time to enjoy that feeling of accomplishment. Reward yourselves wit= h a night out or a weekend away. Celebrating a goal reached will encourage = you to keep going.
 
And if you fall short, don't give up. M= ake sure your goals are realistic and attainable, and don't try to do every= thing at once. Even if you only achieve part of your list, you have achieve= d more than you did before. Take pride in your efforts.
 
Th= e rewards are sweet: a stronger relationship, better communication, greater= intimacy and fulfillment, and the satisfaction of looking back at all you = accomplished together.
 
Freelance writer LeAnne Benfiel= d Martin has been published in many magazines. She enjoys writing and speak= ing about many topics, especially the arts and the beauty around us. Check = out her blog on Christians in the Arts at www.leannebenfieldmartin.com 
=09

Special Feature

      3D"Family
Creative Solutions = Using Goal Setting
=A9 Beverley Paine
The proble= m of logistical hurdles seldom prevents me from doing whatever I want to do= . I've developed a practical way of thinking over the years that says that = if something isn't happening then perhaps the obstacles are the lessons I n= eed to focus on, rather than the desire. In this way I've learned much abou= t my limitations and how to accept them. From that platform of self-knowled= ge I either concentrate on my existing skills and talents, and improve them= , or work out gentle ways to challenge and extend those areas of limitation= .
Where logistical hurdles force a complete stop to all activity in a= particular direction, I examine the causes objectively and usually find th= at the desire was inappropriate or unrealistic in the first place.=20
 

For example, I wanted to go to University about ten = years ago, but the course I chose necessitated learning on campus. This mea= nt renting a house in the city and coming home on weekends, at considerable= inconvenience to other family members and something we couldn't afford. Ov= er three months I worked hard to create this reality, but eventually came t= o see that I wasn't ready to push in that direction yet. In fact, the desir= e to study at University was externally driven. I could achieve the same re= sults by self-education, without leaving home, with greater efficiency. Whi= le searching for a creative solution to facilitate my desire I realised wha= t motivated me, and what I really wanted to achieve. I learned more about m= yself.=20
 

Since then I tend to analyse logistical problems and= ask 'why have I created this block', acknowledging and celebrating the way= logistical problems naturally slow down the headlong rush down paths that = may not suit, or may be externally motivated. If it becomes apparent that I= actually want the original goal, that it is my heart's desire, then logist= ical problems seem to evaporate in a cloud of creative solutions that pop o= ut of nowhere. Things happen, and quickly. The universe provides, abundantl= y. I trust in this process. Experience has shown it truly works.=20
 

Often conflict is embedded in the process. Things se= em to go wrong, or become difficult. I celebrate conflict as the sharp end = of the learning curve. If I am observant and objective enough I learn rapid= ly. With a positive attitude, problems become solutions, usually to issues = I hadn't recognised initially.
This positive attitude was tested to t= he limit with my sister's illness and eventual death. Instead of focusing o= n unrealistic goals I did my utmost to learn the difficult lessons this tim= e provided for me. Each obstacle challenged me to grow. Often I couldn't se= e the nature of the lessons until I reflected upon them much later, with an= objective mind. My sister's life became a gift of self-development for me,= in ways that I had not anticipated.=20
 

Setting realistic goals is important. A few years ag= o we made a wish list at New Year. As the year passed we crossed off the go= als achieved. All but the most unrealistic, like winning the Lotto or ownin= g a $500,000 car, were realised. The desire for a swimming pool was realise= d in an unexpected, but delightful way. We purchased an adequate inflatable= paddling pool for $60 that we could all sit in and cool off - the real des= ire behind our need for a pool.=20
 

Last year I found a list of long-term goals I'd reco= rded in 1986. Ninety percent of those goals have been achieved. The ones th= at weren't didn't accurately reflect who we were as people, but were extern= ally motivated by the need to conform or please others. The same holds true= for our lists of tasks we complete on a daily basis. The realistic ones ge= t done. I think this is because we continuously reflect upon who we are, wh= at we want, and what our limitations, talents and abilities are. We also re= flect upon how the world affects us, through peer group pressure, media exp= osure, cultural rituals and so on. Sorting out the externally driven motiva= tions and desires from the personally meaningful internally driven motivati= on and desires can be difficult, but it certainly makes a difference to how= and when goals are achieved. http://homeschoolaustr= alia.beverleypaine.com/articles/goalsetting.html  
 
Have a homeschooling question? Become a member of the frie= ndly Homeschool Homeschool Australia Frequently A= sked Questions email group. Visit Homeschool Australia for more origina= l content. No time to visit the site? Subscribe to the free Homeschooling Australia Newsletter.=20
 
Visit = www.alwayslearningbooks.com.au  for a great range of homeschooling= , unschooling and books on natural learning!
<= /tr>
News & Info
=
  =   3D"Santa


SYDNEY MEN'S FESTIVAL
JAN 2009
 
Sunday 11 to Sunday = 18 Jan 2009
Venue: 'Yaraandoo',
28 Nollands Road
Fiddletow= n, Arcadia (near Hornsby)
For more details: http://www.sydneymensfestival.org.au   
____= ________________
 
 
Fath= er & son adventures of a lifetime
... at half price
 
A very generous N= orth Queensland man who wishes to remain anonymous, sees the difference tha= t 'Fathering Adventures' can make in the life of a young man, a family, and= in fact our society as a whole for generations to come. He has offered $2,= 400 i.e. two (2) half sponsorships to assist fathers and sons who would not= normally be able to participate in such an experience due to financial har= dship. Couple that with the Rudd Government's stimulus package payment to f= amilies of $1,000 per child, and you will only be out of pocket $200 plus t= he cost of two (2) return airfares to Townsville, North Queensland.
&n= bsp;
'Fathering Adventures' operates out of the stunning beauty o= f Tropical North Queensland. Our next 5-night father-son adventur= e will be held from Saturday afternoon, July 4th to Thursday= morning, July 9th 2009. The minimum age requirement for the 'son= s' is 13 years, and there is no upper age limit. We are limiting = these 5-night adventures to a maximum of 12 father & son pairs. A typical d= ay features an exceptional full-day, professionally-guided outdoor adventur= e / activity e.g. white-water rafting down the Tully River, snorkelling and= glass-bottom boat viewing on the outer Great Barrier Reef, dual sea kayaki= ng between Mission Beach and Dunk Island, and hiking to the summit of Mount= Tyson. The outdoor adventures / activities selected cater for all fitness = levels. A typical evening features a multimedia presentation and small grou= p interaction on topics such as 'Authentic Manhood versus Conventional Manh= ood', and 'The Four Marks of a Real Man', followed by time relaxing around = the fire sharing stories of the day's adventures. Far more detail = ;can be found at the website www.fatheringadventures.com.au .
 
To apply for sp= onsorship, please email me at darren@fatheringadventures.com.au  givin= g a brief explanation of your current family, and financial situation, and = why it would be beneficial to your son and your relationship with him, for = 'Fathering Adventures' to offer your family a sponsorship package. Please e= nsure sponsorship requests are kept to just one page in length. All request= s will be read and considered.
 3D"Father_son_rafting"
Alternatively, if your financial situation = is such that you or your business are able to contribute to offering financ= ial support to others through the 'Fathering Adventures' sponsorship fund, = then please also contact me at darren@fatheringadventures.com.au  , as= I'd love to hear from you too.
 
Strength and Honour
D= arren Lewis
www.fa= theringadventures.com.au
07 4723 2941
 
Darren has= been married to his beautiful wife Melissa for 17 years, and is father to = his four courageous sons, ranging in age from 14 years to 5 years. Darren h= as not given up on his desire to live life to the full.
 
__= ______________________________
 
HO= LIDAY READING
 
Order 'Daughters & their Dad= s' by Dr Bruce Robinson for only $35 (includes P&H).
 
'This= book is brilliant. It is the best book I have ever read on daughters and t= heir dads without a shadow of a doubt. It is a must read book for every dau= ghter and every dad'. Warwick Marsh
 
Limited numbers of thi= s exceptional book are available.
Email: info@fatherhood.org.au  to order yo= ur copy.
________________________________
 
Story Links
 
 PHD request for Dads  <= /div>
 
My name is Rhonda Stoertebecker and I am a PhD student at Griffith Uni= versity Mt Gravatt and looking to survey dads.
Christmas Classes on Divorce =
Workshops on coping with divorce, dealing with anxiety and making fri= ends are all on the school-holiday program list for children this Christmas= break. 

Dad's Prayer

    
Dear God
 
Christopher= Columbus said:
You can never cross the ocean
Unless you lose sig= ht of the shore.
He 'discovered' America in 1492.
Help me lose si= ght of the shore
of my own failure and weakness as a father
and p= ress on to be the father I was meant to be.
My children often see me a= s perfect,=20
especially when they are younger.
Help me to be honest enough to = admit my failures to them
but still 'make more opportunities than I fi= nd', as Sir Bacon said.
Maybe that will make me a wise man.
 = ;

 
=09
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Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Pre= vention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been pro= ven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children b= y promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word an= d deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well= -being of their children and their children's mother.

 

If you would like to give financially t= o the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

 

Fatherhood Found= ation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be = emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)

 Westpac Branch Wollongong      &nb= sp;            =   DONATE ONLINE

BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558
 

Or mail cheque and address details to:<= br />PO Box 542
UNANDERRA  NSW&nbs= p; 2526
AUSTRALIA

 

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund&n= bsp; is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities u= nder Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.=

 

You have received the fatherson= line.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been = subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive future emails, = please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below.

=09
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=09
3D"Safe
This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by in= fo@fathersonline.org.
Fatherhood Foundati= on | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia
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