Received: from beru.its.uow.edu.au (130.130.68.31) by staffmail.uow.edu.au (10.5.102.13) with Microsoft SMTP Server id 8.1.340.0; Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:40:10 +1100 Received: from febris-nat.its.uow.edu.au ([130.130.68.210] helo=febris.its.uow.edu.au) by beru.its.uow.edu.au with esmtp (Exim 4.69) (envelope-from ) id 1LicWX-0002ww-Uo for blane@uow.edu.au; Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:40:10 +1100 Received: from c3.confirmedcc.com (c3.confirmedcc.com [64.95.77.164]) by febris.its.uow.edu.au (MOS 3.10.3-GA) with ESMTP id RBK81068; Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:40:05 +1100 (EST) Received: from p2-ws508.ad.prodcc.net (unknown [10.252.0.101]) by c3.confirmedcc.com (Postfix) with ESMTP id 1958034E8AD6 for ; Sat, 14 Mar 2009 18:20:34 -0400 (EDT) From: Fatherhood Foundation To: Brian Lane Date: Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:20:35 +1100 Subject: Motherhood Undervalued Thread-Topic: Motherhood Undervalued Thread-Index: Acmk9dUy7VS7QeSwRuKliJmV7hEXwQ== Message-ID: <1102504926368.1101938345415.1211.8.911820FF@scheduler> List-Unsubscribe: http://visitor.constantcontact.com/d.jsp?p=un&v=001jm8CFGIzLJHYg-gJRLc-3d90mBLDU8ykajtV9vyDC8ZRWsnjFSGJlw== Reply-To: "info@fathersonline.org" Accept-Language: en-AU, en-US Content-Language: en-US X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthAs: Anonymous X-MS-Exchange-Organization-AuthSource: excasht01.ad.uow.edu.au X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: x-junkmail-status: score=10/49, host=febris.its.uow.edu.au x-junkmail-sd-raw: score=unknown, refid=str=0001.0A150205.49BC3249.0079:SCFMA772204,ss=1,fgs=0, ip=64.95.77.164, so=2008-09-22 23:22:13, dmn=5.7.1/2008-09-02, mode=single engine x-junkmail-iwf: false x-return-path-hint: ESC1102504926368_1101938345415_1211@in.confirmedcc.com x-roving-id: 1101938345415.1211 x-lumos-senderid: 1101938345415 x-roving-campaignid: 1102504926368 x-roving-streamid: 0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="_000_1102504926368110193834541512118911820FFscheduler_" MIME-Version: 1.0 --_000_1102504926368110193834541512118911820FFscheduler_ Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable HTML Web Version Dads4Kids Newsletter [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/526.gif?a=3D1= 102504926368] 16th March 2009 Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families Issue 343 [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/stock1/3m9q9k8q.jpg] Motherhood Undervalued Dear Brian, Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information servi= ce for Fathers and Families as we present Motherhood Undervalued. In This Issue Frontline...Motherhood-Love grows the Brain Link...Mum's Song Laughter..Smart Kids Grandfathers...Life will disappear Single Dads...Father Suggestions All You Need is Love..Love Sonnet Special Feature...Mothering Denied News & Info..Men's Submissions Dad's Prayer..Love finds its way-help me. Next Week Fathers and the Global Financial Crisis [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/s.gif] Join our Mailing List! [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/ftf_btn_1.gif] Quick Links Fatherhood Foundation Dads in Distress Focus on the Family National Center for Fathering Families for Life Marriage and Family - ACL Dads on the AIr Equal Parenting Party Donate to Dads4Kids Fatherhood Foundation CSA Adverts Thought of the Week [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/661.jpg?a=3D1= 102504926368] [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/s.gif] God could not be everywhere so He made mothers. Jewish Proverb Frontline [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/659.jpg?a=3D= 1102504926368] Motherhood is fast becoming a dirty word. My daughter-in-law, mother of twi= ns under 2 years of age was telling me how she is constantly being asked, "= When are you going back to work?" The response of her heart is simple, "I'm= a mother first and I am in no rush to leave my beautiful girls. I love bei= ng a mother." When talking to other young mums I hear how they are made to feel devalued = if all they want to do is devote their energy and time to their children. F= athers are not the only ones feeling devalued in western society, but mothe= rs are also feeling the pain of societal devaluation. The ultimate losers a= re our children. As responsible fathers, we must go out of our way to reaff= irm our wives in their wonderful role as mothers. Several weeks ago I received a copy of 'Mothering Denied' a new eBook from = Dr Peter Cook, a highly respected child psychologist. The subtitle gives it= away: 'How our culture harms women, infants and society'. Please find a sh= ort excerpt from this book in Special Feature. I first met Dr Peter Cook at a fatherhood roundtable with Dr Wade Horn, org= anized by the Centre for Independent Studies. Dr Cook is passionate for the= natural family. Steve Biddulph's foreword in Mothering Denied explains it = well. Every era in human history has naturally assumed itself to be the most mode= rn, progressive, and advanced. There is no deeper myth in our history than = the myth of progress, the idea that things get better. It may well be our m= ost dearly-held illusion. Just recently, with the growth of technologies that can look inside the liv= ing brain, and video-cameras that can watch the tiny movements and gestures= of mothers and infants, we have realized that in our basic assumptions of = Western industrial life, we were terribly wrong about something very import= ant. We thought that minding babies was a casual, inconsequential thing tha= t could be left to underpaid teenagers, or done in bulk with one person to = five babies or ten toddlers, without any problem. It now appears that mother-baby interaction, in the first year especially, = is the very foundation of human emotions and intelligence. In the most esse= ntial terms, love grows the brain. The capacities for what make us most hum= an-empathy, co-operation, intimacy, the fine timing and sensitivity that ma= kes a human being charismatic, loving, and self-assured-are passed from mot= her to baby, especially if that mother is herself possessed of these qualit= ies, and supported and cared for, so that she can bring herself to enjoy an= d focus on the task. Just as we were wrong, in our industrial culture, about almost everything r= elated to sustainable and happy living on this earth, we were wrong about c= hildhood. It is entirely possible that in our civilisation we have been get= ting worse, as parents, for many hundreds of years. Of course these are dra= matic, sweeping overstatements. But the trends are there. Peter Cook is a doctor who has specialised in psychiatry and has been worki= ng in the field of child and family mental health for decades. In this book= he has created something of great value. He summarises much research, maki= ng it accessible to those who wish to know more, as he draws on over half a= century of thinking and learning about human infants and their mothers and= fathers. I'd like to say read and enjoy, but it's more a case of read and weep. Or b= etter still, read this body of work to find confirmation and a spur to put = love back at the top of the list for building a human race that is still he= re in a century's time; because if we don't learn to love our babies, our e= arth, and each other, very fast, we will disappear. It has already begun, a= nd there isn't a moment to lose. Lovework[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/660.j= pg?a=3D1102504926368] Steve Biddulph is right. Love is our greatest asset. Mothering is a unique = expression of love. As fathers, our job is to make a stand and support the = mothers of our children. As the famous basketball player said, 'Just do it!= ' Yours for mothers Warwick Marsh PS If you would like your own free eBook of 'Mothering Denied' by Dr Peter = Cook, please drop us an email: info@fatherhood.org.au and we will send you = a copy. The author is only too happy to get it out far and wide. ____________________________________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 33 years. He is the grandfath= er of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ran= ging in age from 28 years to 16 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, = producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himsel= f. Link of the Week Mum's Song Laughter [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/652.jpg?a=3D= 1102504926368] Children's science exam answers... Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants= like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to= flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature h= ates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and th= e abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the= heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I= , O, and U. Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie. Q: What does 'varicose' mean? A: Nearby. Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section.' A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome. Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?' A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Grandfathers [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/658.jpg?a=3D1= 102504926368] If we don't learn to love our babies, our earth, and each other, very fast, we will disappear. Steve Biddulph Single Dads [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/s.gif] New Single Father Suggestions (Pt1) From FatherMag.com [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/657.jpg?a=3D1= 102504926368] I am now the single father of an eight year old girl and an eleven year old= boy; a single father for only eight weeks now; officially divorced just on= e week ago. By no means do I consider myself an experienced single father at this point= , but I have come a long way in eight weeks. By my friends' accounts, I seem to be doing pretty well so far. I am an eng= ineer and so I try to solve problems logically; maybe that helps. I even made the comment to myself the other day, "No wonder my wife left, s= he had no system." Kids need structure, and most of them like it, because t= hey know what to expect and when to expect it. Let me also say that I took several days off right after she left to get so= me of this sorted out. I had the advantage of her simply leaving, and wanti= ng a four year settlement, so I have not had the trauma of relocation and a= ttorney battles. Here are some things that have worked for me so far: Emotional Issues The kids and I had a difficult time emotionally at first, panic is a good w= ord, and I am sure it is not over yet. We began going to therapy right away= , which helped to reassure the kids that this happens to others, and that t= hey will be okay. I have a friend who is a psychologist, who summed up nicely what it took th= e therapist six or more weeks to say, and from my experience, I believe thi= s is good advice: As a new single father, the most important things for you to do are: Talk about what has happened, with the kids and with your friends. Once you= become open and comfortable talking about it, you become more approachable= by others, and options to resolve your problems begin to present themselve= s more readily. Reassure the kids that this was not their fault, and that there is nothing = they can do to fix it (to get you back with mom). Get on with your life. Do not spend time trying to figure it out, look forw= ard. If you are in therapy, after you get through the initial panic stage, try t= o spend some time thinking about what attracted you to someone with persona= lity defects similar to what your wife has, so that you don't make the same= mistake again. Another friend said, "If new potential girlfriends don't at= tend church regularly and say a prayer before meals, you don't want to get = involved." Clothes Mornings were real tough in the beginning; "Where's this?", "Where's that?"= , "This doesn't fit." Here's what I did to make our clothes issues easier: All the socks went into storage. We went to WalMart and bought twelve pairs= of identical socks for each child, twelve pairs for the boy and twelve for= the girl so no matter what they find, they will match. We pulled all the clothes out of their drawers and spent a few hours sortin= g them. "What will you wear?" "What won't you wear?" "Why?" Stuff they won'= t or can't wear goes out. Things they like to wear stays. I did the same th= ing as for socks for a few shorts, shirts, etc. that were favorites. I went= out and bought three of each, so they will always find something that they= perceive to be okay to wear. Then I work on variety as they seem open to i= t. I discovered that the major issue with washing clothes is that they come ou= t of the dryer. Putting them in the washer, then transferring to the dryer = is no problem, but when they come out, you have to do something with them. = Here is what I do: My wife used to fold the clothes. I stopped this because it was a lot of wo= rk and makes the clothes difficult to find. I put a bar up over the washer = dryer, so now anything that comes out of the dryer that can be hung on a ha= nger gets put on a hanger, including my casual t-shirts, girls outfits bott= oms and tops together on a hanger, etc. (I had to buy about 60 plastic hang= ers). Everything on a hanger goes in a closet where it is easily spotted, not bur= ied in a drawer somewhere. The stuff that cannot be hung up (underwear, socks, etc.) goes into a plast= ic "sorter" box (WalMart again), and the kids can put these away in the cor= rect drawers. I labeled the drawers with masking tape so there is a bit of = structure there too. Clothes are washed every day. This keeps wash from becoming overwhelming, a= nd reduces frustration when things they want to wear are not available. Aft= er a while, it becomes easy to fit it into the evening/morning schedule. Be sure to take stuff that wrinkles out of the dryer right AWAY and put it = on a hanger. If you do this, you can get away without ironing pants, shirts= , etc. [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/s.gif]All You Need is Love [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/655.jpg?a=3D1= 102504926368] Love Sonnet By William Shakespeare Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved. Special Feature [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/s.gif] Mothering Denied [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/= img/656.jpg?a=3D1102504926368] by Dr Peter Cook Synopsis p. 4 Five lines of evidence about human mothering 1) The facts about each person's line of direct maternal ancestors lead to = some basic deductions about our human genomic inheritance and its relations= hip to mothering, infancy, human nature, and health. The word 'infant' is h= ere used in its original meaning of a child in the preverbal stage of life. 2) Human breast milk has many unique short-term and long-term values for th= e health of human babies; no other milk is so well matched to the needs of = human infants. Mutually satisfying breastfeeding brings many benefits for b= oth mother and child, and it helps to achieve the normal level of health. 3) Secure attachment between a mother and her infant has been essential for= the breastfeeding and survival of all mammals-including humans during most= of their life on earth. 4) In enjoying and caring for their babies, human mothers show a number of = basic behavior patterns that correspond to those that have been studied in = other mammals, and human mothering depends on the same neuro-hormonal rewar= d systems that are seen in these animals. Live brain-imaging techniques sho= w that during mothering the same brain centers are active, deep in the 'mam= malian brains' of each of both humans and other mammals. 5) In comparison with the long-term development and wellbeing of children r= eared mostly by their mothers during infancy, there is increasing evidence = that the placement of infants in non-family daycare during their early year= s involves risks to their healthy emotional and behavioral development. The= more hours spent in childcare, the greater the risk of adverse effects. Th= ese include increased aggressiveness, disobedience, and abnormal blood leve= ls of the stress hormone cortisol. In vulnerable infants, rearing in non-fa= mily childcare disrupts many processes that depend on normal mothering. The= quality of family life is the most significant influence on a child's deve= lopment, and non-family childcare is only preferable if the alternative wou= ld be worse. News & Info [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/654.jpg?a= =3D1102504926368] [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/s.gif] Birthday ban Dad jailed over card Sunday Herald-Sun (Melbourne, Australia) March 1, 2009 Laurie Nowell A MELBOURNE father of three has been jailed for sending a birthday card to = his daughter. The man "Mick'' -- who cannot be identified for legal reasons -- was locked= up in a suburban police station for seven nights and spent another in the = tough Melbourne Custody Centre. He says he was surrounded by drug addicts a= nd people charged with violent offences during his ordeal last month. Mick claims he is a victim of a family law system that is biased against fa= thers. "I was jailed for nine days and eight nights for sending my 11-year-= old daughter a birthday card,'' he said. "Apparently I broke an interventio= n order. It's ludicrous and it breaks your heart.'' The 51-year-old is estranged from his wife and claims she has brought a ser= ies of intervention orders against him, banning him from contact with his c= hildren, without any evidence. "Until my wife divorced me I was a legally u= nimpeachable citizen -- now I'm being treated like a criminal just because = I want some contact with my kids,'' Mick said yesterday. "And that contact = was ended arbitrarily without even a hearing or the presentation of evidenc= e. "In a court of law, if you are accused of something you are supposed to hav= e the ability to cross examine your accusers and call witnesses. In the sec= ret chambers of the Family Court you are not guaranteed that at all.'' Mick says the experience has cost him $20,000 and his career as a writer. "= It's a plundering and looting exercise on the part of lawyers involved in t= his and there are no juries or scrutiny by media to keep them accountable,'= ' he said. The Sunday Herald Sun was denied access to documents relating to Mick's cas= e and lawyers for his estranged wife declined to be interviewed. Historian = and academic Prof John Hirst this week called for an overhaul of family law= . "The court is not enforcing its decisions, the costs of going to court ar= e onerous and there is little public accountability,'' he said. _____________________________ Submissions to Men's Health Inquiry To Whom It May Concern:[http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/11019383= 45415/img/653.jpg?a=3D1102504926368] I'd like to express my strong support for the Government to improve men's h= ealth in Australia. I'd also like to recommend * All schools to implement unbiased Shared Parenting Policies and p= rocedures and to implement programmes that deliver year 10 through 12 key p= rincipals around parenting and families. * Greater participation of men in men's services delivery * Increased participation of men in education and schools * More male friendly emphasis not just pro feminist programmes & id= eology * Medical services delivery to reach men in the work place * Access for Dads to their children's medical and educational infor= mation * Promote and fund mens groups, mens socialisation and support thro= ugh groups formed at local community level * Men's drop in centres * Accommodation and shelters * Increased access to legal aid for men less barriers to receiving= funds when faced with family law costs and child support impost whilst sti= ll paying existing mortgages * Male counsellors for men. New services and new organisations not = derivative of existing organisations of which many promote a feminist outlo= ok and model for men, which is antagonistic toward men and mens roles. * Dads and kids camps and family recreation involving fathers with = their children * Preparation for marriage: Engagement and Marriage enrichment prog= rammes. * Support for parents as the primary educators of their children i= ncludes more support for home schooling should parents desire it Kind regards Brad Flynn WA ________________________________ By Paul Whyte Secretary Sydney Men's Network The area of men's health is a new and rapidly developing area. As yet healt= h services have only begun to consider the social determinants that lead to= much higher risk factors for most leading causes of stress, illness and de= ath for men than other social groups. In this submission there will not be = an attempt to focus on health but will focus instead on the social forces t= hat lead to men's life struggles. It is clear from many years listening to = men's lives as part of the work of the Sydney Men's Network that the major = social institutions poor policy leads to major life issues that lead over a= life time towards the leading causes for disease and death in men. To give an over view of the social forces on men, the major institutions in= Australia today needed to be examined in detail and men's stories about wh= at happens to men in those institutions needs to be listened to. While much= more detail is needed to be able to "see" and take measures against the ba= d effects of institutions on men understanding the overall nature of the is= sue is important and needs to be mentioned as a key area of men's health wo= rk. Reference is made to more detailed discussion of the issues is found on the= Sydney Men's Network web site at http://www.mensnetwork.com.au . . . An initial men's health issue is raising the issues that effect men to publ= ic attention. Due to the wide spread nature of the issues an office for Men= and Fathers is recommended so that government attention can be paid in an = organised and coherent way to the issues that effect men and men's health. _____________________________ 51 Submissions Received as at 15th March, 2009..Read them here Dad's Prayer [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/s.gif] [http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345415/img/662.jpg?a=3D1= 102504926368] Dear God Help me understand that love finds it's way into our hearts, in ways beyond human comprehension. Through a mother's cuddle and a father's words. Each has something important to give. In the light of our humanity we find ourselves and we find You. Help Us! [http://img.constantcontact.com/ui/images1/s.gif]The Fatherhood Foundation = is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of h= arm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in f= athering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, pr= otective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and thei= r children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public F= und and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax ded= uctibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong DONATE ONLINE BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 542 UNANDERRA NSW 2526 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Regis= ter of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax = Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscri= bed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receiv= e future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below. Forward email [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/safe_unsubscribe_logo.gif] This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by info@fathersonline.org. Update Profile/Email Address | Instant removal with SafeUnsubscribe(tm) | Pri= vacy Policy. Email Marketing= by [http://img.constantcontact.com/letters/images/cc-logo-color-sm.gif] Fatherhood Foundation | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia --_000_1102504926368110193834541512118911820FFscheduler_ Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable
HTML Web Version Dads4Kids Newsletter
=09 =09
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 16th March 2009      Inspiring Fathers Encouraging Families  Issue 343
 

 

 
Motherhood
Undervalued
Dear Brian,
Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information = service for Fathers and Families as we present Motherhood Undervalued.
=09
In This Issue
Frontline...Motherhood-Love grows the Brain
Link...Mum's Song
Laughter..Smart Kids
Grandfathers...Life will disappear
Single Dads...Father Suggestions
All You Need is Love..Love Sonnet
Special Feature...Mothering Denied
News & Info..Men's Submissions
Dad's Prayer..Love finds its way-help me.
Next Week&nb= sp;

Fathers and the Global Financial Crisis =

=09 =09
= Join our Mailing List!
 
Quick Links
 Thought of the Week
God could not be everywhere
so He made mothers.
 
= Jewish Proverb
Frontline
=  3D"Mum_Daughter"
Motherhood is fast becoming a dirty word. My daughter-in-law, mother o= f twins under 2 years of age was telling me how she is constantly being ask= ed, "When are you going back to work?" The response of her heart is simple,= "I'm a mother first and I am in no rush to leave my beautiful girls. I lov= e being a mother."
 
When talking to other young mums I hear= how they are made to feel devalued if all they want to do is devote their = energy and time to their children. Fathers are not the only ones feeling de= valued in western society, but mothers are also feeling the pain of societa= l devaluation. The ultimate losers are our children. As responsible fathers= , we must go out of our way to reaffirm our wives in their wonderful role a= s mothers.
 
Several weeks ago I received a copy of 'Motheri= ng Denied' a new eBook from Dr Peter Cook, a highly respected child psychol= ogist. The subtitle gives it away: 'How our culture harms women, infants an= d society'. Please find a short excerpt from this book in Special Feature.
 
I first met Dr Peter Cook = at a fatherhood roundtable with Dr Wade Horn, organized by the Centre for I= ndependent Studies. Dr Cook is passionate for the natural family. Steve Bid= dulph's foreword in Mothering Denied explains it well.
 
Every era in human history has naturally assumed itself to be the most mod= ern, progressive, and advanced. There is no deeper myth in our history than= the myth of progress, the idea that things get better. It may well be our = most dearly-held illusion.
 
Just recently, with the growth = of technologies that can look inside the living brain, and video-cameras th= at can watch the tiny movements and gestures of mothers and infants, we hav= e realized that in our basic assumptions of Western industrial life, we wer= e terribly wrong about something very important. We thought that minding ba= bies was a casual, inconsequential thing that could be left to underpaid te= enagers, or done in bulk with one person to five babies or ten toddlers, wi= thout any problem.
 
It now appears that mother-baby interac= tion, in the first year especially, is the very foundation of human emotion= s and intelligence. In the most essential terms, love grows the brain. The = capacities for what make us most human-empathy, co-operation, intimacy, the= fine timing and sensitivity that makes a human being charismatic, loving, = and self-assured-are passed from mother to baby, especially if that mother = is herself possessed of these qualities, and supported and cared for, so th= at she can bring herself to enjoy and focus on the task.
 
J= ust as we were wrong, in our industrial culture, about almost everything re= lated to sustainable and happy living on this earth, we were wrong about ch= ildhood. It is entirely possible that in our civilisation we have been gett= ing worse, as parents, for many hundreds of years. Of course these are dram= atic, sweeping overstatements. But the trends are there.
 
P= eter Cook is a doctor who has specialised in psychiatry and has been workin= g in the field of child and family mental health for decades. In this book = he has created something of great value. He summarises much research, makin= g it accessible to those who wish to know more, as he draws on over half a = century of thinking and learning about human infants and their mothers and = fathers.
 
I'd like to say read and enjoy, but it's more a c= ase of read and weep. Or better still, read this body of work to find confi= rmation and a spur to put love back at the top of the list for building a h= uman race that is still here in a century's time; because if we don't learn= to love our babies, our earth, and each other, very fast, we will disappea= r. It has already begun, and there isn't a moment to lose.
 =
Lovework3D"Mum_Dad_Baby"=
 
Steve Biddulph is right. Love is our great= est asset. Mothering is a unique expression of love. As fathers, our job is= to make a stand and support the mothers of our children. As the famous bas= ketball player said, 'Just do it!'
 
Yours for mothers
= Warwick Marsh
 
PS If you would like your own free eBook of = 'Mothering Denied' by Dr Peter Cook, please drop us an email: info@fatherho= od.org.au and we will send you a copy. The author is only too happy to get = it out far and wide.
 
 
__________________________________________________________= __________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Ali= son for 33 years. He is the grandfather of two children and father of = five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 28 years to = ;16 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public spe= aker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.<= /td>
Link of the Week
Laughter
= =
 3D"Kids
 
Children's science exam ans= wers...

Q: Name the four seasons. 
A: Salt, pepper, mustard an= d vinegar. 

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water = can be made safe to drink. 
A: Flirtation makes water safe to dri= nk because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and cano= eists. 

Q: How is dew formed? 
A: The sun shines = down on the leaves and makes them perspire. 

Q: How can you= delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. 

Q: W= hat causes the tides in the oceans? 
A: The tides are a fight bet= ween the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, beca= use there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget wher= e the sun joins in this fight. 

Q: What are steroids? =
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. 

Q= : What happens to your body as you age? 
A: When you get old, so = do your bowels and you get intercontinental 

Q: What happen= s to a boy when he reaches puberty? 
A: He says good-bye to his b= oyhood and looks forward to his adultery. 

Q: Name a major = disease associated with cigarettes. 
A: Premature death. 
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen= ) 
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the= borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax= contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five b= owels A, E, I, O, and U. 

Q: What is the fibula? 
A: A small lie. 

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nea= rby. 

Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section.'&= nbsp;
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome. 
=
Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?' 
A: Benign is what yo= u will be after you be eight. 
Grandfathers
 
3D"Babies_2"
If we don't learn to love our babies,
our earth, and each other,<= br />very fast,
we will disappear.
 
Steve Biddulph
 
 
Single Dads
 
 = ;
New Single Father Suggestions (Pt1)
From FatherM= ag.com
3D"Single
I= am now the single father of an eight year old girl and an eleven year old = boy; a single father for only eight weeks now; officially divorced just one= week ago.
By no means do I consider myself an experienced single fath= er at this point, but I have come a long way in eight weeks.
By my fri= ends' accounts, I seem to be doing pretty well so far. I am an engineer and= so I try to solve problems logically; maybe that helps.
I even made t= he comment to myself the other day, "No wonder my wife left, she had no sys= tem." Kids need structure, and most of them like it, because they know what= to expect and when to expect it.
Let me also say that I took several = days off right after she left to get some of this sorted out. I had the adv= antage of her simply leaving, and wanting a four year settlement, so I have= not had the trauma of relocation and attorney battles.
Here are some = things that have worked for me so far:
Emotional Issues
The kids = and I had a difficult time emotionally at first, panic is a good word, and = I am sure it is not over yet. We began going to therapy right away, which h= elped to reassure the kids that this happens to others, and that they will = be okay.
I have a friend who is a psychologist, who summed up nicely = what it took the therapist six or more weeks to say, and from my experience= , I believe this is good advice:
As a new single father, the most impo= rtant things for you to do are:
Talk about what has happened, with the kids and with your friends. Onc= e you become open and comfortable talking about it, you become more approac= hable by others, and options to resolve your problems begin to present them= selves more readily.
Reassure the kids that this was not their fault, and that there is not= hing they can do to fix it (to get you back with mom).
Get on with your life. Do not spend time trying to figure it out, look= forward.
If you are in therapy, after you get through the initial panic stage, = try to spend some time thinking about what attracted you to someone with pe= rsonality defects similar to what your wife has, so that you don't make the= same mistake again. Another friend said, "If new potential girlfriends don= 't attend church regularly and say a prayer before meals, you don't want to= get involved."
Clothes
Mornings were real tough in the beginnin= g; "Where's this?", "Where's that?", "This doesn't fit."
Here's what I= did to make our clothes issues easier:
All the socks went into storage. We went to WalMart and bought twelve = pairs of identical socks for each child, twelve pairs for the boy and twelv= e for the girl so no matter what they find, they will match.
We pulled all the clothes out of their drawers and spent a few hours s= orting them. "What will you wear?" "What won't you wear?" "Why?" Stuff they= won't or can't wear goes out. Things they like to wear stays. I did the sa= me thing as for socks for a few shorts, shirts, etc. that were favorites. I= went out and bought three of each, so they will always find something that= they perceive to be okay to wear. Then I work on variety as they seem open= to it.
I discovered that the major issue with washing clothes is that they co= me out of the dryer. Putting them in the washer, then transferring to the d= ryer is no problem, but when they come out, you have to do something with t= hem. Here is what I do:
My wife used to fold the clothes. I stopped this because it was a lot = of work and makes the clothes difficult to find. I put a bar up over the wa= sher dryer, so now anything that comes out of the dryer that can be hung on= a hanger gets put on a hanger, including my casual t-shirts, girls outfits= bottoms and tops together on a hanger, etc. (I had to buy about 60 plastic= hangers).
Everything on a hanger goes in a closet where it is easily spotted, no= t buried in a drawer somewhere.
The stuff that cannot be hung up (underwear, socks, etc.) goes into a = plastic "sorter" box (WalMart again), and the kids can put these away in th= e correct drawers. I labeled the drawers with masking tape so there is a bi= t of structure there too.
Clothes are washed every day. This keeps wash from becoming overwhelmi= ng, and reduces frustration when things they want to wear are not available= . After a while, it becomes easy to fit it into the evening/morning schedul= e.
Be sure to take stuff that wrinkles out of the dryer right AWAY and pu= t it on a hanger. If you do this, you can get away without ironing pants, s= hirts, etc. 
All You Need is Love
3D"Co= 
Love Sonnet=
By William Shakespeare
 
Let me not to the marriage o= f true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters w= hen it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O= no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never sha= ken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unkn= own, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though ros= y lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Lov= e alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to= the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never= writ, nor no man ever loved.
 
<= /font>
=09

Special Feature

 3D= 
Mothering Denied <= img name=3D"ACCOUNT.IMAGE.656" border=3D"0" contenteditable=3D"false" alt= =3D"Mothering" src=3D"http://origin.ih.constantcontact.com/fs007/1101938345= 415/img/656.jpg?a=3D1102504926368" align=3D"right">
 
by Dr Peter Cook
Synopsis p. 4
 
Five lines of evidence about human mothering
 
1= ) The facts about each person's line of direct maternal ancestors lead to s= ome basic deductions about our human genomic inheritance and its relationsh= ip to mothering, infancy, human nature, and health. The word 'infant' is he= re used in its original meaning of a child in the preverbal stage of life.<= br /> 
2) Human breast milk has many unique short-term and long-t= erm values for the health of human babies; no other milk is so well matched= to the needs of human infants. Mutually satisfying breastfeeding brings ma= ny benefits for both mother and child, and it helps to achieve the normal l= evel of health.
 
3) Secure attachment between a mother and = her infant has been essential for the breastfeeding and survival of all mam= mals-including humans during most of their life on earth.
 
= 4) In enjoying and caring for their babies, human mothers show a number of = basic behavior patterns that correspond to those that have been studied in = other mammals, and human mothering depends on the same neuro-hormonal rewar= d systems that are seen in these animals. Live brain-imaging techniques sho= w that during mothering the same brain centers are active, deep in the 'mam= malian brains' of each of both humans and other mammals.
 
5= ) In comparison with the long-term development and wellbeing of children re= ared mostly by their mothers during infancy, there is increasing evidence t= hat the placement of infants in non-family daycare during their early years= involves risks to their healthy emotional and behavioral development. The = more hours spent in childcare, the greater the risk of adverse effects. The= se include increased aggressiveness, disobedience, and abnormal blood level= s of the stress hormone cortisol. In vulnerable infants, rearing in non-fam= ily childcare disrupts many processes that depend on normal mothering. The = quality of family life is the most significant influence on a child's devel= opment, and non-family childcare is only preferable if the alternative woul= d be worse.


News & Info
=
  3D"Daughter
3D"NewsInfo" 
Birthday ban
Dad jailed o= ver card
Sunday Herald-Sun (Melbourne, Australia)
March 1, 2009
Laurie Nowell
 
A MELBOURNE father of t= hree has been jailed for sending a birthday card to his daughter.
&nb= sp;
The man "Mick'' -- who cannot be identified for legal reasons -- w= as locked up in a suburban police station for seven nights and spent anothe= r in the tough Melbourne Custody Centre. He says he was surrounded by drug = addicts and people charged with violent offences during his ordeal last mon= th.
 
Mick claims he is a victim of a family law system tha= t is biased against fathers. "I was jailed for nine days and eight nights f= or sending my 11-year-old daughter a birthday card,'' he said. "Apparently = I broke an intervention order. It's ludicrous and it breaks your heart= .''
 
The 51-year-old is estranged from his wife and claims= she has brought a series of intervention orders against him, banning him f= rom contact with his children, without any evidence. "Until my wife divorce= d me I was a legally unimpeachable citizen -- now I'm being treated like a = criminal just because I want some contact with my kids,'' Mick said yesterd= ay. "And that contact was ended arbitrarily without even a hearing or the p= resentation of evidence.
"In a court of law, if you are accused of so= mething you are supposed to have the ability to cross examine your accusers= and call witnesses. In the secret chambers of the Family Court you are not= guaranteed that at all.''
 
Mick says the experience has c= ost him $20,000 and his career as a writer. "It's a plundering and looting = exercise on the part of lawyers involved in this and there are no juries or= scrutiny by media to keep them accountable,'' he said.
 
T= he Sunday Herald Sun was denied access to documents relating to Mick's case= and lawyers for his estranged wife declined to be interviewed. Historian a= nd academic Prof John Hirst this week called for an overhaul of family law.= "The court is not enforcing its decisions, the costs of going to court are= onerous and there is little public accountability,'' he said.
______= _______________________
 
Submissions to Men's Health Inquiry
 To Whom It May Concern:3D"Mens
 
I'd like to express m= y strong support for the Government to improve men's health in Australia. 
I'd also like to recommend
*    &n= bsp;   All schools to implement unbiased Shared Parenting Policie= s and  procedures and to implement programmes that deliver year 10 thr= ough 12 key principals around parenting and families. 
* &nb= sp;       Greater participation of men in men= 's services delivery 
*       =   Increased participation of men in education and schools 
*=          More male friendly emphasi= s not just pro feminist programmes & ideology 
*   = ;      Medical services delivery to reach men in t= he work place 
*         = Access for Dads to their children's medical and educational information&nbs= p;
*         Promote and fund = mens groups, mens socialisation and support through  groups formed at = local community level 
*       = ;  Men's drop in centres 
*     &nb= sp;   Accommodation and shelters 
*   &n= bsp;     Increased access to legal aid for men  le= ss barriers to receiving funds when faced with family law costs and child s= upport impost whilst still paying existing mortgages 
* &nbs= p;       Male counsellors for men. New servic= es and new organisations not derivative of existing organisations of which = many promote a feminist outlook and model for men, which is antagonistic to= ward men and mens roles. 
*      &n= bsp;  Dads and kids camps and family recreation involving fathers with= their children 
*        = ; Preparation for marriage: Engagement and Marriage enrichment programmes.&= nbsp;
*         Support for pa= rents as the primary educators of their children  includes more suppor= t for home schooling should parents desire it
 
Kind regard= s
Brad Flynn
WA
________________________________
 =
By Paul Whyte Secretary Sydney Men's Network=20

The area of men's health is a new and rapidly develop= ing area. As yet health services have only begun to consider the social det= erminants that lead to much higher risk factors for most leading causes of = stress, illness and death for men than other social groups. In this submiss= ion there will not be an attempt to focus on health but will focus instead = on the social forces that lead to men's life struggles. It is clear from ma= ny years listening to men's lives as part of the work of the Sydney Men's N= etwork that the major social institutions poor policy leads to major life i= ssues that lead over a life time towards the leading causes for diseas= e and death in men.
To give an over view of the social forces on men, = the major institutions in Australia today needed to be examined in detail a= nd men's stories about what happens to men in those institutions needs= to be listened to. While much more detail is needed to be able to "see" an= d take measures against the bad effects of institutions on men understandin= g the overall nature of the issue is important and needs to be mentioned as= a key area of men's health work.
Reference is made to more detailed d= iscussion of the issues is found on the Sydney Men's Network web site at ht= tp://www.mensnetwork.com.au . . . 
An initial men's health issue= is raising the issues that effect men to public attention. Due to the wide= spread nature of the issues an office for Men and Fathers is recommended s= o that government attention can be paid in an organised and coherent way to= the issues that effect men and men's health.
________________________= _____
 
51 Submissions Re= ceived as at 15th March, 2009..Read them here 
<= /img>

Dad's Prayer

3D"DadsPraye= 
3D"Parents_Child" 
Dear God
 
Help me understand
that love finds it's= way
into our hearts, in ways
beyond human comprehension.
Th= rough a mother's cuddle
and a father's words.
Each has something = important to give.
In the light of our humanity
we find ourselves= and we find You.
 
 
=09
=09
Help Us!

3D"HelpUs"= The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherles= sness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm.= The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in = fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, p= rotective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and the= ir children's mother.

 

If you would like to give financially t= o the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

 

Fatherhood Found= ation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be = emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)

 Westpac Branch Wollongong      &nb= sp;            =   = DONATE ONLINE

BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558
 

Or mail cheque and address details to:<= br />PO Box 542
UNANDERRA  NSW&nbs= p; 2526
AUSTRALIA

 

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund&n= bsp; is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities u= nder Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.=

 

You have received the fatherson= line.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been = subscribed by a friend.  If you do not wish to receive future emails, = please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below.

=09
=09 =09
3D"Safe
This email was sent to blane@uow.edu.au by in= fo@fathersonline.org.
Fatherhood Foundati= on | P.O. Box 542 | Unanderra | NSW | 2526 | Australia
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