Received: from evaki.its.uow.edu.au (130.130.68.32) by staffmail.uow.edu.au (10.5.102.13) with Microsoft SMTP Server id 8.1.336.0; Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:32:25 +1100 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by evaki.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1LQq77-00000W-3M for blane@uow.edu.au; Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:32:25 +1100 Received: from c3.confirmedcc.com (c3.confirmedcc.com [64.95.77.164]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.10.3-GA) with ESMTP id QMP36899; Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:32:21 +1100 (EST) Received: from p2-ws508.ad.prodcc.net (unknown [10.252.0.101]) by c3.confirmedcc.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 4FBC31860985 for ; Sat, 24 Jan 2009 16:15:40 -0500 (EST) From: Fatherhood Foundation To: Brian Lane Date: Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:17:32 +1100 Subject: The 80/20 Principle Thread-Topic: The 80/20 Principle Thread-Index: Acl+az/YVGtgCmuGQeSeyR40JvBk7Q== Message-ID: <1102416097381.1101938345415.1211.8.101161519@scheduler> List-Unsubscribe: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?p=un&v=001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-3d90mBLDU8ykVH0jnmHZiA9y-TnVkER3kA== Reply-To: "info@fathersonline.org" Accept-Language: en-AU, en-US Content-Language: en-US X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthAs: Anonymous X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthSource: excasht03.ad.uow.edu.au X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: x-junkmail-status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au x-junkmail-sd-raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A150204.497B88E8.00D4:SCFMA772204,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=64.95.77.164, so=2008-09-22 23:22:13, dmn=5.4.3/2007-10-18, mode=single engine x-junkmail-iwf: false x-return-path-hint: ESC1102416097381_1101938345415_1211@in.confirmedcc.com x-roving-id: 1101938345415.1211 x-lumos-senderid: 1101938345415 x-roving-campaignid: 1102416097381 x-roving-streamid: 0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="_000_1102416097381110193834541512118101161519scheduler_" MIME-Version: 1.0 --_000_1102416097381110193834541512118101161519scheduler_ Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/526.gif?a=3D1= 102416097381] 26th January 2009 Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families Issue 336 [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/stock1/3m9q9k8q.jpg] The 80/20 Principle Dear Brian, Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information servi= ce for Fathers and Families as we present The 80/20 Principle. In This Issue Frontline...The 80/20 Principle Link...The 80/20 Examples Laughter..Mad Maths Grandfathers...Goal Defining Single Dads...The Stereotype All You Need is Love..Secrets of Married Men Special Feature...Happiness Islands News & Info..Parents Links Dad's Prayer..Help me figure out the 20% Next Week What Children Want [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/s.gif] Join our Mailing List! [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/ftf_btn_1.gif] Quick Links Fatherhood Foundation Fathering Adventures Family Law Web Guide Men Alive National Fatherhood Initiative Families for Life Dad Can Do CultureWatch Men's Fraternity Promise Keepers CSA Adverts Thought of the Week [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/s.gif] [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/586.jpg?a=3D1= 102416097381] If we have the courage to go against conventional wisdom, we can work less, worry less, succeed more and make the people in our lives hugely happy. Robert Koch, author of The 80/20 Principle Frontline [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/584.jpg?a=3D1= 102416097381] My wife was upset with me because I took too long in the bookshop. It would= n't be the first time. Bookshops for me are like entering a time vortex. Jo= shua's Long Day, when the sun stood still, happens every time I enter a boo= kshop. The problem is that I am the only one in the vortex. The rest of the= world moves on. But on that particular day I bought 'The 80/20 Principle - the secret of [h= ttp://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/583.jpg?a=3D110= 2416097381] achieving more with less' by Richard Koch. I boldly announced t= o my wife that this book was going to revolutionise my life. Perhaps I was = trying to justify my lengthy delay in completing the errands she had appoin= ted me to do. However the exciting news is that the process of revolutionar= y change has begun. I have been vaguely aware of the 80/20 Principle but the author, Richard Ko= ch, a highly acclaimed management consultant has really done his homework. = The 80/20 Principle was first known as the Pareto Principle, named after It= alian economist Vilfredo Pareto who observed that 80% of the wealth was hel= d by 20% of the population. The fundamental precept is that 20% of business= activity produces 80% of the results. My own experience in life tells me t= hat this is true. It might go to 70/30 or 90/10 but it often seems to sit a= t 80/20. I'll let Richard Koch tell you a few things. The question he poses= is, "Can you work less and achieve more?" There is a scientific law, proven in business and economics, saying that th= e great majority of results come from a small minority of causes or effort. You've probably heard of the law the pesky Pareto principle. It's also call= ed the 80/20 principle, because about 80 percent of results flow from 20 pe= rcent of causes. For example, we send 80 percent of our emails to 20 percen= t of the people in our address book, and we wear 20 percent of our clothes = --- our favorite outfits more than 80 percent of the time. Police investiga= tions reveal that 80 percent of accidents are down to 20 percent of drivers= , and that 80 percent of crime is committed by 20 percent of criminals. In = business, 80 percent of profits come from 20 percent of customers and 20 pe= rcent of products. So what? Well, one day I had a sudden thought. Businesses have known for a = long time that they can improve their position enormously by concentrating = on the key 20 percent of activities. But why can't people do the same? It t= urns out that we can. We can make our lives enormously better by doing less= . The secret is not to do less of everything, but to do less of the great m= ajority of things we do that don't work very well for us. And to do more of= the very few things that do deliver what we want. The answer is focus. In every area of our life, we can work out the few thi= ngs that are really important to us, and the few methods that give us what = we want. We can divide everything around us, and everything we do, into two= piles. There is the big pile, the 80 percent pile, that takes a lot of ene= rgy but delivers pitiful results, sometimes even making things worse. That = is the mass of trivia that surrounds us and normally engulfs our life. We c= an call this big chuck of our lives the trivial many. Then, there is the sm= all but vital 20 percent pile, which comprises the few things that work bri= lliantly. The vital few, that bring happiness to you. Once we know what is in each pile the things we do, the thoughts we have, t= he people we meet, the techniques and methods we use we can do something te= rribly simple and wonderfully effective. That is to do much less of most th= ings, the things in the big trivial pile. And more of the vital few things.= Overall, we make much less effort, but we get much more reward. The modern delusion is more with more. Nearly everyone thinks that to get m= ore out of life, and succeed in what we want, we have to labor harder, devo= te more time to our work, and make sacrifices and trade-offs. I say No. In = all aspects of life, we can find, to our astonishment and delight, that les= s is more. We can only live life fully by subtraction. We make progress by = stripping our activities and concerns back to a small authentic core. Succe= ss and relaxation, far from being enemies, are really twin cherries on a si= ngle stalk. Achievement and happiness flow from self-expression, from cutti= ng out the parts of lives that we don't like. If we have the courage to go = against conventional wisdom, and live our lives differently, we can work le= ss, worry less, succeed more, enjoy more, and make the people who matter in= our lives hugely happier. Lovework, The above has massive implications if our goal is to make our children, our= wives and even ourselves hugely happier. I encourage you to check our Rich= ard Koch's 'Happiness Islands' in our Special Feature. Why not begin to put this into practice. I can feel the change in my life a= lready. I am sure you will too! Yours for the things that matter Warwick Marsh PS Next week we look at 'What Children Want'. I encourage you to pass the F= atherhood Foundation Dads4Kids newsletter on to your friends. ____________________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 33 years. He is the grandfath= er of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ran= ging in age from 28 years to 16 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, = producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himsel= f. Link of the Week The 80/20 Examples Laughter [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/585.jpg?a=3D1= 102416097381] A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTrans= at. The scheduled flying time is nine hours. Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be t= urned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only no= ticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be= ten hours instead of nine." A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another = engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But don't worry - w= e're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours." Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pil= ot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one engine, we're sti= ll perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for = this plane to arrive in Frankfurt." The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine bre= aks down, too, then we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!" Grandfathers The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define th= em, or never seriously consider them as believable or achievable. [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/582.jpg?a=3D1= 102416097381] Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the w= ay and who will be sharing the adventure with them. Denis Waitley Single Dads A Single Dad's Story[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs0= 07/1101938345415/img/581.jpg?a=3D1102416097381] The stereotype Ah, stereotypes. Go to the movies these days, or pick up a copy of People o= r Time, and it seems that there are exactly three kinds of single fathers. = There is the Deadbeat, the sullen thug who makes us feel so "good"--good be= cause we know we are morally superior to him and the bimbos with whom he co= nsorts. There is the Angry Guy, who fumes about his ex, and the way she sna= tched the kids, as he scarfs Chinese takeout in a stark apartment decorated= only by football pennants. And then there is, ridiculously, the Hero--the = supersensitive superman who always finds time for his children even as he's= racing off to confer with political dignitaries. Picture George Clooney in= the movie One Fine Day. The stereotypes lie, of course. Single fatherhood is, in reality, a complex= endeavor--probably even more complex than traditional parenting. There is = not only the issue of balancing work and kids; there is also the task of ne= gotiating child-rearing with an ex, the vagaries of dating, and the challen= ge of proving that men aren't all thumbs when it comes to raising kids. Profile: Richard Hansen Richard Hansen's wife committed suicide in 1988, shortly after the birth of= their fourth son. Ever since, Hansen, a tractor driver who lives in low-in= come housing in Hillsboro, Oregon, has single-handedly raised four boys, th= e oldest of whom, 17-year-old Ryan, is an Oregon state boxing champ. Here, = with characteristic modesty, Hansen describes the challenges he's faced. Absorbing pain's punch "When their mom died, my main goal was just to make sure these guys didn't = turn out to be menaces to society," Hansen begins. "But we were living in a= really rough neighborhood with a crack house next to us and Ryan was real = angry. It got so he'd walk out the door and have to get into a fight. "I got him into boxing when he was nine, and it mellowed him out real quick= . It taught him how to handle his emotions. It gave him discipline because = it's so intense. Like this spring, Ryan and his brother were running 3 mile= s every morning, then working out for 90 minutes in the gym every night, sp= arring and doing calisthenics and hitting the heavy bag." "But they were focusing so much on boxing that their grades slid. I got the= ir third quarter report cards, and all four of them were failing. Ryan had = gone from Bs to Fs. I blew up--and then I figured out what the problem was.= They'd been taking the bus out to the gym, a 90-minute ride. They were sup= posed to study on the bus, but they didn't. They felt embarrassed; kids wou= ld pick fights with them if they studied. So they just slept." Getting on track "If there was another parent, maybe she could've driven them to the gym," H= ansen continues. "I couldn't. I had to work, and I felt like I'd failed, like I needed to do= something drastic. I pulled them from boxing, right away--and it was right= before regionals, too. I started making them do their homework every night= . I got their school to send me weekly report cards. I signed Ryan up for s= ummer school. He's doing better now. He's been getting Cs and Ds, and he's = handing in all his assignments. But we're just playing catch-up, really. We won't know anything until next = year. And if he does pull it around? Well, then maybe I'll hang a heavy bag= in the living room. We want to get back into boxing, you know, because it'= s a family thing. I remember the first time Ryan won the states. He slept o= n the ride home, and I was just sitting there, driving and thinking, 'That'= s my kid. I'm proud.'" All You Need is Love Secrets of Married Men[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/110193834= 5415/img/580.jpg?a=3D1102416097381] By Scott Haltzman, M.D. Relationship experts and students of evolutionary biology argue that women = are endowed with superior skills for managing relational dynamics. But let'= s take a look at that proposal more carefully. Can men also be masters of r= elationship skills? We know men can master skills in the sciences, literature and leadership, a= s is shown annually by the Nobel Prize ceremony, where men dominate these f= ields. Men also have demonstrated excellence in disciplines from architectu= re to culinary arts. Is it such a leap of logic, then, to think they can master relationship ski= lls as well? My experience as a marriage therapist tells me that men have a= wonderful aptitude at making relationships last. Having a man's brain - an= d a man's problem-solving talents - is an asset, not a liability, for commi= tted relationships. The secret is getting men to understand just how good they can be in this a= rena. But let's admit one thing from the start: Men don't like working on relatio= nships as much as women. It is easy to cede marriage-maintenance skills to women. I, for one, would = love to come home at the end of a workday and find my wife, Susan, has put = all the pieces into place to make our relationship go smoothly. But Susan m= ay have different ideas! I work on making the marriage better because I ado= re my wife, and want to do everything possible to fulfill her dreams. But i= t's not easy. Discontent and Divorce Yet statistics tell a surprising story. Despite their marriage vows to stay= together for better or for worse, women are more likely to react to marita= l unhappiness by leaving. Wives precipitate two-thirds to three-quarters of= all divorces and separations. They are more likely to express discontent, = raising 80 percent of all household arguments. Women are also more likely t= o criticize their spouses. It's understandable that women express discontent in the home, as women tra= ditionally, and statistically, have rule of the roost. According to Steven = Nock, author of Marriage in Men's Lives, women do the bulk of housework and= social planning. So they have the right to raise household concerns. But e= ach complaint they lodge puts the ball in the husband's court. Instinctuall= y men shun these complaints by stonewalling or becoming defensive. When a h= usband responds by avoiding his wife, the quality of the marriage declines.= The unsuccessful husband assumes his wife is a relationship expert, and re= acts in kind to her harsh lead, thereby further contributing to marital dis= content. Mr. Fix-It Statistics suggest that husbands can counter their wives' discontent by bec= oming marriage experts themselves. John Gottman, Ph.D., discovered that suc= cessful marriages involve husbands who resist immediate negative reactions = to their wives' concerns. These men increase the odds of having a happy mar= riage by allowing themselves to accept the influence of their spouse. They = recognize an opportunity to use their man skills to solve the problem. Thes= e husbands view marriage woes as they would any malfunctioning household it= em; they take it apart and try to fix it. For too long the Mr. Fix-it role has been the object of derision among wome= n. Therapists see men's "tell-me-the-problem-and-I'll-tell-you-a-solution" = approach as being insensitive to deeper issues affecting the relationship. = The bottom line message of popular culture is: the thing men are best at - = problem solving - serves no role in relationships. Nonsense. That's why I established a website and research base meant to honor men's a= pproach to relationships and celebrate the ways we make marriage work. At w= ww.SecretsofMarriedMen.com , men contribute con= fidential insights into their marriage experiences. (Women are also invited= to contribute.) I then compiled the information gathered on the site, and = wrote The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Hea= rt Forever. Sharing Secrets The Secrets of Happily Married Men focuses on two kinds of secrets. One is = the secret that a man keeps from his wife. Not the dark sultry secret of an= affair or off-shore bank account, but rather a restraint in sharing the de= tails of his day to day thoughts and actions with his wife - inside and out= side of the marriage. He may hide romance strategies (like the man who keeps notations in a Palm = Pilot to send his wife flowers weekly) or feelings (of vulnerability or sha= me). These are things that men may have learned, over time, to keep to them= selves for the benefit of the marriage. Bobby is a good example of such a m= an. Married for just three years, he states: "In the past I have shared thi= ngs about my past family problems with an expectation that she would unders= tand where I am coming from. The response is unsympathetic or an argument i= s thrown back at me. So quite apart from my natural tendency to be more ref= lective than talkative, I find I clam up." The Secrets of Happily Married Men also is about the secrets we men don't t= ell each other. Victor, for example, describes mastering his relationship w= ith his wife without support from other married guys. "Women want you to li= sten and understand, not solve the problem. I'm a married man of 14 years a= nd a survivor of many verbal battles with the opposite sex. I never shared = my survival techniques with anyone." Traditionally, men aren't educated in relationship skills. It is a long hel= d truism that men don't buy relationship books. Men's magazines, with few e= xceptions, avoid talk of relationships, reveling instead in the search for = the perfect set of abs. Tightening our musculature, we are counseled, will = ensure that nubile women will lust after us. But what do we do once we marry them? Look at the periodicals and televisio= n directed to men - you won't see much about how to be a successful married= man. Committed relationships end up being quite a bit more complicated tha= n Maxim would have you believe. The Secrets of Happily Married Men advances beyond the conclusion that mari= tal conflict is the norm. It helps men learn about marriage problems from e= ach other, and it teaches men they can do something about it. Dr. Scott Haltzman completed his psychiatric training and chief residency a= t Yale University. His Web site is www.secretsofmarriedmen.com Special Feature Happiness Islands[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/= img/587.jpg?a=3D1102416097381] By Richard Koch We have all the time in the world. Really! Our enjoyment and achievement is= heavily slanted to a small portion of our time. Once we realize this, we c= an calm down, take things more slowly, and yet get much more out of life. H= ow? Try these for starters: Work out the few things that you experience and do, that take little time, = yet are of fantastic value. Think back to the last time you were really hap= py, then the times before that. What did these times, or some of them, have= in common? Were you in a special place, with a particular person, or pursu= ing a similar sort of activity? Are there some common themes? I call these = themes your happiness islands, because they're set in a sea of times when y= ou're not particularly happy. Now, how can you multiply your time on happin= ess islands? [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/588.jpg?a=3D1= 102416097381]If you figure that your happiness islands make up only a fifth= of your time, how could you take that to a third or a half or even more? L= uckily, there are always many activities that give us a poor return on happ= iness. Surveys of people watching television, for example, show that very f= ew respondents say they are happy after watching two or more hours of TV. T= ypically, they become mildly depressed. If watching television makes you ha= ppy, do more of it. Otherwise, stop! What other things that have a poor hap= piness reward could you quit? What do you do out of a sense of duty? If the= re's little pleasure in the duty, how much good are you doing? If you were = happy, your happiness would overflow into the lives of those around you. Ti= me spent being miserable is antisocial. Chuck your To Do List. Make a Not to Do List. Act less. Think more. Reflect= on what really matters to you. Stop doing anything that isn't valuable or = doesn't make you happy. Be eccentric in your use of time. Slow down. Purge your diary. Allow an hou= r each day for exercise that you enjoy for instance, most people who don't = think they are athletic still enjoy a good walk in the country alone or wit= h a friend. Dump your cell phone. As long as it won't get you fired, stop g= oing to meetings or events that bore you. Reclaim all your trivial uses of = time so you have more time for yourself and the people you care about. Watch out for the times that you find yourself brooding about the past or w= orrying about the future. Stop! Live in the present. Get more with less con= fine yourself to the present moment and think how you can enjoy and benefit= from it. If there is no way to do so, do something else more rewarding! News & Info Parent Links Kids wearing stab proof vests to school BRITISH children are wearing stab-proof vests to protect themselves from be= coming victims of violence, according to a report on the impact of gangs on= schools. Mum & Dad investors unclaimed money MORE than 150,000 mum-and-dad investors have forgotten about $140 million i= n dividends - and up to $1 billion worth of shares. Sydney Families pay more for Food SYDNEY's poorest families are paying more for fresh food than the richest -= and more than those in the most remote parts of the state. _______________________________________________ Letters[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/589.jp= g?a=3D1102416097381] What I Want for You and Every Child in America (President Barck Obama writes to his Children) Dear Malia and Sasha, I know that you've both had a lot of fun these last two years on the campai= gn trail, going to picnics and parades and state fairs, eating all sorts of= junk food your mother and I probably shouldn't have let you have. But I al= so know that it hasn't always been easy for you and Mom, and that as excite= d as you both are about that new puppy, it doesn't make up for all the time= we've been apart. I know how much I've missed these past two years, and to= day I want to tell you a little more about why I decided to take our family= on this journey. When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me-about how I'd make = my way in the world, become successful, and get the things I want. But then= the two of you came into my world with all your curiosity and mischief and= those smiles that never fail to fill my heart and light up my day. And sud= denly, all my big plans for myself didn't seem so important anymore. I soon= found that the greatest joy in my life was the joy I saw in yours. And I r= ealized that my own life wouldn't count for much unless I was able to ensur= e that you had every opportunity for happiness and fulfillment in yours. In= the end, girls, that's why I ran for President: because of what I want for= you and for every child in this nation. I want all our children to go to schools worthy of their potential-schools = that challenge them, inspire them, and instill in them a sense of wonder ab= out the world around them. I want them to have the chance to go to college-= even if their parents aren't rich. And I want them to get good jobs: jobs t= hat pay well and give them benefits like health care, jobs that let them sp= end time with their own kids and retire with dignity. I want us to push the boundaries of discovery so that you'll live to see ne= w technologies and inventions that improve our lives and make our planet cl= eaner and safer. And I want us to push our own human boundaries to reach be= yond the divides of race and region, gender and religion that keep us from = seeing the best in each other. Sometimes we have to send our young men and women into war and other danger= ous situations to protect our country-but when we do, I want to make sure t= hat it is only for a very good reason, that we try our best to settle our d= ifferences with others peacefully, and that we do everything possible to ke= ep our servicemen and women safe. And I want every child to understand that= the blessings these brave Americans fight for are not free-that with the g= reat privilege of being a citizen of this nation comes great responsibility= . That was the lesson your grandmother tried to teach me when I was your age,= reading me the opening lines of the Declaration of Independence and tellin= g me about the men and women who marched for equality because they believed= those words put to paper two centuries ago should mean something. She helped me understand that America is great not because it is perfect bu= t because it can always be made better-and that the unfinished work of perf= ecting our union falls to each of us. It's a charge we pass on to our child= ren, coming closer with each new generation to what we know America should = be. I hope both of you will take up that work, righting the wrongs that you see= and working to give others the chances you've had. Not just because you ha= ve an obligation to give something back to this country that has given our = family so much-although you do have that obligation. But because you have a= n obligation to yourself. Because it is only when you hitch your wagon to s= omething larger than yourself that you will realize your true potential. These are the things I want for you-to grow up in a world with no limits on= your dreams and no achievements beyond your reach, and to grow into compas= sionate, committed women who will help build that world. And I want every c= hild to have the same chances to learn and dream and grow and thrive that y= ou girls have. That's why I've taken our family on this great adventure. I am so proud of both of you. I love you more than you can ever know. And I= am grateful every day for your patience, poise, grace, and humor as we pre= pare to start our new life together in the White House. Love, Dad Dad's Prayer [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/stock1/3d2a9i3p.jpg] Dear God I know this fellow Koch has got a point. 20% of my life produces 80% of the results of my family's happiness as well as my own happiness. Help me to do what really matters. Help me to concentrate on the vital few, but most of all help me figure out exactly what the 20% of my life is that will produce 80% of the greatest pleasure not only for me but also for you God. Help Us! [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/s.gif]The Fatherhood Foundation = is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of h= arm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in f= athering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, pr= otective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and thei= r children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public F= und and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax ded= uctibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong DONATE ONLINE BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 542 UNANDERRA NSW 2526 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Regis= ter of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax = Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscri= bed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receiv= e future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below. Forward email [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/safe_unsubscribe_logo.gif] This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by info@fathersonline.org. Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe(tm) | Pri= vacy Policy. Email Marketing= by [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/cc-logo-color-sm.gif] Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia --_000_1102416097381110193834541512118101161519scheduler_ Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
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 26th January 2009       Encouraging Families  Issue 336
 

 

 
The 80/20  Principle
Dear Brian,
Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information = service for Fathers and Families as we present The 80/20 Principle.
=09
In This Issue
Frontline...The 80/20 Principle
Link...The 80/20 Examples
Laughter..Mad Maths
Grandfathers...Goal Defining
Single Dads...The Stereotype
All You Need is Love..Secrets of Married Men
Special Feature...Happiness Islands
News & Info..Parents Links
Dad's Prayer..Help me figure out the 20%
Next Week&nb= sp;

 What Children Want

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Quick Links
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 Thought of the Week
3D"Tho= 
3D"Happy If we have the courage to go against conventional wisdom,
we ca= n work less, worry less, succeed more
and make the people in our lives= hugely happy.
 
Robert Koch,
author of
The 80/20 Principle
 
Frontline
=
3D"Angry
My wife was upset with me because I took too long in the bookshop. It = wouldn't be the first time. Bookshops for me are like entering a time vorte= x. Joshua's Long Day, when the sun stood still, happens every time I enter = a bookshop. The problem is that I am the only one in the vortex. The rest o= f the world moves on.
 
But on that particular day I bought= 'The 80/20 Principle - the secret of 3D"80/20achieving more with less'<= /strong> by Richard Koch. I boldly announced to my wife that this book was = going to revolutionise my life. Perhaps I was trying to justify my lengthy = delay in completing the errands she had appointed me to do. However the exc= iting news is that the process of revolutionary change has begun.
&nbs= p;
I have been vaguely aware of the 80/20 Principle but the author, Ri= chard Koch, a highly acclaimed management consultant has really done his ho= mework. The 80/20 Principle was first known as the Pareto Principle, named = after Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who observed that 80% of the wealth= was held by 20% of the population. The fundamental precept is that 20% of = business activity produces 80% of the results. My own experience in life te= lls me that this is true. It might go to 70/30 or 90/10 but it often seems = to sit at 80/20. I'll let Richard Koch tell you a few things. The question = he poses is, "Can you work less and achieve more?"

There is a scientific law, proven in business and economics,= saying that the great majority of results come from a small minority of ca= uses or effort.

You've probably heard of the law the pesky Pareto principle.= It's also called the 80/20 principle, because about 80 percent of results = flow from 20 percent of causes. For example, we send 80 percent of our emai= ls to 20 percent of the people in our address book, and we wear 20 percent = of our clothes --- our favorite outfits more than 80 percent of the time. P= olice investigations reveal that 80 percent of accidents are down to 20 per= cent of drivers, and that 80 percent of crime is committed by 20 percent of= criminals. In business, 80 percent of profits come from 20 percent of cust= omers and 20 percent of products.

So what? Well, one day I had a sudden thought. Businesses ha= ve known for a long time that they can improve their position enormously by= concentrating on the key 20 percent of activities. But why can't people do= the same? It turns out that we can. We can make our lives enormously bette= r by doing less. The secret is not to do less of everything, but to do less= of the great majority of things we do that don't work very well for us. An= d to do more of the very few things that do deliver what we want.

The answer is focus. In every area of our life, we can work = out the few things that are really important to us, and the few methods tha= t give us what we want. We can divide everything around us, and everything = we do, into two piles. There is the big pile, the 80 percent pile, that tak= es a lot of energy but delivers pitiful results, sometimes even making thin= gs worse. That is the mass of trivia that surrounds us and normally engulfs= our life. We can call this big chuck of our lives the trivial many. Then, = there is the small but vital 20 percent pile, which comprises the few thing= s that work brilliantly. The vital few, that bring happiness to you. <= /div>

Once we know what is in each pile the things we do, the thou= ghts we have, the people we meet, the techniques and methods we use we can = do something terribly simple and wonderfully effective. That is to do much = less of most things, the things in the big trivial pile. And more of the vi= tal few things. Overall, we make much less effort, but we get much more rew= ard.

The modern delusion is more with more. Nearly everyone think= s that to get more out of life, and succeed in what we want, we have to lab= or harder, devote more time to our work, and make sacrifices and trade-offs= . I say No. In all aspects of life, we can find, to our astonishment and de= light, that less is more. We can only live life fully by subtraction. We ma= ke progress by stripping our activities and concerns back to a small authen= tic core. Success and relaxation, far from being enemies, are really twin c= herries on a single stalk. Achievement and happiness flow from self-express= ion, from cutting out the parts of lives that we don't like. If we have the= courage to go against conventional wisdom, and live our lives differently,= we can work less, worry less, succeed more, enjoy more, and make the peopl= e who matter in our lives hugely happier.

Lovework,=

The above has massive implications if our goal is to m= ake our children, our wives and even ourselves hugely happier. I encourage = you to check our Richard Koch's 'Happiness Islands' in our Special Feature.=
 
Why not begin to put this into practice. I can feel the = change in my life already. I am sure you will too!
 
Yours f= or the things that matter
Warwick Marsh
 
PS Next week = we look at 'What Children Want'. I encourage you to pass the Fatherhood Fou= ndation Dads4Kids newsletter on to your friends. 
_______________= _____________________________________________________

Warwick Ma= rsh  has been married to Alison for 33 years. He is the= grandfather of two children and father of five children, four boys and one= girl, ranging in age from 28 years to 16 years.  Warwick is a mu= sician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can s= till laugh at himself.
Link of the Week
<= a name=3D"LETTER.BLOCK12" />
Laughter
= =
3D"Maths
A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with Air= Transat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours.
Some time after tak= ing off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to me= chanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect thi= s will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead = of nine."
A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passenge= rs that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But= don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve = hours."
Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned of= f. But the pilot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one eng= ine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen ho= urs total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt."
The mathematician r= emarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, then= we'll be in the air for twenty-four hours altogether!" 
<= /td>
=
Grandfathers
 
The reason most people never reach their goals is tha= t they don't define them, or never seriously consider them as believable or= achievable.
3D"Happy 
Winners ca= n tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way and who= will be sharing the adventure with them.
 
Den= is Waitley
Single Dads
 
The stereotype
 
Ah, stereotypes. Go to the movies these days, or pick up a c= opy of People or Time, and it seems that there are exactly three kinds of s= ingle fathers. There is the Deadbeat, the sullen thug who = makes us feel so "good"--good because we know we are morally superior to hi= m and the bimbos with whom he consorts. There is the Angry Guy, who fumes about his ex, and the way she snatched the= kids, as he scarfs Chinese takeout in a stark apartment decorated only by = football pennants. And then there is, ridiculously, the Hero--the supersensitive superman who always finds time for his children even= as he's racing off to confer with political dignitaries. Picture George Cl= ooney in the movie One Fine Day.
 
The stereotypes lie, of = course. Single fatherhood is, in reality, a complex endeavor--probably even= more complex than traditional parenting. There is not only the issue of ba= lancing work and kids; there is also the task of negotiating child-rearing = with an ex, the vagaries of dating, and the challenge of proving that men a= ren't all thumbs when it comes to raising kids.
 
Profile: R= ichard Hansen
 
Richard Hansen's wife committed suicide in 1= 988, shortly after the birth of their fourth son. Ever since, Hansen, a tra= ctor driver who lives in low-income housing in Hillsboro, Oregon, has singl= e-handedly raised four boys, the oldest of whom, 17-year-old Ryan, is an Or= egon state boxing champ. Here, with characteristic modesty, Hansen describe= s the challenges he's faced.
 
Absorbing pain's punch
&= nbsp;
"When their mom died, my main goal was just to make sure these g= uys didn't turn out to be menaces to society," Hansen begins. "But we were = living in a really rough neighborhood with a crack house next to us and Rya= n was real angry. It got so he'd walk out the door and have to get into a f= ight.
 
"I got him into boxing when he was nine, and it mell= owed him out real quick. It taught him how to handle his emotions. It gave = him discipline because it's so intense. Like this spring, Ryan and his brot= her were running 3 miles every morning, then working out for 90 minutes in = the gym every night, sparring and doing calisthenics and hitting the heavy = bag."
 
"But they were focusing so much on boxing that thei= r grades slid. I got their third quarter report cards, and all four of them= were failing. Ryan had gone from Bs to Fs. I blew up--and then I figured o= ut what the problem was. They'd been taking the bus out to the gym, a 90-mi= nute ride. They were supposed to study on the bus, but they didn't. They fe= lt embarrassed; kids would pick fights with them if they studied. So they j= ust slept."
 
Getting on track
 
"If there wa= s another parent, maybe she could've driven them to the gym," Hansen contin= ues.
 
"I couldn't. I had to work, and I felt like I'd fail= ed, like I needed to do something drastic. I pulled them from boxing, right= away--and it was right before regionals, too. I started making them do the= ir homework every night. I got their school to send me weekly report cards.= I signed Ryan up for summer school. He's doing better now. He's been getti= ng Cs and Ds, and he's handing in all his assignments.
 
But= we're just playing catch-up, really. We won't know anything until next yea= r. And if he does pull it around? Well, then maybe I'll hang a heavy bag in= the living room. We want to get back into boxing, you know, because it's a= family thing. I remember the first time Ryan won the states. He slept on t= he ride home, and I was just sitting there, driving and thinking, 'That's m= y kid. I'm proud.'"
All You Nee= d is Love
Secrets of Married Men3D"Mens
By Scott Haltzman, M.D.

= Relationship experts and students of evolutionary biology argue that women = are endowed with superior skills for managing relational dynamics. But let'= s take a look at that proposal more carefully. Can men also be masters of r= elationship skills?

We know men can master skills in the science= s, literature and leadership, as is shown annually by the Nobel Prize cerem= ony, where men dominate these fields. Men also have demonstrated excellence= in disciplines from architecture to culinary arts.

Is it such a= leap of logic, then, to think they can master relationship skills as well?= My experience as a marriage therapist tells me that men have a wonderful a= ptitude at making relationships last. Having a man's brain - and a man's pr= oblem-solving talents - is an asset, not a liability, for committed relatio= nships.

The secret is getting men to understand just how good th= ey can be in this arena.

But let's admit one thing from the star= t: Men don't like working on relationships as much as women.

It = is easy to cede marriage-maintenance skills to women. I, for one, would lov= e to come home at the end of a workday and find my wife, Susan, has put all= the pieces into place to make our relationship go smoothly. But Susan may = have different ideas! I work on making the marriage better because I adore = my wife, and want to do everything possible to fulfill her dreams. But it's= not easy.

Discontent and Divorce

Ye= t statistics tell a surprising story. Despite their marriage vows to stay t= ogether for better or for worse, women are more likely to react to marital = unhappiness by leaving. Wives precipitate two-thirds to three-quarters of a= ll divorces and separations. They are more likely to express discontent, ra= ising 80 percent of all household arguments. Women are also more likely to = criticize their spouses.

It's understandable that women express = discontent in the home, as women traditionally, and statistically, have rul= e of the roost. According to Steven Nock, author of Marriage in Men's Lives= , women do the bulk of housework and social planning. So they have the righ= t to raise household concerns. But each complaint they lodge puts the ball = in the husband's court. Instinctually men shun these complaints by stonewal= ling or becoming defensive. When a husband responds by avoiding his wife, t= he quality of the marriage declines. The unsuccessful husband assumes his w= ife is a relationship expert, and reacts in kind to her harsh lead, thereby= further contributing to marital discontent.

Mr. Fix-It<= /strong>

Statistics suggest that husbands can counter their wive= s' discontent by becoming marriage experts themselves. John Gottman, Ph.D.,= discovered that successful marriages involve husbands who resist immediate= negative reactions to their wives' concerns. These men increase the odds o= f having a happy marriage by allowing themselves to accept the influence of= their spouse. They recognize an opportunity to use their man skills to sol= ve the problem. These husbands view marriage woes as they would any malfunc= tioning household item; they take it apart and try to fix it.

Fo= r too long the Mr. Fix-it role has been the object of derision among women.= Therapists see men's "tell-me-the-problem-and-I'll-tell-you-a-solution" ap= proach as being insensitive to deeper issues affecting the relationship. Th= e bottom line message of popular culture is: the thing men are best at - pr= oblem solving - serves no role in relationships.

Nonsens= e.

That's why I established a website and research base= meant to honor men's approach to relationships and celebrate the ways we m= ake marriage work. At www.SecretsofMarriedMen.com , men contribute confidential insights = into their marriage experiences. (Women are also invited to contribute.) I = then compiled the information gathered on the site, and wrote The Secrets o= f Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever.
Sharing Secrets

The Secrets of Happily Marr= ied Men focuses on two kinds of secrets. One is the secret that a man keeps= from his wife. Not the dark sultry secret of an affair or off-shore bank a= ccount, but rather a restraint in sharing the details of his day to day tho= ughts and actions with his wife - inside and outside of the marriage.
=
He may hide romance strategies (like the man who keeps notations in a= Palm Pilot to send his wife flowers weekly) or feelings (of vulnerability = or shame). These are things that men may have learned, over time, to keep t= o themselves for the benefit of the marriage. Bobby is a good example of su= ch a man. Married for just three years, he states: "In the past I have shar= ed things about my past family problems with an expectation that she would = understand where I am coming from. The response is unsympathetic or an argu= ment is thrown back at me. So quite apart from my natural tendency to be mo= re reflective than talkative, I find I clam up."

The Secrets of = Happily Married Men also is about the secrets we men don't tell each other.= Victor, for example, describes mastering his relationship with his wife wi= thout support from other married guys. "Women want you to listen and unders= tand, not solve the problem. I'm a married man of 14 years and a survivor o= f many verbal battles with the opposite sex. I never shared my survival tec= hniques with anyone."

Traditionally, men aren't educated in rela= tionship skills. It is a long held truism that men don't buy relationship b= ooks. Men's magazines, with few exceptions, avoid talk of relationships, re= veling instead in the search for the perfect set of abs. Tightening our mus= culature, we are counseled, will ensure that nubile women will lust after u= s.

But what do we do once we marry them? Look at the periodicals= and television directed to men - you won't see much about how to be a succ= essful married man. Committed relationships end up being quite a bit more c= omplicated than Maxim would have you believe.

The Secrets of Hap= pily Married Men advances beyond the conclusion that marital conflict is th= e norm. It helps men learn about marriage problems from each other, and it = teaches men they can do something about it.

Dr. Scott Haltzman c= ompleted his psychiatric training and chief residency at Yale University. H= is Web site is www= .secretsofmarriedmen.com
=09

Special Feature

 
Happiness Islands3D"Robert=
By R= ichard Koch
 
We have all the time in the world. Really! Our= enjoyment and achievement is heavily slanted to a small portion of our tim= e. Once we realize this, we can calm down, take things more slowly, and yet= get much more out of life. How? Try these for starters:
 
W= ork out the few things that you experience and do, that take little time, y= et are of fantastic value. Think back to the last time you were really happ= y, then the times before that. What did these times, or some of them, have = in common? Were you in a special place, with a particular person, or pursui= ng a similar sort of activity? Are there some common themes? I call these t= hemes your happiness islands, because they're set in a sea of times when yo= u're not particularly happy. Now, how can you multiply your time on happine= ss islands?
 
3D"HappyIf you figure that your happiness islands make up only a fifth of your = time, how could you take that to a third or a half or even more? Luckily, t= here are always many activities that give us a poor return on happiness. Su= rveys of people watching television, for example, show that very few respon= dents say they are happy after watching two or more hours of TV. Typically,= they become mildly depressed. If watching television makes you happy, do m= ore of it. Otherwise, stop! What other things that have a poor happiness re= ward could you quit? What do you do out of a sense of duty? If there's litt= le pleasure in the duty, how much good are you doing? If you were happy, yo= ur happiness would overflow into the lives of those around you. Time spent = being miserable is antisocial.
 
Chuck your To Do List. Make= a Not to Do List. Act less. Think more. Reflect on what really matters to = you. Stop doing anything that isn't valuable or doesn't make you happy.  
Be eccentric in your use of time. Slow down. Purge your diar= y. Allow an hour each day for exercise that you enjoy for instance, most pe= ople who don't think they are athletic still enjoy a good walk in the count= ry alone or with a friend. Dump your cell phone. As long as it won't get yo= u fired, stop going to meetings or events that bore you. Reclaim all your t= rivial uses of time so you have more time for yourself and the people you c= are about.
 
Watch out for the times that you find yourself= brooding about the past or worrying about the future. Stop! Live in the pr= esent. Get more with less confine yourself to the present moment and think = how you can enjoy and benefit from it. If there is no way to do so, do some= thing else more rewarding! 
News & Info
=
 
Parent Links
 
= Kids wearing stab proof vests to school
BRITISH children are wearing stab-proof vests to protect themselves fr= om becoming victims of violence, according to a report on the impact of gan= gs on schools.

Mum & Dad inves= tors unclaimed money =20
 
MORE than 150,000 mum-and-dad investors have forgotten about $140 mill= ion in dividends - and up to $1 billion worth of shares.
 
 
 
SYDNEY's poorest families are paying more for fresh food than the rich= est - and more than those in the most remote parts of the state.
_____= __________________________________________

Letters3D"Obama
 
What I Want for You and Every Child in America
 
(President Barck Obama writes to his Children)

Dear Malia and Sasha,

I know that you've both had a = lot of fun these last two years on the campaign trail, going to picnics and= parades and state fairs, eating all sorts of junk food your mother and I p= robably shouldn't have let you have. But I also know that it hasn't always = been easy for you and Mom, and that as excited as you both are about that n= ew puppy, it doesn't make up for all the time we've been apart. I know how = much I've missed these past two years, and today I want to tell you a littl= e more about why I decided to take our family on this journey.

= When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me-about how I'd make = my way in the world, become successful, and get the things I want. But then= the two of you came into my world with all your curiosity and mischief and= those smiles that never fail to fill my heart and light up my day. And sud= denly, all my big plans for myself didn't seem so important anymore. I soon= found that the greatest joy in my life was the joy I saw in yours. And I r= ealized that my own life wouldn't count for much unless I was able to ensur= e that you had every opportunity for happiness and fulfillment in yours. In= the end, girls, that's why I ran for President: because of what I want for= you and for every child in this nation.

I want all our childre= n to go to schools worthy of their potential-schools that challenge them, i= nspire them, and instill in them a sense of wonder about the world around t= hem. I want them to have the chance to go to college-even if their parents = aren't rich. And I want them to get good jobs: jobs that pay well and give = them benefits like health care, jobs that let them spend time with their ow= n kids and retire with dignity.

I want us to push the boundarie= s of discovery so that you'll live to see new technologies and inventions t= hat improve our lives and make our planet cleaner and safer. And I want us = to push our own human boundaries to reach beyond the divides of race and re= gion, gender and religion that keep us from seeing the best in each other. =

Sometimes we have to send our young men and women into war and = other dangerous situations to protect our country-but when we do, I want to= make sure that it is only for a very good reason, that we try our best to = settle our differences with others peacefully, and that we do everything po= ssible to keep our servicemen and women safe. And I want every child to und= erstand that the blessings these brave Americans fight for are not free-tha= t with the great privilege of being a citizen of this nation comes great re= sponsibility. 

That was the lesson your grandmother tried t= o teach me when I was your age, reading me the opening lines of the Declara= tion of Independence and telling me about the men and women who marched for= equality because they believed those words put to paper two centuries ago = should mean something.

She helped me understand that America is= great not because it is perfect but because it can always be made better-a= nd that the unfinished work of perfecting our union falls to each of us. It= 's a charge we pass on to our children, coming closer with each new generat= ion to what we know America should be.

I hope both of you will = take up that work, righting the wrongs that you see and working to give oth= ers the chances you've had. Not just because you have an obligation to give= something back to this country that has given our family so much-although = you do have that obligation. But because you have an obligation to yourself= . Because it is only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than you= rself that you will realize your true potential.

These are the = things I want for you-to grow up in a world with no limits on your dreams a= nd no achievements beyond your reach, and to grow into compassionate, commi= tted women who will help build that world. And I want every child to have t= he same chances to learn and dream and grow and thrive that you girls have.= That's why I've taken our family on this great adventure.

I am= so proud of both of you. I love you more than you can ever know. And I am = grateful every day for your patience, poise, grace, and humor as we prepare= to start our new life together in the White House.
Love, Dad         &n= bsp;
 

Dad's Prayer

 
 Dear God
 
I know this fellow Koch has got a poin= t.
20% of my life produces 80% of the results
of my family's hap= piness as well
as my own happiness.
 
Help me to do wh= at really matters.
Help me to concentrate on the vital few,
but m= ost of all help me figure out
exactly what the 20%
of my life is= that will produce 80%
of the greatest pleasure
not only for me = but also for you God.
=09
=09
Help Us!

3D"HelpUs"= The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherles= sness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.= The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in = fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, p= rotective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and the= ir children's mother.

 

If you would like to give financially t= o the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

 

Fatherhood Found= ation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be = emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)

 Westpac Branch Wollongong      &nb= sp;            =   = DONATE ONLINE

BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558
 

Or mail cheque and address details to:<= br />PO Box 542
UNANDERRA  NSW&nbs= p; 2526
AUSTRALIA

 

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund&n= bsp; is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities u= nder Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.=

 

You have received the fatherson= line.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been = subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive future emails, = please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below.

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This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by in= fo@fathersonline.org.
Fatherhood Foundati= on | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia
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